Inevitable
by lemonschlemon
Summary: Bella and Edward live in the same apartment building. Every night, they meet in the elevator. The short and sporadic 30 second journeys to their floors have them falling for each other. AH/AU/OOC.
1. Hello

**CHAPTER ONE**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything but the complimentary hotel pen I used to scribble the draft of this chapter.

**AN:** First post, I am so excited to hear your response! If you're from LL, I heart you guys. Note that this chapter is un-betaed, so I apologize for grammar errors. More AN at the bottom so I won't ramble this first chapter, enjoy!

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EPOV

I walked out of the cold of the morning air and into the building, pushing the heavy door as I went. The door slammed from the wind blowing outside and I was enveloped by the warmth from the walls. Sighing, I pressed the button and waited for the elevator to ding. I greeted Charlie, the building's doorman slash security guard, with a smile. The corners of his eyes crinkled. _God bless that man._

I was exhausted. Tonight was the first night I'd had to work the night shift. The first night of many more throughout the next month. I had yet to adjust to the hours I'd been assigned. Sleeping days and working nights was not something in my norm. I pressed the call button for the elevator, waiting tiredly.

The elevator dinged and the door opened. I trudged my heavy legs inside the elevator and leaned against the left wall, the cold surface keeping me awake. I rubbed my tired fingers over my eyes, waiting for the doors to close and the heavy silence to break in the littlest bit.

_What the hell? _Out of nowhere, the loudest dull roar pried my eyes open. I heard the loud doors open from their nearly closed state and the sweetest of voices stood out from the noise. "Hold the elevator!" She sounded breathless. Out of instinct, I quickly slipped my hand between the elevator's closing door and through the small gap.

"Gosh, thank you so much. That was insane." A woman came into view and stepped into the elevators. She was beautiful. She had long brown hair, mostly hidden under the confines of the hoodie. The straight strands of hair fell across her eyes and framed her face in a soft embrace. When I'd taken her full form in, I was truly surprised. She was stunning. She stood petite, not small, but tiny enough to wake the urge of protecting her fragile form. A course of electricity went through my hand and up my arms, tempting me to touch her.

She let out a breathy sigh of relief, taking the hoodie off of her head and I took the chance to take my eyes off of her form and onto her eyes. "You're welcome." She punched in her floor number into the metal panel on the wall. _17. _I took note of the number and leaned back onto the far wall in the elevator. I took the opportunity to watch her through my tired eyes.

The dim walls of the elevator did not help the discreet watching. I found myself near squint, trying to memorize the ways her head tilted up to watch the luminescent numbers slowly increasing, indicating just how little time I had left in here with her. I shifted my eyes back on her, desperately imprinting her form into my memory. Her elbows were angled, as her hands hid in her coat pockets. Her straight, brown hair peeked out from the jacket collar, persuading me to brush it away from around her shoulders. _She was stunningly beautiful._

The elevator dinged, waking me from my observation. And the too short journey up the floors of the apartment with her had ended. She'd abruptly walked outside as soon as the metal doors opened with a creak. She took a long step forward onto the floor and out of the elevator. Suddenly, she turned around to face me, sticking her slender, gloved hand between the closing doors, just as I had earlier.

"Thank you again, for rescuing me…" she trailed off her speech, her voice breathy. I took it as a sign to answer.

"Edward. I'm Edward." My throat felt raspy and dry. Completely rough and rigid compared to her harmonious voice.

She nodded. "I'll see you around then, Edward." And with that she turned around and left. My eyes trailed on the doors where her hand had been, watched it close slowly with a thump.

The air felt heavy once again, my throat dry, the small confines cold. I punched in my number and waited.

This stunningly beautiful and breathtaking girl, who lives on the 17th floor had managed to completely baffle me. She reminded me of a void I didn't reckon I had. I'd already missed the soft angles of her perfect form by floor 19. By floor 21, I decided that I had gone berserk.

Once I got to my floor, I stepped out and inhaled deeply. _There was no need to over think this. You're just tired, Edward. _Yeah right.

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BPOV

It was cold. It was windy. I wanted to get home. But getting home wasn't all that easy with slick wet roads, and a swarm of people following you around with huge ass cameras, flashing lights in your face. Not to mention the relentless pestering of questions, creating a loud noise from all around me.

_Come on, Bella. You can do this. Just keep walking forward, and don't bother looking back. _I gave myself a small peptalk before stepping out of the warm confines of my car. Pulling up my jacket's hoodie over my head, I claimed myself ready to face the weather and the crowd.

"BELLA, OVER HERE!"

"DESCRIBE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH BEN"

"IS IT TRUE THAT YOU GUYS ARE HAVING TROUBLES?"

I blocked out the voices the best I could. I pushed through them slowly, as if I was waiting in line for movie tickets. I took my steps, careful not to slip on the wet icy pavement, and parted the crowd in front of me. These bastards made my life hard to live. Gosh.

I kept walking, looking down and paying attention to my steps. It was terribly difficult, considering the people huddling around me with their… weapons of choice. The apartment door was now in my line of vision and I knew it wouldn't be long until Charlie came to my rescue.

_Finally! _It was Charlie. He had his arms spread wide open as he helped me through the crowd, making sure that they kept their distance. "Are you alright, Bella?" His concern baffles me. _God bless this man._

"Yeah Charlie, I'm fine." I had to shout over the questions, and the camera clicks. And the sounds of feet, pounding the sidewalk. As soon as we got in, Charlie pulled away his arms from my perimeter and tried to keep the crowd outside the building. The crowd were pressed up against the heavy door, still shouting for answers, and surely at each other. I realized that the elevator door was open. It was closing quickly now and I had to get the hell away from here.

"Hold the elevator!" I shouted, despite the noise that was very quickly dissipating. I stepped quickly into the elevator, thankful for the hand that stuck its way in the doors' closing crevices.

"Gosh! Thank you so much, that was… insane." I finally lifted my head up from the near permanent position of my neck, altering my gaze upwards and away from the floor. Before me was a man. No, he was more than a man. This ma—god, was completely and stunningly beautiful. He had a chiseled jaw, and dark copper colored hair that stood on end in its erratic position on his head. He was tall, about an entire head taller than me. Once I got into his close proximity, his scent was a whiff of heaven. It was musky, yet very… alluring. I couldn't explain it. His chiseled jaw, my gosh that jaw. Looking at it gave me mental papercuts.

"You're welcome." Sweet mother of Jesus, this man's voice had turned my insides into a puddle of goo. Frolicking in its thick and frothy goodness. I quickly turned around away from him and punched in my floor number. _23_. The button 23 was already glowing red and I was pleased to know where he lived. Well, at least his floor. I turned my head and looked forward. He was standing directly behind me. He was wearing a light blue dress shirt, cuffed just below his elbows. I held in my gasp as I saw his arms. He was inked. This glorious god of a man was tattooed.

The elevator dinged far too quickly and I held back a sigh as I, with much regret, stepped out with a long stride on to my floor. As soon as I did, the wonderful smelling whiff was gone, and I felt lost. I then realized that I didn't want to end tonight this way, at all.

I quickly stuck my hand in between the closing doors and pried it open with little to no effort. The man looked up at me, his tired green eyes looking lost and confused. "Thank you again, for rescuing me…" I trailed off my words, hoping to get a name out of this beautiful stranger.

"Edward. I'm Edward." I nodded, a small victory soundtrack playing in my heart.

"I'll see you around then, Edward." I turned around and walked to my door. By the time I pulled out my keys, my mind was flocked with images of Edward. When I dumped my bag on the counter, I smiled for remembering that he lived in floor 23. And by the time I headed to bed, I was thankful that Ben and I weren't together for real. I sighed and let sleep overcome me.

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EPOV

I'd failed to get any sleep last night, well morning really. It was noon when I'd finally decided to leave my apartment. I needed some air, and the fire escape didn't provide any worth breathing in. The sun would do me some good, I hoped. I leaned against the walls of the elevator on my way down, again reminding me of the girl I met last night. _Morning, Edward. It was morning. _I kept forgetting the fact that 2am was two hours too many to consider night. Sighing, the doors opened and I walked out.

The sun was shining through the small windows above the heavy doors. But that wasn't what I noticed. It was the same girl again, from last ni-- morning. She looked even more captivating today, with the soft warm light of the sun illuminating her. She had her elbows on the front desk, her torso leaning forward, her back to me. She was talking to Charlie, I think, her soft laugh echoing in the otherwise quiet room. I walked over to the desk, unable to resist myself.

Before I knew it, I came in close distance to a gorgeous laughing girl and Charlie. The fine wisp of electricity was present again, I'd almost missed the wonderfully peculiar feeling up and down my arms.

"Good morning Charlie, you too Floor Seventeen." I'd given her a nickname when I woke up. I didn't know her name, much to my regret, but I do know her floor. Charlie smiled at me while Floor Seventeen decided to speak.

Chuckling, she replied, "Good morning, Edward. Floor Seventeen is actually named Bella." She'd remembered me. She'd also given me her name. _Bella. _I couldn't wait until I could test the sound of the name on my own lips, saying it out loud instead of in my head. I gave myself a mental pat on the back.

"Yes, Edward. Bella here just decided she'd get me cookies." Charlie's gruff voice cut in our exchange.

"Well Charlie, you did put up with those rats who've been chasing me around all week! I must thank you somehow now, shouldn't I?" A smile lit up her face as she voiced Charlie's reply.

"Well, then I believe you owe me cookies." I flashed her a smile when she decided to face me, her side to Charlie. I saw Charlie watching us with a smile through my peripheral vision.

"I believe that was one morning, Edward." She squinted her right eye, half covered by her bangs, to prove her point. I couldn't deny this girl a thing.

"Of course. What was that about, anyway?" She grimaced at my question and I cringed mentally. I hadn't meant to upset her, at all.

"You don't… know?" Looking up at me through those lashes made her more beautiful than I could ever try to remember. I shook my head, my lips pursing in curiosity. Sighing, she continued.

"I so happen to be dating Ben Hollis. He's very… famous, you can say. I'm surprised you didn't know-" her voice trailed off as my heart broke a little. She was dating someone. Someone famous. Famous enough to lead a swarm of people to his girlfriend's home. I sighed mentally again, cursing myself for being so hopeful that I could somehow be with this amazingly beautiful girl. I forced a smile to appear on my lips before I pressed on.

"Oh. That's… Yeah, I'm surprised." She nodded at me again, a smile playing on her lips.

"Walk me out, Edward. Tell me all about you." She tilted her head to the door, making her request even more persuasive than it already was. Charlie looked down at his open newspaper, clearly too distracted to read. _The old guy couldn't deny the gossip unfolding between the two of us._

"Does that get me cookie points then?" I asked suggestively. She replied by chuckling, "I'll see you later Charlie." She walked towards the door, leaving me next to Charlie's table, baffled beyond words. Charlie looked up and winked at me.

"Don't let her get away, Edward." And with that, I chased after her.

"Hey Bella, wait up!"

---

BPOV

I pushed the heavy doors with both hands, each step I took being more of a disappointment. I guess Edward wasn't coming along then.

"Hey Bella! Wait up!" _Oh never mind. _I smiled to myself and I kept walking, unwilling to turn my gaze around. I'd let him catch up to me, then. His steps thudded against the concrete of the pavement, jogging slightly to catch up to me.

Once he was by my side, I hid my smile and turned to face him.

"Tell me your biggest, baddest secrets, Edward."

He looked surprised for a second, but then cleared his throat and answered "I'm not sure if you'd like to know, Bella."

"Well, of course I do. Why did you think I asked?" I struggled to keep my voice steady. It was a cold morning, the snow from last night gathered on the outer edges of the pavement.

He shrugged, turning his gaze to the pavement. He looked down on his feet as we walked for a while, before he lifted his head again looking at the empty street. "I'm not sure if I'd want to scare you away just yet, Bella. My secrets are secrets for a reason."

I nodded slightly in understanding. I turned my head forward, to face whatever it was he was facing. My voice raspy was raspy from the cold when I replied. "Me too."

Then I turned around at the intersection and entered the warm coffee shop.

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**AN:** Many thanks to the wonderfully nice people from LL. You guys have me hooked on your weekly rec posts and it is only my dream to ever end up there next to other amazing authors. I've finally gotten off my lazy butt and started typing this; I can't wait to hear your response. To the friendly people on Twitter, I heart you all so much, thank you for all the kind words and support.

Leave a review on your way out. They're better than an elevator ride with Edward (:


	2. Google & Coffee

**CHAPTER TWO**

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything except for my Starbucks agenda and the complimentary hotel pen I constantly use, quickly running out of ink.

_AN at the bottom. Enjoy ;]_

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Last chapter:

_BPOV _

_He shrugged, turning his gaze to the pavement. He looked down on his feet as we walked for a while, before he lifted his head again looking at the empty street. "I'm not sure if I'd want to scare you away just yet, Bella. My secrets are secrets for a reason."_

_I nodded slightly in understanding. I turned my head forward, to face whatever it was he was facing. My voice raspy was raspy from the cold when I replied. "Me too." _

_Then I turned around at the intersection and entered the warm coffee shop._

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EPOV

_What the hell? _As we arrived at the intersection, I turned around to watch where she was leading us next. And then she abruptly, out of nowhere, turned right and entered a coffee shop. I didn't know whether or not she would want me to enter, so I stayed outside in the cold, watching her. I leaned on a light post and watched her through the windows of the coffee shop.

She ordered for her drink, making the male barista blush furiously with her smile. My God, she was beautiful. _But she wasn't mine. Nor will she ever be. _She sat down on an empty seat, the chair across hers vacant. I watched her expression carefully, her eyes weren't searching. They were… content. I figured that she _wasn't _waiting for me, and instead somebody else.

So I left.

I walked. I walked everywhere I could. I didn't bother using my car, not with this kind of snow continuously pouring down over Madison Park. From our start point at The Summit, I ended up alone in East Denny Way with snow somewhere above my ankles.

When it got too dark, I took the same route back to the apartment to freshen up before my shift. I was tired as heck, and meeting Bella today had my mind on a reel. She was mysteriously enchanting. I had to keep reminding myself that she was dating a famous actor.

I returned to the apartment to see Charlie gone. A young man had arrived and replaced him for tonight. When I got to the elevator, I smiled reminiscing Bella's presence.

By the time I was in floor 17 I was sad that the elevator didn't stop there.

And when I got on my floor, I shook my head and claimed myself insane.

_I was insane. _

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BPOV

I knew Edward was watching outside. The only reason I went in here so abruptly was because I had no idea what to expect anymore. Not from him. Asking a guy I didn't know the last name to for his _biggest, baddest secrets_ was very unlike the Bella that I knew. And much to my reluctance and dislike, it was enjoyable to see that part of me play out. It shocked me that he could gouge these emotions out of me, and these… urges for things far out of my league. I shook my head when I sat down in my seat. The feeling of being watched was suddenly gone. I finally took the chance to carefully look up, trying to be discreet. I blew my cover completely by standing up from my seat and searched with my eyes frantically when I realized Edward was gone.

He… left. _No shit, Sherlock._

I sat back down in my seat and took a sip of my tea. I always had coffee in the morning alone. Always alone, and I always felt content with it. It was a time in my life where I could always expect some peace and quiet. I mentally nodded in affirmation. When I reached for my novel in my bag, I let out an accidental and genuine sigh.

This was ridiculous. _Ridiculous._

-

It was at noon that I decided to leave the coffee shop. It must not have been healthy to hole up in a tiny coffee shop and read Jane Austen novels until dark. I packed up my books and cleaned up the mess I made on my table and left a generous tip in the metal tip box at the cashier. '_Please don't think I'm insane' _I prayed silently_._ I didn't need 'insane Bella Dwyer holes up in a coffee shop and didn't leave a tip' on some random gossip website.

I pulled my coat tighter on me and walked on the pavement, still slick from the snow. I made my way to Ben's house. I'd received a text message this morning, my boss, Jessica Stanley, had told me that paparazzi are parked in front of Ben's home 24/7 now. I'd basically been ordered to walk into a death trap. She knew that these people were hiding; and that I wouldn't have known about them unless I had relations.

They had no idea.

I was hired by Ben last month to publicize him. He was just done filming a movie that was predicted to be yet another big hit and I was to make sure that he stayed in the papers. I suggested him to 'date' another star.

Jessica Stanley chose me. I was apparently 'perfect' for the part. I'd only started working for Ben and the rumors surfaced, so she chose the easy way out. She chose a girl she didn't need to pay more money to. And I terribly needed the job, so I stuck with it.

When I arrived in Ben's house, I was no longer Bella Dwyer, I was Ben's girlfriend.

When I knocked on the door, I was not to think about Edward or his residence in floor 23.

When he kissed me on the front porch, I was the paparazzi's paycheck of the day.

By the time he dragged me inside the house in a flurry of touches, I'd lost all sense of myself.

-

I laid beside Ben's sleeping form, tucked under the covers. He had his arm slung over my waist and I sighed. To him, I was a publicist he was fooling around with. To me, for 12 hours of the day of the past month of my life, I'd unconsciously and unfortunately started falling for Ben. And when I snuck out in late hours every night, I was back to being Bella.

Truth is, I couldn't help but to like Ben. He was kind, and… handsome. At first, his superstar appeal didn't affect me. But they did eventually, and I realized it when I was too late. Far too late.

Now I had to keep up this pretense and stick with it. I closed my eyes again and dreamt of Edward.

---

EPOV

I sat down in my desk, booting up my laptop. _You can do this, Edward. _Once the laptop was up and running, I had no chances of changing my mind. I propped open Google and typed in '_Bella and Ben Hollis_' in the search box. The search led me to thousands of results. I clicked open a link of a gossip website and let it load for a while before I started browsing through the tagged headlines of the site.

'Ben Hollis was spotted at the late hours of 2am last night kissing his girl goodbye.'

'Bella Dwyer in front of her apartment building. The Summit attacked by paps.'

'Bella Dwyer over at Ben Hollis' home.'

The timelines were chronological. And it kept going, all of it. It appeared that she went over to Ben Hollis' home nearly _every single night_.

_Well, Edward, at least you know her last name now._

I cheered silently in my mind.

_Too bad it doesn't even matter._

The cheering stopped.

Groaning in utter disappointment and earning an ego bruise, I decided to browse for pictures instead.

She was _beautiful_. In every single picture, she looked flawless. She looked _happy_. In nearly every picture, she was genuinely beaming a smile. But always, _always_, there was a Ben Hollis latched to her hand. Or her hand latched onto Ben Hollis'. Or the occasional painful-to-look-at picture of her face planted on his, lips locked tightly together.

But she was happy. I couldn't bear to even think of taking that away from her. _Cause you're a fuck up, Edward._

I cursed under my breath and sighed.

_This was pointless a waste of time. You're nuts. Leave this girl alone. _

Exhaling deeply, I slammed my laptop shut and walked out the door.

I didn't meet Bella when I got home from my shift that night._ Perhaps she spent the night with Ben. _I exhaled heavily and thumped my head on my closed apartment door in exasperation.

_Yeah, I proclaim myself crazy._

---

BPOV

I sat around the Ben's lavish kitchen a few hours later, his open laptop in front of me.

"Alright, you've got an award shows to attend to next week. You excited?"

"Yeah, of course I am. Best part is, you're going with me." Ben was standing in front of the counter, shirtless no less, making coffee. He returned with a mug in each hand. He set one down, for me, and sipped from his own before he leaned down to kiss me. _This is all fake, Bella. Focus._

"Is that really necessary, Ben?" I asked him, slightly annoyed and struggling to keep my voice monotone.

He laughed and sat down across from me, "actually it is. I opened up the curtains." He winked at me. Not much later he sat back up. "Bella, it's late… Why don't you just spend the night here?"

It wasn't a question I hadn't heard before, it wasn't new to my ears. I was accustomed to his pleads, and most probably a dozen different replies to his words. "No, it's alright. I can find my way home just fine, Ben." I replied, hoping not to sound too hostile.

I had 12 hours a day to be his girlfriend. I wanted at least 8 to sleep in my own bed and 4 to walk around like a normal person, all while avoiding the continuous media attention.

"You are _so_," he paused to kiss me again, "persistent."

"But you _love_ it." I teased him with a smile.

He stood back up again, "how can I not?", flashing me his famous grin. My heart thumped against my chest and I hated myself for the unconscious response.

He took the mugs and emptied them in the kitchen sink. It was already 2am and I was still here_. I was going to miss Edward in the elevator then._ I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes. I tossed my head back in my seat.

Ben didn't even notice.

Tomorrow, pictures of me arriving here this afternoon will be up on websites. Along with pictures of me in his living room, kitchen and practically everywhere else he was. I sighed heavily, dreading the attention.

I left his home reluctantly hours later. There was nothing else to look forward to at home, and Ben was still welcoming here. But I knew I had to go and keep my sanity in the critical condition it was already in.

I slept in my own bed that night. The elevator ride up was lonely. And extremely quiet. I had nothing to do but to resort to my own overactive thoughts.

This was completely and _completely _ridiculous.

---

**AN:** Shorter than the first, I know. I won't make a habit out of it, I promise. I decided that I shouldn't extend this chapter just for word count; it's a huge step in the storyline. So many hugs to all the reviewers and those adds to your fave story list and alerts, the response helped quell my anxiety and boosted my ego, thank you! Thanks again to the people at LL and Twitter; I love you guys so much! I added pictures to my profile too, for visual readers, take a look if you'd like.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Leave a review on your way out. They're better than helping Edward with Google searches.

;]


	3. Insanity

**CHAPTER THREE**

**Disclaimer:** I'm only playing with Stephenie's crayons; I'll return them in perfect condition, I promise.

Huge AN at the bottom. This chapter's extra long to make up for the last. Enjoy.

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EPOV

This job was exhausting. My body still hasn't accustomed to the late hours of the night, and I was left with exhaustion. My sleeping schedule was erratic, I'd gotten less than 4 hours of sleep each day. Sighing, I ran a hand through my hair and pressed the elevator's call button.

Walking in the building, I decided to take note of the paparazzi parked in front of the apartment building. This was getting ridiculously insane. There were people, hiding out with their huge camera lenses in the bushes across the street. I shook my head when the elevator finally opened.

I walked inside and didn't bother punching in my number. I decided to wait for Bella's return. The dull roar was heard again in the elevator from outside the building. I laughed quietly to myself. I took off my gloves and leaned against one of the elevator's side walls awaiting Bella's voice to stand out from the noise.

"Thank you so much, Charlie." I could almost imagine her expressing her gratitude to Charlie as she rushed in the building. I heard Charlie mention a gruff 'no problem' before Bella came into view. She stood in outside the elevators in front of the open door, her body parallel to mine. She smiled at me knowingly and stepped inside. Her smile was contagious and I couldn't help but to smile back. Her lithe fingers traced the metal panel looking for her button and I was surprised when she pressed mine right after. She remembered my floor number, just as I did her.

My heart did a little victory dance.

When the doors started closing, she took a step back and leaned on the wall opposite to mine. I reminded myself again that she wasn't mine. The exhaustion from my shift overtook me and I let out an involuntary sigh.

"What's wrong?" Her voice pulled me out of my exhaustion.

I looked up at her, finally looking at her clearly. She was wearing a light brown overcoat that fell to her knees. A purple scarf was wound around her neck, falling softly at her sides. She was beautiful, as always.

"I'm alright. It's been a long day, that's all." I answered simply. She looked at me with raised eyebrows for a second but shifted her gaze and looked down at her boots. She inhaled deeply and let out a sigh, looking up at the luminescent numbers above the door.

_14_. We were close. "What?" I asked, curious about her sudden change in attitude.

She didn't take her eyes off the numbers as she answered, "I just wished people would answer my question, honestly." Her reply was quick, dismissive, and dare I say, harsh.

At that point, the elevator dinged and she walked out onto her floor. Holding an Austen novel in her right hand, she walked to her door and didn't say another word.

I was left in the small confines of the elevator, watching this stunningly beautiful girl walk out from where I was and I sighed. I truly sighed. I was disappointed, and furious at myself. I'd accidentally pissed this amazingly beautiful girl off and I had nothing I can do about it.

I couldn't help the fact that this girl intrigued me. The question marks she left in my head annoyed me to no end and I was agitated at myself. The elevator started moving up again, farther away from her and closer to my floor.

_Persuasion._ I had to get that novel, and I had to get it fast.

BPOV

I leaned on my just closed door, exhaling so loudly, it was unlady-like. _Stupid Bella, stupid, stupid, stupid!_ I was on my PMS, clutching what happened to be the saddest Jane Austen novel ever written and I _completely _snapped at Edward. I sighed and rubbed my cold fingers over my eyes, they felt like those gloriously comforting cold cucumbers in spas. _Oh, I would kill for a spa right now…_

I shook my head and opted for second best. I knew I needed a dress for next week anyways. I picked up my Blackberry from my desk and speed dialed my friend, Alice.

Alice Cullen owned one of _the_ most famous clothing lines of the entire decade. Her clothes made its way toward the red carpet slowly but surely, and now she's among one of the best. I was introduced to her when I'd first started being a publicist, managing models.

Alice picked up on the first ring and I felt instantly better. She squealed and chirped her delight in my news of stopping by her store tomorrow. She also made sure to slip in a strict demand of details of Ben. I voiced my complaint but agreed anyways.

I couldn't tell anyone anything. As far as I know, nobody could ever deny the allure of the media. I couldn't risk Ben's reputation, or my job. I knew that I had to stick with my plans, and there was no easy way out now.

I stopped talking to Alice when it got too late; she needed her rest to wake up early tomorrow. I didn't get why she needed the rest so much anyway, she always seemed high on too much sugar and caffeine for as long as I've known her.

I relied on my temporary contentment. On the fact that I was going to meet Alice tomorrow and meeting Alice was like… smoking pot on the rooftop. She had the ability to make me relax, and stop worrying. She practically held the key to my sanity.

I jumped in my shower and changed into my pajamas. I then checked the locks on my door and shrugged inside the warm covers of my bed. I fell asleep soon after 3am.

I didn't dream that night.

-

I left my apartment soon after noon and greeted Charlie on my way out. I took my car this time, Alice's store was at a distance from The Summit, and I didn't my 15 minute walk there a chance to be mauled by the paparazzi. I pulled up to her store, Mary Alice, and made a quick run for the entrance. She saved me once my feet hit the inside of her store and she locked the door, keeping the paparazzi outside. I was greeted by her warm hug once her hands were cleared of the ring of keys she carried around. I hugged her back and she didn't waste time to start searching for a dress for me.

She led me into a small room in the back of the store, filled with mannequins and boxes, marked and etched with Sharpie pens. I squeezed my torso through the maze of items and the enclosed space opened up to a much bigger space. In the center were countless racks, filled with countless different dresses. Each rack held a specific color of clothing, all of them lined up chromatically.

Alice quickly grabbed random dresses, which after questioning, wasn't really random after all. She sometimes grabbed a dress and holding it up to align with my torso, before either adding to the assortment of dresses on her bent arm or placing them back on the rack. She then proceeded to hand me the dresses she had on her arm and shoved me inside a small room, covered by a curtain.

"Hurry up, Bella. The in-demand designer will not wait on you and your slow stripping pace!" I shook my head and smiled at her antics. I walked out of the small room, barefoot, after I've tried on respective dresses.

She kept demanding me to take the dresses off quickly and putting on the new ones hastily. "I don't have super dressing speed, Alice."

She laughed at me, "Silly Bella, only you wouldn't. Now hurry!"

"Yes, sir!" I answered in a mock sergeant-Alice tone. I could almost see the smile Alice struggled to keep off of her face. "You're so lucky I love you so much, Bella."

"I know." I pushed aside the curtain and showed her the dress on me. I made a show of lifting up my hands on either side of my face, palms up and crossing my legs at the ankles while I posed.

"Voila!" I totally had the accent down, complimenting my 'I'm-selling-products-on-tv' pose.

She laughed at my shenanigans and clapped her hands. "I knew I was born to do this. You're wearing this dress, Bella. And I will hear of no complaints from you." She then threw my jeans and shirt at me, directing me to put them back on. I walked inside the dressing room and closed the curtain behind me.

I placed my hands on my hips and stared at my reflection. It really was a nice dress. It was a strapless black and white dress that ended mid thigh.

I looked back up at the reflection of my face.

I realized that I no longer knew who I really was anymore. All this time spent lying, all this… pretense. About Ben and me, continuously trying to keep both our reputations up; it was incredibly exhausting. I just missed being myself.

I shook my head and pushed my thoughts away. I put on my sweater and jeans, with the dress slung over my arm, I hopped over to Alice, my free arm slipping on my shoes. I walked outside the store and again, I was Ben Hollis' perfect, down to earth, girlfriend.

I talked to Alice for a while before leaving. She had to re-open the store to the public and I had to go anyway. I hugged Alice and reassured her that I was coming by next week for the event. She hugged me again before I got in my car. And then I drove off.

---

EPOV

I was in the break room of the hospital, catching a break. I wasn't up for a double shift tonight. I don't have nearly enough sleep in my system to even stay awake. It was an hour past midnight and I was ready to leave the hospital and sleep. "Stupid graveyard shift." I murmured under my breath in disgust and left the break room. I walked down the corridor again, the white walls of the room sickening me.

I honestly loved my job. It was just the shift. Lately I've been constantly tired, my work bored me half to death and I wanted nothing but to just lie down and sleep in my own home. But really, I couldn't.

My father, Carlisle, is one of the most famous surgeons in the country. If I hadn't worked my butt off and completed Medical school in record time, I would never be able to break out from the name they pegged for me, 'Dr. Carlisle Cullen's son'.

Thankfully, I moved states and stopped carrying that stupid nickname. Here, I was Dr. Edward Cullen. I needed to be nobody but myself. I was free to work in my own pace, without the added pressure.

I rubbed my tired eyes again and grabbed a clipboard. _Back to work._

-

I had yet to change out of my scrubs but I had to leave now if I wanted to catch a glimpse of Bella. Her attitude yesterday completely blew me away. I couldn't apprehend how that hostile… person came out of something so beautiful. I stopped in a bookstore on my way home.

The old lady behind the register at the store smiled at me when I went to pay for the book. "She confused you didn't she?" I was astounded. But then again, I was too tired to care. "Uh, yeah she did." The lady handed me my change and I left. I heard her laugh softly when I walked outside.

I tossed the book to the passenger seat. I placed my hands on the steering wheel and drove home.

It was exactly 2am when I made it inside the building. But it was different this time. The dull roar was already heard when I pushed through the door. Charlie was already rushing out the door when I greeted him with a nod. I already pressed my floor number when Bella wasn't present.

I had my attention in my new book as I blatantly ignored the closing doors. I knew that Bella was standing on the other side, but I let the door close and cut off my peripheral vision of her stunning form.

Before I knew it, the doors closed completely with a creak and the elevator moved up.

_What game are you playing, Cullen?_

---

BPOV

"You can't leave now, Bella!" And here we go…

I put on my best 'I'm-not-agitated-I'm-just-indifferent' expression and turned around to face Ben again. "But I have to. I have to go, Ben. I'll call you later, I promise."

Truth is, I was rude to Edward yesterday. And I needed tonight to at least go and apologize.

"Why won't you ever stay?" Ben's eyes were hopeful and I couldn't bear to look at his blue orbs anymore and out of impulse, I kissed him. When I pulled away, he was speechless. His eyes confused, but excited.

_That shut him up pretty quick._ "I-I have to go, Ben. I really do." I gave his hand a quick squeeze reluctantly reassuring myself. _Stay sane, Bella_.

And with that I stepped off his porch and jogged to my car. When I glanced back at him from the rearview mirror, he had a smug smile etched on his face.

_That was easy._

I'd never kissed him before. It was always him kissing me. Always. But after he initiated the fact, I was a participant in all our activities. I ran my left hand over my eye. I knew that he probably took my gesture the wrong way, but right now I was too exhausted to care. I drove the familiar route back to The Summit.

I proceeded to push through the familiar crowd and ignore the familiar dull roar at the front door.

I then took in the familiar comfort of Charlie's hands, keeping the paparazzis at bay.

I walked inside the building welcoming the familiar warmth. I thanked Charlie, like usual, and walked to the elevator. It was different this time.

The doors were closing. There _wasn't_ a familiar hand in between the creaky, metal doors. I ran, unlike usual and more like the first time, toward the elevator. I saw Edward. He was reading… something. Clearly too distracted to even notice me. The doors were closing fast and by the time I got close enough, I only got a tiny glimpse of him before the doors closed completely and a second later the luminescent numbers above the doors increased slowly.

Persuasion. He was reading Persuasion, for creeps sake! I pressed the call button for the elevator again, causing it to light around the edges. I was sure that Charlie could see me, and the peculiar scene that unfolded between the two of us, but my mind was too preoccupied to care. I shifted my weight to my right leg, quietly studying my reflection on the closed doors of the elevator.

There was no way he couldn't have heard the crazy insane crowd outside. No way. Which meant that he left me down here, on purpose. _Oh Bella, what does it matter? You were rude to him yesterday after all! _Even after a relentless self reminder that I didn't know _anything_ about this man, I couldn't stop my mind from going insane.

When the elevator dinged and the doors opened, I shook my head slightly. _You're crazy, Bella. Have you forgotten Ben? _

When I saw the button 23 un-pressed and un-illuminated, I sighed. _You're not even going to think about pressing that button, Isabella Dwyer! _

By the time I was on the 15th floor, I grunted under my breath. And I kicked the toe of my boot down on the fake hardwood floor of the clearly metallic elevator. When I reached floor 17, I knew that my suffering was over and I left the elevator, walking toward my door.

And just before the elevator doors closed, I slipped my hand inside, stepped one of my 2 feet inside the elevator and pressed the number 23, lighting it up instantaneously. I smiled. Satisfied, I walked back onto my floor and unlocked my door.

_You need to find yourself a therapist, Bella._

---

**AN:** Big ass author's note down here. If you have no questions, scroll down and leave a review, thanks!

Just to make things clear:

1. The reason that Charlie is the Charlie we know in this fic is because honestly, I was getting tired of Charlie as being the I-don't-hover father. I wanted him to be more I-care-so-therefore-I-hover father _figure_ and do Bella some good. Edward too ;]

2. Bella and Edward's relationship will happen soon. It's just going to unfold at a slower pace, stay with me on this one. No worries, Ben cares for Bella, but not deeply enough to love her. Bella _thinks _she loves Ben. But it really is just her heart that needed some love, so badly that she convinced herself that she fell for Ben. I promise you that there will be _no love triangles_! I hate love triangles; they complicate things for no reason.

3. I honestly have no plans of writing the award show, unless my muse sparks up and something really awesome happens. But for now, my brain says no to writing a chapter for the awards. It would most likely be boring. But the topic _will_ be brought up. I still have more planned for Edward and Bella.

4. As for Tattward fans, Edward's tattoos will be discussed, just not now. He has some secrets too, and I can't wait until we get there!

5. The reason that I don't put extensive character backstory is because I want things to unfold alone, throughout the story. I want you to get to know the characters in a pace that they get to know each other. So I'll stop my rambling here.

~ Thanks so much to all the amazing reviews and the amazingly flattering story alerts, thanks so much for reading! More love to the people at LL and Twitter. I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

I've gotten nearly 400-something hits on this story, and less than 20 of reviews. Please review… They help motivate me, they help me write. Get me to 40 for this chapter, and I'll update on Friday.

Reviews are better than getting Alice pick out dresses for you.

Leave one (:


	4. Friendship & Austen

**CHAPTER FOUR**

Disclaimer: I'm playing in Stephenie Meyer's sandbox. I'm not stealing, nor profiting. So leave me be with my plastic shovel and bucket. *Hmph*

AN at the bottom, as usual. Enjoy.

---

BPOV

_Don't these people ever get tired of this? I know I am. _I groaned and cursed under my breath. Nowadays, I barely even notice the noise anymore. I made myself a special room in my head to find refuge in.

I kept walking through the crowd, made easier when Charlie came to help me. I walked inside the warm building in pulled off my gloves. The elevator door was closed, and inside it was empty. I bit the inside of my cheek and contemplated.

I opted to wait.

I leaned on one side of the open doors. I sighed and leaned my head back against it, waiting.

_Temporary insanity, meet Bella._

_---_

EPOV

I was feeling much better today, finally able to get a full nights rest last night. I hurried home, I knew it was well after 2 and I would probably miss Bella.

The radio was blaring at me, begging for me to turn the volume down. But instead, I let the music fill the inside of the car, letting it drown my thoughts away. I couldn't bear to suffice what I thought of nowadays. Well, who I thought of.

I was, honestly, still reeling from the smugness of Bella's reaction. And this… game, I'm suddenly playing, left questions in me. My only hope is that I don't scare Bella away. I hid things from the world, and I didn't need her to know them and run just yet.

_You're a selfish prick, Edward. _I shook away my thoughts and turned the radio up louder. The chatter in my mind stopped abruptly and I was thankful for it, for now.

-

I pulled up to the building and for the first time, I saw the horde that had gathered in front of The Summit's heavy glass paned doors. I couldn't even fathom how Bella had to make her way through this many people just to get home. _She must really love that guy._

Murmuring under my breath, I walked down and across the street carefully, testing the waters. The dull roar heard inside the building was nothing compared to the hertz generated out here.

I pushed my way through the crowd. I couldn't believe the fact that they were still yelling, and pushing up against each other. I tucked my hands in the pocket of my jacket, worn over my hospital scrubs. The chance of meeting Bella in these clothes was completely embarrassing, but I had no choice. Not if I wanted to see her.

I was probably no different than these people out here. They all wanted to catch just a glimpse of her every night, as so did I.

I finally reached the glass doors, keeping my feet locked on the ground to avoid the constant pushing from the mob behind me. Flashing Charlie a smile, he let me in and again tried to keep people out. I realized that it was well past 2 and that I wouldn't see Bella.

I walked slowly toward the elevator, completely disappointed and unmotivated.

"Walk faster would ya?"

It was Bella. She had her hand plastered on the right side of the open doors, her body leaning on the elevators' walls.

"Bella? What are you…? What are you doing?" I asked, floored and confused.

She looked at me, amused. "Well… waiting. Come on." She tilted her head to the side, pointing out the elevator. _She was waiting? For me? _

I stood confused for a moment before stepping in.

I leaned back against the opposite wall she was on. I pressed my floor button, deciding against pressing hers for a second, but did it anyways. I didn't get to see her reaction, I'm not sure if she noticed at all.

Her bangs were covering most of her face, now looking down toward the floor. The immediate change in behavior astounded me. She was sassy and confident just a moment ago.

Frowning automatically, I asked her tentatively. "Bella, are you alright?"

She looked up at me in an instant. She had dark circles under her beautiful eyes. The normal sparkle in her eyes disappeared. Her deep, green-brown orbs were vacant. She looked almost… sad.

She blinked a few times, looking flustered. "Yeah… yeah Edward, I'm fine."

Her face was deep in thought for a moment, but she recovered quickly. She cleared her throat softly before speaking up.

"Always the observant doctor, huh?" She said with a smile.

"I guess," I was embarrassed. She'd taken a notice to my horrendous hospital scrubs.

She looked at me when the elevator dinged, she then took a moment to nod, reassuring me that she was just fine. "See you, Edward."

She stepped out of the elevator, eyes cast downward and I couldn't help but feel remorse.

_She does have a nice ass, though._

I cursed at my impulsive thoughts.

_You are one demented man, Edward Cullen._

_-_

I woke up at 11 the next day, stomach grumbling and head throbbing. After cutting myself shaving, I gulped down an Advil, realizing the sheer pain was enough to make me hurt myself. I had tonight off, thankful that it was a Sunday. I haven't had a Sunday off in a while.

I got out of my apartment, in hopes of doing something fun today. It was hard, living out of town from your family and friends. There was really nobody here. I occupied myself in bookstores and the local record store.

I smiled at Charlie as I left the building.

"You just missed her, Edward. She _just_ left." He looked at me with a knowing smirk; I shook my head and feigned nonchalance.

Walking out the door and into the cold, I unconsciously retraced the steps Bella had lead me onto. I saw the coffee shop at the intersection and leaned against the metal post again.

She was inside.

Holding yet another Austen novel, I smiled. I saw the white earphones plugged into her ears, the color peeking out of her straight, brown hair. She had a warm coffee on the table and all too soon, the coffee lured me in.

Hell, who was I kidding? _Bella._

It was _Bella_ who lured me in. And before I knew it, I was stepping into the warmth of the coffee shop.

---

BPOV

_Elizabeth's spirits soon rising to playfulness again, she wanted Mr. Darcy to account for his having ever fallen in love with her. "How could you begin?" said she. "I can comprehend your going on charmingly, when you had once made a beginning; but what could set you off in the first place?" _

_"I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look, or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I __had__ begun." _

_"My beauty you had early withstood, and as for my manners—my behaviour to __you__ was at least always bordering on the uncivil, and I never spoke to you without rather wishing to give you pain than not. Now be sincere; did you admire me for my impertinence?" _

_"For the liveliness of your mind, I did."_

"Another Austen novel? Really?"

I looked up from the page and met Edward's smiling face. I frowned, with a smile, and lifted an eyebrow suspiciously.

"What could you possibly be doing here, Edward?"

He smiled his breathtaking grin and pulled the chair opposite to mine away from the table, plopping down on it. He placed his elbows on the table, hands clasped together.

"I didn't think I'll need a valid reasoning for that question, Ms. Dwyer."

I bit the inside of my cheek and smiled, looking down at my book and continuing to read. But honestly, I couldn't even concentrate. Through my peripheral vision, I could see him still smiling, and looking at me, amused.

After minutes of struggling to get through a passage, I looked up at him, confused.

"What are you doing? I'm honestly,_ honestly_ a boring person, you're going to get bored very quickly here, Edward." I looked at him skeptically, allowing my eyes to linger down to his perfectly shaped cheekbones, prodding out from his skin.

He cleared his throat and I shifted back my gaze. "You're not boring, Bella. You… intrigue me. Probably more than you should."

I didn't know how to respond to that, so I looked back down at my book. Heat travelled up my neck and onto my cheeks.

"Another Austen novel then?" He smiled at me, his eyes curious.

I murmured a silent "mhhmm" at him, not looking up at my book and taking the risk of getting too distracted and caught up staring at him.

"Feminist." His tone was playful, yet provoking. I dropped my book completely, lying it page spread open, face down on the table top.

I bit the inside of my cheek, my teeth making a small indentation. I continued to look at him, questioning.

"What've you got against Austen?" My tone changed slightly, now prodding and challenging.

He cleared his throat again and sat up in his chair, his back straight.

"Well, to begin, all her heroine characters are similar. They are only slightly different in each novel. They _think _the same, they _act_ the same… _Only_ her characters' familial relations are different! _Every_ book is _the same_. Seriously, every single one."

He ended with a discriminating tone, drawing out the last words, speaking them one by one. He looked back into my eyes, waiting for my retort.

I smiled at the challenge. I followed suit, sitting up from my slouching position in my seat.

"Her female characters are _colored_ with warmth and enthusiasm, anything energetic, poignant… or heartfelt… They are all separate and unique in their own way! Austen writes absolutely brilliantly. Her attention to detail, might I mention, is also flawless. Sure, it's criticized, but what great work isn't?"

He looked thoughtful for a moment. I picked up my coffee and sipped the warm liquid before setting it back down.

"Bella, her attention to detail, is tiring to read." He shook his head in amusement. I couldn't help but smile. This was turning out to be one of the best conversations I've had lately.

His knowledge of literature had me completely floored. I hadn't known that he even noticed my book at all. I couldn't help but smile back at him. He had a small, gorgeous smile playing on his delicious lips.

"Get some coffee, Edward. I have a feeling we're going to be here for quite a while."

-

I looked at him, astonished. I was pretty sure my mouth was gaping open, but what the hell.

_Oh no he didn't!_

I was offended. Baffled. Astounded. Floored. Stunned.

_Ah, screw it. _

"Nothing is wrong with Elizabeth Bennet!"

He was beaming a smile on his face, laughing at my agitation.

"My dear Bella… Everything was wrong with Elizabeth Bennet! She judged on first impression, and being her arrogant self she therefore overlooked her own happiness!"

I stared at him in bewilderment, shocked at his words. My feet's movement on the pavement came to a halt, I stopped. He seemed shocked that I did, so he stopped too. I turned to face him.

"Elizabeth Bennet is an intelligent, lively, attractive and witty young woman!"

He looked at me skeptically.

"Oh come on! As if you wouldn't fall in love with her!" I teased him, still slightly offended and incredulous.

He turned his gaze around, now looking straight ahead. He started walking again, regaining our previous slow pace.

The snow stopped falling but the streets were empty. I'd longed for peace and quiet like this for far too long.

This… slow walking pace. The… silence. All of it.

Being with Edward felt unbelievably… normal. Human. Regular and average. I'd grown to miss this.

He still looked straight ahead, down the empty pavement and streets. I looked ahead also, my feet thudding rhythmically on the sidewalk.

He took a deep breath before starting again.

"Falling in love with a young, intelligent, witty, attractive and lively woman is _entirely_ possible for me, Bella."

He paused before continuing.

"I don't think that it was a decision in the first place… But instead, this girl… she makes decisions that are rash, quick… Too impulsive. She's selective with her evidence and believes in what she _chooses _to believe in… She's holding herself back from her own happiness. From someone who could actually make her happy. And… just cherish her wellbeing…"

He ended with a soft sigh. I sighed in response too.

After moments of silence, I found myself unable to form a coherent response to his words.

Our walk back to the Summit was silent. The quiet thudding of our shoes on the slick pavement was the only sound keeping my mind from floating away.

_What did his answer even mean?_

We were still silent in the elevator.

And when I set down my foot on my floor, I silently gestured a goodbye to him with my eyes. For a small moment, his eyes mirrored mine.

He smiled a silent smile.

I was silently content.

When I was alone again in on my floor, I was silently lonely. Silently missing the moment we shared for the entire day, already slipping away far too quickly.

I propped my bag and book down on the kitchen counter and dropped my keys next to my phone. After what seemed like hours of contemplation, sitting too rigidly on the bar stool at the kitchen counter, I picked up my Blackberry off of the cold marble table and texted Ben.

I said that I wouldn't be there tonight on account of feeling unwell.

It wasn't a lie. I really was unwell.

_I wasn't lying to him._

Groaning, I walked to my bathroom, stripping off my clothing on the way.

This was too silent. Too deafening to handle.

When the shower came on, the noise startled me. And then it became quiet again.

Too much… silence. The quiet left me no room but to settle with my chaotic thoughts, running rampant from the day's activities.

Silence.

I felt too… alone.

---

EPOV

This woman… will be the death of me.

My own words repeated itself in my head over and over again.

I probably sounded crazy.

Those words I spouted off spontaneously probably made me sound insane.

I grabbed a fistful of my hair and cursed under my breath. I plopped down on my couch and laid my head back against the headrest, neck stiff and angular.

My mind played over and over, the accounts of the day. Perhaps the best day I'd had as of late. This unbelievably, amazing, gorgeously beautiful girl had managed to astound me. Over and over the fuck again.

_Fucking Bella._

I was screwed. There was no getting away from this.

I propped up my legs on the coffee table, the wood grunting under my weight. I shut my eyes tight and tried to stop the constant replaying of words in my head.

There was no way, even if I tried, that I would be able to stay away from her. Bella was so… enticing. Appealing, exquisite, stunning… Beautiful.

Her straight brown hair would frame and tickle her cheeks, tempting me to brush it away. Her deep, wide chocolate brown eyes captivated my own, and before I knew it, I was done for. Her full lips would curl into a knowing smirk…. So plump and soft…

Sighing, I ran my hand over my eyes. I didn't know if I could possibly stay away from her anymore. _But she was so exquisite. _I'd met girls before. But none like her.

She…

Bella was something else.

I cared for her too. Perhaps too much for my own good. But hell, I couldn't help it. I'd never met anyone like her… She was different. I felt for her. I _wanted_ to feel her. She made me feel the way I'd never felt before.

Alive. Exuberant. Exhilarated. Vivacious…

Happy.

I was happy. With Bella, I was myself and I was myself in ways I never knew was possible before. She let me be _happy_.

But fuck, I didn't give a fuck about not knowing her. I didn't know her at all.

She was a fucking stranger but I didn't care.

Bella…

I saw her more than just a gorgeous girl. But I was reminded of how I used to be when I was with her. I was carefree again.

_Fucking thirty fucking seconds._

Thirty seconds. Just thirty seconds a day with her and I was already addicted. The soft electric current would buzz between us and crawl on my skin, tempting me to act on it. Tempting me to touch her.

I longed for those glorious thirty seconds every moment of the day.

There was no way I could keep away from her anymore. I knew it meant destruction. It would mean complete and utter destruction, for both me and her.

Fuck that.

I didn't think I would have it any other way. If it was a fall I was heading toward, it was a fall I was ready to take.

I was ready for destruction. I had nothing to lose. I had little to give and absolutely nothing to lose. I was ready to fall. I was ready to give in.

A part of me knew I probably already had.

---

BPOV

I had my elbows on the kitchen counter, the light from the microwave blinking at me.

Midnight.

Two more hours and I was done. For tonight at least.

The award show was tomorrow. My head hurt just thinking about it.

Fuck.

I did not want to go. To an extent, sure yeah, going wasn't a problem. But now that it was a day away, I found myself with an abundance of other ways I could be spending my time.

I need to fucking get some sleep.

That night, I pulled myself off of the kitchen counter and into the warm bed waiting for me. Ben didn't even notice I'd gotten up at all.

-

Fucking finally.

I was in the elevator. The walls felt so warm around me, it was comforting. I leaned against one of the walls and stood there, letting the metal doors close. The elevator stayed there, the buttons all sitting untouched.

I waited.

---

EPOV

Fuck.

The doors were closed.

I missed her.

Drunk teenager just had to puke on me today. I exhaled heavily, shooting Charlie a sad smile. My head hung low and I pressed the elevator's call button.

"Rough night?" I looked up to see Bella, in the elevator, her eyes peeking up under her hair.

I frowned, confused. _She was here. _

"Uh yeah, you can say that." I nodded and stepped inside.

I pressed in both her number and mine, in that order. Leaning against the side, I could see her, slumped on the back wall.

"You alright?" Shit. _Why the heck do I say that now?_

"I'm fine." Her voice was soft, but I heard it nonetheless.

I nodded in response. I had nothing else to say.

"Edward?" That voice…

"Yeah?" I looked up to face her.

She hesitated for a moment. "What are we?" Her shoulders lifted as she asked.

My brow furrowed for a moment.

"Neighbors?" She bit the inside of her cheek and laughed.

"No shit, Sherlock."

_Shit, that smile was gorgeous._

She bit her lip and started again. "Are we… Friends?"

My heart did a silent jump and my gut filled with joy.

It felt like fucking Christmas.

"Yeah, Bella. We're friends."

The elevator dinged.

"Okay." She nodded softly.

She didn't move.

She stayed there, leaning against the wall.

The doors opened and closed again, the elevator now moving up toward my floor.

Her head was still angled downwards, her eyes cast to the floor.

"Bella, are you sure you're alright?" I moved toward her, placing my arm on her small shoulder.

Her eyebrows rose for a second and she inhaled. "Yeah, yeah. I'm fine."

_Silence._

She rose up her hand to catch my wrist, the one perched on her shoulder. Her warm hand covered my wrist and I felt so secure.

It felt like fucking New Years.

She leaned forward against me and dropped her forehead forward, dropping it on my chest. She exhaled deeply.

"No, Edward, I'm not alright. But I will be. I'll be fine."

I moved my hand to the back of her neck instinctively and she moved her small hand to rest on my waist, just above my belt line. We fit perfectly. Our bodies fit perfectly in each others.

Our bodies moved perfectly, in sync with each other as we breathed. The rise and fall of our chests would cause our torsos to graze softly. I inhaled the scent from her hair, memorizing the way the tiny strands stood up and tickled my chin.

And then I knew too, we were going to be alright.

Eventually.

---

**AN:** I am terrible! I know, I know. But heck, life is terrible to me lately. I've had nearly no time to write at all! But hey, this chapter's 500 words longer than the last! :) I hope you enjoyed it though. Forgive me for not updating, let's all hope the next one won't take as long. Note the fact that I still don't have a beta. *sigh* The amount of profanity in this chapter was unexpected, and I'm not too happy about it. But oh well...

This chapter was a biznatch to write. I wrote paragraphs and scrapped it over and over. But it finally came out the way I wanted it to, so thank God. I apologize again!

Reviews are better than fitting your body perfectly with Edward's hugs. Leave one.


	5. Breathing Gets Easy

CHAPTER FIVE

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Same old, same old.

AN at the bottom, like always. After much ado, enjoy!

---

BPOV

Our breathing was synchronized. Every one of our inhales and exhales coincided. Every time we took in air, his rock hard chest would rise and move my head, positioned snugly on his chest, a little before it fell again.

No particle of air was lost in our respiration. Time didn't move. It was just us.

Silence.

I'd never felt more peaceful in my life than I did then.

I felt his warm skin on my hand, the heat permeating through his shirt. He would move his thumb ever so slightly on the back of my neck and I would sigh.

We never missed a beat.

I didn't know how long we both stayed there. It felt like eternity. We were safe in the confines of the elevator, and the world didn't matter, it was just us. It felt like an eternity and it was an eternity I never wanted to let go. I never wanted it to end.

When the first, warm tear fell from my eyes, down my cheek and onto his shirt, I shut my eyes tightly. I hadn't planned on crying.

I hadn't planned on anything.

I hadn't planned on meeting Edward. I hadn't planned on feeling so safe around him. I hadn't planned on being so content when he was around.

I hadn't planned on relying on him.

Now I found myself, so dependent on a person I didn't know. I was attached. I… felt.

I was scared. Terrified.

But at that moment, my worries didn't matter. What mattered was the moment itself. Just the two of us.

Breathing.

The simplest thing in the entire world felt so precious and beautiful to me.

My skin would tingle as the air around us moved. I melted at his touch, his grazes electrifying my skin. I felt it. I felt everything. I felt it _magnified_. Every sensation was much more intense than anything I'd ever felt in my life.

I felt human. _Alive._

_---_

EPOV

_Wednesday_

It's been three days.

I haven't seen Bella in three days.

Do I honestly have to repeat that to you?

My vision was clouded, my thoughts hazed. It felt like I couldn't function without her…. It was hard to think, it was difficult to behave normally.

Two sleepless nights and three unproductive days.

I was calculated. I was controlled. I was a calculated, controlled person. I took everything into consideration, including my speech. I analyze my words in my head before I spit them out.

But not with Bella.

Everything turns fuzzy when she's around. When she's… doing that thing with her eyes and her lips and her… everything that makes her so gorgeous and irresistible. I have NO social filter around her. I end up saying exactly what is in my head, whatever it is I'm thinking.

Never had I ever had that problem before. Ever.

My problem had always been the exact opposite.

But with Bella, I turn to an open spigot, gushing words out of my brain non-stop. It's scaring me.

I'd never been that way before. With anyone.

Let alone a gorgeous stranger.

---

BPOV

_Thursday_

"Ben, I really have to go."

He looked at me, clearly disappointed. I pulled on my shoes and stepped out the door. He stood there in the doorway, watching me. "Alright… But you know how much I hate it when you leave."

I nodded abruptly, forcing a smile. He leaned forward and kissed me, his hand on the back of my neck. I moved my lips against his and pulled away.

I felt nothing.

-

I thanked Charlie again, like I do every night and walked for the elevator. I pressed the elevator's call button and stepped in.

I waited.

I was tired. Exhausted. Worn out.

I lacked sleep and rest, my entire body felt like it was shutting down. I leaned back on the cold walls of the elevator and sighed. I let my shoulders slump and huffed out an involuntary strangled breath.

Biting the inside of my cheek, I held back the tears that threatened to fall. I couldn't remember the last time I'd cried. It was nearly a year ago, and it wasn't pleasant. I've kept my feelings and emotions non-physical since then.

This felt strange.

I felt gaspy, like I lacked oxygen in my lungs. My breathing came out in tremors and my slumped shoulders shook. Tremors went through my body.

I shook.

And before I knew it, I cried.

It was 2am in the morning, inside a cold elevator. I was waiting for a stranger to walk inside, and I was crying.

Crying because I was tired, crying because I was sick.

I'd had nearly enough, and I didn't know how much longer I could actually keep up with the pretense. This illusion of a life I had a part in creating.

I created this illusion, this fake life. I lived and breathed it. I brought this onto myself. I couldn't possibly blame anyone. This was all my doing.

The elevator doors opened loudly and the world stopped.

I could smell him. He smelled like hospital and musk and male. Like a warm blend of cinnamon and mint… I couldn't describe it. But I knew that the second I inhaled his scent, all hell broke loose.

I lost all sense of myself. Again.

"Bella, are you alright?"

I shook my head and I didn't lift up my gaze. I didn't want him to see me like this.

No one should see me like this.

But he did.

He stepped forward and wrapped his warm arms around my trembling shoulders and I shook in his grasp. I was sobbing in tears and he held me.

He held me.

He held me while I pounded my fist against his chest. Over and over again, my fists met his chest, pounding as hard as I could. I didn't want to seem weak.

I wasn't weak.

I couldn't be. Not anymore.

He whispered soft words in my ear, stroking the hair at the back of my neck. He held on to me while I struggled against his gentle but firm grasp.

I quickly gave up to my futile attempts at pushing away his hold on me.

We stayed there.

I gave in.

I ended up with my forehead on his shoulder, my face a heaping mess of sweat and tears.

He didn't care.

I stopped caring.

We stayed there. For much longer than we probably should have. For much longer than I would let myself allow.

We both stopped caring.

His voice broke the silence. "Bella, love, was it Ben? Did he do anything to you? Did he hurt you?"

His voice was soft and caring, and I melted in his arms, even more than I had before.

"No."

"Then what is it? Love, you can tell me anything, you know that right?"

He kept rubbing small circles on my neck, easing out the kinks that'd formed there.

"Yeah." I paused, clearing my throat, "just not now. Not yet."

He nodded in understanding, his chin moved against the top of my head.

I lifted up my face carefully and my eyes met his.

I sank in a sea of green. His hand moved to my cheek, rubbing slowly.

"Alright. I'll wait."

We had our foreheads to each other, my hand clasping the belt loop of his jeans, fiddling with his shirt.

I felt it.

The weird electricity seemed to buzz all around us. It formed a field around us and we were surrounded by it.

I felt like I could breathe again.

Like perhaps, I was alive.

"Edward?" my voice was cautious.

"Yes, love?"

"Please don't kiss me." My bottom lip quivered.

He nodded, understanding.

"I'll wait." He nodded against my forehead, his lithe fingers tracing the angles of my cheek.

Another tear fell from my eye and he quickly wiped it away. His eyes stared into mine, pleading.

"I'll wait."

-

I let the hot water scald my skin.

Edward. I could feel Edward. Everywhere. On me.

My skin tinged a soft, musky and minty smell. Edward's scent.

I hated it.

I hated the sole comfort his presence created for me. I hated the fact that there was no way of containing myself around him. When he was around, I felt safe. I felt comfort… Contentment. It felt like home.

I ran my hands through my tangled, wet locks. Trembling, I took my head in my hands and placed my bent elbows on the cold wall of the shower.

I remember everything.

Every touch he left, lingering on my skin. The way his fingers ghosted over my neck, massaging softly. I remember the way the small hairs on my head danced when he exhaled. The way I melted into his arms…

I couldn't fathom how I actually felt. I didn't know what it all meant. Everything was so confusing. The vivid flashes of Edward flashed over and over in my mind.

But at that moment, where felt vulnerable and broken and weak, I knew for certain of one thing.

I missed him already.

I was so… close. I tried to hold back the thoughts I knew were real. Edward's touches… they were affectionate. I tried so badly to ignore the fact that I acknowledged so perfectly.

I knew I was scared. I was worse than scared, I was freaked out. I didn't want to know. Some things were just better left unknown and with my knees buckling under the scalding water of my shower that night, that was what I thought of Edward.

My feelings. My actual feelings. My actual, honest and vulnerable feelings about Edward…

They were better left unknown.

---

EPOV

_Thursday morning._

"Bella?"

She turned around and looked up at me. "Yeah?" She sucked in her bottom lip and caught them between her teeth. So beautiful…

"I, uh… Don't answer this if you don't want to but uh, what… what happened last night?"

My neck didn't change its position. My current vision was of my shoes and the slick pavement.

She breathed silently for a bit, trying to form the right words in her mind.

"I was getting tired. Of everything. I broke down. I thought I was happy, but deep inside I knew I really wasn't. I mean, I don't know. It's weird, I guess…"

I nodded silently, pondering. She seemed unsure with her own answer, but it was sufficient. For now, I let it drop.

I knew that we were running. The discussion about what happened that night never came up. We were scared, the both of us. The questions lingered uncomfortably in the back of my mind.

I knew that I wasn't good enough for her. I was a screw up. I ruin things inevitably, out of instinct. I destroy.

I was afraid of destroying her.

The pieces of ink imbedded in my skin were part of who I was. When I was done ruining everything around me, I ruined myself too.

Bella didn't run.

She wasn't disgusted.

But maybe she should be. Maybe it'd be better for her to be repulsed by me. Maybe she should start running, as far away. As far away as she could. From me.

I was falling. And there was no way I was letting Bella go down with me.

---

BPOV

_Friday_

I slipped on my Ray Bans and walked into the warm sun. Every memory of what happened last night was pushed to the very back of my mind. _This was going to be just like any other Friday. _Strong, independent and confident Bella was back, for good.

I'd been in my lowest and weakest point last night and I wasn't letting it happen again.

I had actual plans tonight. For an actual weekend. With my actual, well sort of, boyfriend.

Ben and I were going to hit up a small, open-mic-night bar. Of course only for one purpose and one purpose only, real Hollywood hotshots taking their girlfriends to a down-to-earth outing? Publicity.

-

"You really were serious about this, weren't you?"

Ben had been whining about this small-bar outing for the past hour.

"Yes. Now stop complaining." I huffed in annoyance, slipping my ankle boots on with a hand on the wall to keep my balance.

"Give me one good reason why I have to go."

I resisted rolling my eyes and stomping out the door, leaving him there at the door.

"Because, well real boyfriends take their real girlfriends to real dates. Even Hollywood stars. Once the press sees you're down-to-earth… or whatever, they're going to love you…. Yadda-yadda-yadda." I waved around my arms frantically to prove my point. "Can we go now?"

He was smiling again.

Finally.

He picked up the keys from the table by the door and took my hand, dragging me out.

This was going to be a long night.

---

EPOV

I pushed at the door with my shoulder and signed my name in the clipboard on the wall. Walking in, I rested my guitar case on the bar and sat on one of the stools. It was a fairly crowded night, but it was a comfortable crowd. I noticed a few locals sitting around, beers in hand.

I raised my hand at the bartender, asking for a beer. My eyes scanned the room once again, closely this time.

Bella.

---

AN: The abundance/overuse of profanity in the last bit of the last chapter was really unintentional. But after reading it over, I realize that it actually shows how agitated and annoyed they are about their new feelings they aren't meant to feel.

Thanks to everyone who has waited for this chapter and reviewed the last. Every reader who's decided to remain anonymous, I love you guys too. I'm truly, truly sorry for how long this chapter took. RL hates me and I hate RL. I'm also sorry that I haven't gotten around to replying every single review but I'll start ASAP. Let's hope the next chapter won't take as long. *crosses fingers*

I hope you enjoyed this (super short but difficult to write) chapter, and it was worth the wait. Leave a review on the way out? Thanks so much! :)


	6. Therapeutic Chain of Events

CHAPTER SIX –

Disclaimer: Got Milk? Yes. Got Twilight? No. I own nothing. Oh, except for a Starbucks tumbler my friend got me for my birthday, everyone thank her. I love that tumbler.

I'll stop talking. AN at the bottom. Enjoy!

EPOV

Bella.

Bella was here.

With Ben.

Well fuck me. I grabbed the cold beer from the wooden bar-top and took a long swig.

Performing would be impossible with her here. I'd be too distracted. Too focused on her, too focused on the lucky bastard sitting next to her. I'd be too distracted to think. Too distracted to breathe…

"Cullen! You're up!"

Shit.

I finished up the rest of my beer, chugging down the cold, smooth liquid and stood up. She had yet to notice me sitting here. She was sitting with her back to the stage, her long brown hair cascading in small, smooth waves down her back. I picked up my guitar case and walked over to the small stage. I took my time. Pulling out my guitar slowly, adjusting the mic stand and whatnot. I hesitated the entire time, my mind contemplating.

I was so screwed.

BPOV

Blah-blah-blah.

Ben was ranting, his voice a soft droning hum in my ears. I nodded and smiled when appropriate, feigning attention. Don't get me wrong. I didn't mind hearing him talk about anything; it was just that I was very… distracted. A small quake of uneasiness was dancing in the pit of my stomach and I couldn't pinpoint what caused it.

It was like that feeling where you just knew something was going to happen. Or blow up in your face. I'm slightly spooked, not being able to brush off the feeling like I usually could.

It was my first time in this bar and I loved it already. It wasn't too large, just small enough. It had friendly locals sitting around, listening to good music. A few of the songwriters who'd gone up the stage to perform were pretty good. It wasn't overwhelming.

The crowd was comfortable. It was a rarity as of late.

Ben loved it here too. He wasn't pestered by people, but instead, he welcomed a few hushed whispers and pointed looks thrown in our direction with a small smile and nod at their general direction.

I clapped along with the crowd when the latest performer ended. She took a bow and left the stage with her guitar. A tiny redhead came up to the mic, hushing everyone.

"Our next performer is a regular on Friday nights in this bar. If you're regulars too, you'd know damn well who I'm talking about. Please welcome to the stage, Edward Cullen!"

Edward?

No. This couldn't be the same guy.

No way. My neighbor was a damn doctor with a tousled mess of hair and deep green eyes who was sexily inked.

The crowd applauded and cheered loudly. I clapped along with the crowd as well. Ben dragged his chair over to mine and turned to straddle the chair and faced the stage. I picked up my chair slowly, turning it around. The quake of uneasiness strong again in the pit of my stomach.

I could feel it.

The electricity.

It was familiar and strangely comforting and content. I knew for a fact that I've felt it before. I couldn't pinpoint it--

It was Edward.

No, seriously. It was sexy neighbor Edward.

He sat on the wooden stool of the stage, the hot white light shining on him.

His honeyed, velvety voice echoed through the speakers.

"This one's dedicated to… an Elizabeth Bennett whom I know is in the crowd somewhere. She knows who she is. The song's called 'Under The Covers.'"

That did _not_ just happen.

There couldn't be any other girl he was referring to with that name… is there? I mean, for all I knew, the boy was a player.

A small pang of jealousy quaked in my stomach but was washed away quickly as the girls in the club quickly became flustered, looking around for this 'Elizabeth'. They squealed and their gazes searched frantically.

Ben leaned back on his backward facing chair rested his arm on the back of mine. I leaned back into the seat, my palms together between my crossed legs, my ankles apart. I paid close attention to Edward, watching his eyes flutter closed as he started to strum his guitar.

_I'm bottling up your soft, dream-like scent__  
__In my head for the ride home__  
__I've been searching with bruised limbs__  
__For ways to get me going__  
__For ways to get me going_

The crowd cheered on. I clapped my hands lightly, too captivated to move my eyes. His lips grazed the mic lightly as he sang, uttering word after word of the song's prose.

_To give me confidence to stare__  
__And observe the world__  
__To give me confidence to stare_

He opened his eyes, but his gaze stayed pinned at the floor of the stage flickering between that and his guitar. His dark eyelashes grazed his cheek lightly, fluttering in the softest way. I watched, mesmerized as his fingers danced on the guitar. His feet sat at the parallel legs of the stool, moving lightly to the rhythm.

"Do you know him?"

Surprised I answered, "Yeah. He lives in the same building as I do."

Ben gave me a curt nod and moved his gaze back to the stage.

_If I could sleep forever__  
__Would you still be in my dreams?__  
__If I could sleep forever__  
__Would you still be in my dreams?_

He lifted up his head and his eyes searched around the room shyly. It took a while but our gazes finally connected.

_Under the covers_

His eyes never left mine. I bit my lower lip down but couldn't resist letting out a soft smile when he finished strumming out the last chords of the song. His eyes crinkled as he smiled back at me. I clapped my hands and cheered loudly while Ben, who I'd forgotten completely about, raised his cold beer and gave Edward a curt nod.

Crap.

I was so screwed.

EPOV

I squinted against the harsh stage light, picking up my guitar, I walked off the stage. I smiled at Arlene when I passed by her. She shushed the crowd once again and welcomed another artist. I high-fived a few people on my way back to the bar. I packed up my guitar and grabbed another cold beer. I passed the case over the bar top to Sam for him to keep safe. He smiled at me and passed me a cold beer.

"It's on the house, Cullen. Great show tonight."

I walked over, cautiously to Bella's table, taking note of Ben's presence.

_Lucky bastard._

Bella grinned up at me and clapped. "I didn't know you could sing! Or play the guitar… or sing at open mic nights! You've been holding out on me, Edward."

I grinned at her and laughed, her cheerfulness infectious.

"Ben, right?" I offered up my hand to him as politely as I could manage. He took my hand in his and shook it firmly. He nodded at me. "Edward, right?"

"Yeah."

I looked at Bella again, about to tell her that I was leaving for the night, but she beat me to it.

"Join us, Edward." I shook my head with the smile still lingering and she pouted at me. "Please?" She looked up at me with those soft brown eyes and there was no way I could've refused.

I hesitated again for a second, but agreed anyways.

I bit at the inside of my cheek, "Sure."

I dragged up a chair and sat down, placing my cold beer on the table.

The rest of the night was filled with a repetitive cycle of laughter and comfortable conversation. We clapped and listened to the other performers and talked during the small breaks. We talked about safe subjects. It never got too personal or uncomfortable. The awkward silences were made up for with Bella striking another topic to carry our conversation.

The only time it ever got personal was when Bella asked me if I'd taken up on her offer to read some Austen. I shook my head, my lips pursed. Ben watched awkwardly from the sidelines, his arms crossed across his chest. He took a quick glance at me, not showing any emotion at all and slung an arm over the back of Bella's chair.

I hoped he hadn't noticed, but then I'd be lying. He noticed it. He saw it.

Heck, he probably felt it too.

BPOV

The night soon came to a close. The loud murmur in the bar dissipated and the crowd filtered out around us. Before we even knew it, the sound guys were packing their cables and the bartenders wiped down the counters. It was 1 in the morning, and it didn't feel like it at all.

Ben took a final swig at his no-longer-cold beer and got up from his seat.

"We probably should get going before they kick us out."

I smiled at him and nodded, getting up from my seat also. Edward stood up and walked over to the bar tables, now clean and empty.

Ben's voice was hushed and apologetic when he spoke. "I don't think I can take you back, Bella. It's late and you _know _I have to be on set early tomorrow. Do you want me to call you a cab… or-"

"Don't worry about it, I'll walk with Bella." Edward was back. He stood behind me, guitar case in hand.

"I'll call a cab, don't worry, Edward." I wasn't going to make this any more awkward than it already was.

"I'll walk you home, it's no problem. I'm walking anyways…"

I nodded finally, agreeing. I pushed my hair out of my face and took Ben's hand. We walked outside the now empty bar, Edward trailing behind me. We stopped in front of his SUV and I gave him a hug goodbye. He awkwardly whispered a goodnight and I did the same.

Edward waved at him and Ben nodded.

We were all well aware of the paparazzi squad lurking in the bushes. I shoved my hands in my coat pockets and started walking on the slick pavement, Edward beside me. We didn't get too far before a few photographers came at us, walking backwards with their huge cameras pointed at us, snapping away. They shouted over each other's voices, trying to ask us questions. The bright flashes hurt my eyes and I ducked my head a little to avoid the glare.

I smiled, keeping quiet; a surefire way to get rid of them the fastest. They said their thank you's and I smiled at them, a silent way of being friendly. The press loves friendly actors' friendly girlfriends. Edward still had his head down after the photographers left, eyes trained on his feet. I chuckled.

"What are you doing?" I looked at him.

He looked at me like I was nuts. "That's what you do? After giving you hell for practically trailing you around everywhere and you smile and say 'thank you'?"

I grinned at him. "Yeah." I answered in a no-duh tone. "Best way to get rid of them."

He laughed. No I mean, he truly laughed. It was young and carefree and happy.

"I don't know how you deal with all this."

I shrugged, "I actually don't deal with it. Did you see how I answered _none _of their questions? Or how I kept quiet and friendly. I don't yell at them, or carry around a 200 pound bodyguard. The press is so easy to manipulate, Edward. You just have to know your way around it. I let them do their job, and they'll leave me alone to do mine."

Edward simply nodded at me, "I didn't know that."

"Not many people do." I smiled.

We continued walking down the road. Edward took a detour and kept us walking in the main roads, avoiding the alley shortcuts I would've taken. The sidewalks were brightly lit around here, and there were always a few cars around.

I broke the comfortable silence, lifting the somewhat heavy air around us. "You were really good tonight, I'm still reeling over the fact that you are a chivalrous, avid reader, who works insane hours as a doctor _and_ plays at open mic nights."

Edward grinned and turned at me. "You said that already." His voice was teasing, with an underlying tone of playfulness.

We laughed in the comfortable silence. The night was chilly, but comfortable. I moved my fingers around in the pockets of my jacket. The streetlights colored the grey pavement a warm yellow and created circle patterns with rings around the edges, fascinating.

We walked slowly, passing through the small convenience stores and 7-11s. Some of the stores had music blaring from the inside, a low humming of beats heard from where we were.

"Ben… He, he seems nice."

I laughed softly. "Don't worry about it, Edward. You probably won't see him again after tonight. He keeps to himself."

EPOV

We were back in the comfortable elevator again.

Neutral grounds.

The elevator dinged much too quickly for my liking and I held the door open as Bella turned around to face me.

"I had a nice time tonight, Edward."

Smiling, I replied. "You make it sound like we just went out for a date, Bella."

She smiled at me. It was honest and genuine and happy. I wanted to hold the memory of her smile in my brain and keep it there.

"Let me rephrase then, I'm glad I ran into you tonight."

I rested my hand on the edges of the cold elevator door.

"Me too."

She gave me a smile, "goodnight, Edward."

I made no move to reply, but she already turned away.

My mouth opened to speak but the words were late to catch up, "Bella?"

"Yeah?" She turned around to face me again, eyes large in curiosity. "What's wrong?"

"Bella, I… I don't want the night to end. Not yet."

She pulled her bottom lip between her teeth.

"Me neither."

Her eyes flickered to the ground before picking her gaze back up again.

"You wanna come in?"

Saying no wasn't an option. I knew it was a bad idea.

No wasn't an option.

"Sure."

My hand left the door and it slid closed behind me.

AN: This chapter's dedicated to a fine lady, RosAlice22 who has so kindly requested to translate my story into the beautiful language of Spanish! Everyone give her a round of applause, she made my week :D She continues to ego-boost me and I love her for it. Her computer was attacked by a super-evil virus and she lost the translate files. We've promised each other to get back to writing. Thank you so much, Mariela! Mwah!

Further thank you's go to ladies at LL, Twitter and my fine, fine reviewers. Thank you so much for all your support! You guys are the only reason this chapter's here. I cut up the lyrics by the way; I don't exactly like reading song-fics where the lyrics make up half the chapter, so I left parts of it out. Youtube the song, it's worth it.

I know I took a month to update… I apologize, again. Let's hope the next one won't take as long! I hope you liked this chapter!

Leave a review; they're better than squee-ing to Edward's soft, velvety voice.

(insert heart emoticons)


	7. A Poem and a Song

CHAPTER SEVEN – A Poem and a Song.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot. I _do _own a box of crayola crayons. They make me feel like I'm 5 again.

- I suggest you load www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=erspkBDsTm0 and when the good part comes up (you'll know when, trust me), play the song. :) -

AN at the bottom. Enjoy.

**BPOV**

I dropped my keys down along with my bag somewhere on the kitchen counter. It was late. I was buzzed. The few beers I'd downed slowly took effect on me and my body tingled and shivered at the cold air.

"I'll go change, Edward. Make yourself at home."

I clicked on a few lights on my path to my bedroom, illuminating my small apartment in a warm, orange glow. I slipped out of my jacket and blouse and changed into a loose shirt and shorts. My toes ached as they were released from the confines of my ankle boots and the floor felt cold under my bare feet.

I found Edward lurking through my collection of CDs that I had hanging up on the wall. I made no motion to alert him of my presence, choosing to watch quietly as his lips pursed and his fingers nimbly touching the spines of the CDs, head tilted to the side as he was reading.

"Are you going to stand there all night?"

I bit the inside of my cheek. "I was planning to."

Smiling, I walked up next to him while he kept looking through the stacks. His fingers would occasionally pause as he found a CD he also liked and the corners of his lips would curve up into a small smile. We stood there, shoulder to shoulder. When his fingers reached the end of the stack, his head turned to the rest of the apartment. I was slightly embarrassed at how cluttered my belongings were, but at that moment, I simply didn't care.

Maybe it was the small buzz running through me, the liquor's fault. Maybe it was just him. His close proximity creating the small electric currents in the air, lightly tickling my skin as it tread over it. I just knew that at that moment, I felt safe. At home.

The silence was comforting. It wasn't one of those dull silences when you got to worry about being so alone. His presence was comforting to me, and the silence was welcomed.

He moved over to my bookshelf after he went through my CDs. I took it as a sign that his analyzing was going to take a while, so I sat down on my couch, resting both my feet on the coffee table.

Edward turned around to face me, smiling as he finished.

"Did I pass your test?"

"Your music? Yes. Your books? Not quite."

I knew this was coming. We were having this argument again; I smiled, up for the challenge.

"Why?"

He smirked as he continued. "Feminist."

"Chauvinist."

The argument was settled. Here we were. Tit for tat. So different, yet so much the same. To a point where even our arguments settled at a tie.

He plopped down on my couch with a mock frown on his face, his small smile unsuccessfully hidden.

"So… What do you want to do?"

He turned to me, a look of confusion on his face.

"Hey, never said I was interesting. If you weren't here, I'd be reading… or doing something equally as boring."

He looked around my small apartment again. "You're most definitely not boring. I mean, look around. Your entire apartment is you."

It was my turn to look confused. "What in the world are you talking about?"

"Well, the walls are a warm color – you're a warm person. The eccentric collection CDs and books clearly told me more about you than you ever could possibly manage to. Your entire apartment is a cluttered, organized mess. You clearly spend time in the kitchen; it's fully stocked with appliances and that sort of thing… The guitar in the corner isn't yours, but you probably fiddled with it at some point. I can go on all night, Bella."

I coughed, suddenly nervous and baffled. "Wh—How in the world did you find out about the guitar?"

He smiled at me, all knowing. "I was correct, huh?"

"Yeah, but nobody knows about that thing. A friend from high school left it at my old house when I lived with my dad. I decided to take it with me here. I can play a few chords, nothing big. Just the result of complete boredom and the lack of life."

He laughed at my words. He pushed himself up with both hands and grabbed the guitar, picking it up with him as he walked back over to plop back down on the couch.

"It's gathering dust. The guitar isn't getting enough love from you, Bella."

I giggled like nuts. Maybe it was still the liquor buzz. But I was feeling undeniably happy and content. More than I'd been in a long time.

He strummed a few chords on it, his fingers flying across the fret board gracefully.

"Your song, it was beautiful. You were really good, Edward."

I might have been mistaken but did the boy… _blush? _A small pink tinge covered his cheeks. He didn't take his eyes off of the guitar as he spoke. "To be quite honest, I was thinking of not performing at all tonight. When I saw you, I… I was worried that you wouldn't like my music or whatever…"

"Are you kidding me? Hey, you went through my CD collection. Your songs would blend in beautifully if it were trapped in there somewhere."

"Yeah I know, it's silly… For all I knew, you might've been a fan of Lady Gaga and… Pink. I couldn't help but to worry."

I pursed my lips together, trying to contain another round of giggles.

"Don't."

We sat there as he kept playing the guitar for a while. We didn't speak. Silence spoke for us.

"I used to sing, a little, in high school. That and a few chords on the guitar. The extent of my musical ability."

He smiled, looking up at me. His fingers stopped strumming and I could almost hear the gears in his head clicking into place.

"No. No way. I've never even told anyone that before."

His eyebrows wiggled at me, lips tucked to avoid smiling. Again, unsuccessfully.

"Come on, Bella. One song."

I gulped as his eyes twinkled. Like we were stuck in some awkward Japanese cartoon. Saying no was obviously inevitable at this point.

"Fine. One song and you'll tell me something about you."

He got up from the couch so quickly, my hazed mind swerved. I looked down to see the old guitar in my lap and Edward was already carrying his own back to the couch.

I picked up the guitar, the instrument feeling strange in my hands, but correct all the same.

"What song?"

"The chords I was playing, I was writing something. Do you have pen and paper lying around somewhere? I need to jot it down before I forget."

Well of course, only Edward could look so nonchalant when he was actually writing a song. I reached over and grabbed a pen and a stray piece of paper I tore out my notebook this morning, passing it over to Edward.

"There's something written on here…" he looked doubtful when he looked it over.

"The back's a clean page," I cleared my throat. "I wrote that a few nights ago when I couldn't sleep. It's a mess, don't read it."

He turned to look at me as if I was insane.

"Bella, this isn't a mess… We can use this."

I raised my eyebrows at him in doubt.

"No seriously. We'll turn these into the lyrics… This is amazing."

My mouth hung open, I had no words. I chewed on my bottom lip before I agreed.

_What? He did the twinkly eyes thing again!_

"Edward, I scrapped it for a reason… Nobody's really read anything I've ever written and anyways, it's not all that great."

"No?" I shook my head, trying my best to convince him.

"Well, if this isn't your greatest work, it already has me amazed. I could never write something as poetic as this, Bella." He was already excited. He barely looked at me when he spoke; too busy writing down the chords in between the words I scribbled down.

"I'm not going to sing the whole thing, okay? Just the one section." I pointed at a stanza on the page. That's the extent of my deal."

"But Bella…"

"I wrote the poem from a dude's point of view, except for that one part. It'll be completely awkward for me to rant on about a chick."

He agreed with a silent nod.

I sat back while he scribbled down chord letters above specific lines. He turned at me when he was done with the first stanza.

"Can you play these chords?"

"Yeah… I'm not _that _bad."

He smiled at me. "I never said you were."

He tapped on the body of his guitar, signaling a start beat.

We played the three opening chords, I couldn't wipe the near permanent smile on my face. And then he sang.

_He woke up from dreaming and put on his shoes._

My breath caught in my throat as I tried to focus on the chords.

_Started making his way past 2 in the morning_

I squinted for a moment, trying to figure out the next chord from his small scribble.

_He hasn't been sober for days_.

"Perfect."

I stuck my tongue in the inside of my cheek, making a part of it swell up like a bee sting. When Edward looked up at me, I crossed my eyes, making him laugh at my ridiculous antics. I was being insane, obviously. I was slowly sobering up but my incessant smiling didn't stop.

He spent a few more minutes writing down the chords to the next few stanzas as I sat back and let my fingers trail over the fret boards, not strumming. The steel strings would squeak lightly as I moved my fingers and for a moment, the sounds of pencil over paper and string squeaks were the only noise in the apartment.

Edward looked up at me when he was done penciling in the chords. We played for a bit, the rest of the song. I sang a few small lines an octave higher to accompany him. Time flew by as he taught me several new chords; laughter ensued when it took me a while to learn a chord. Before I realized it, it was my turn.

My turn…

I played the chords a few times over, trying to pick a melody that fits. Edward didn't push me; he simply sat back and waited for my nod.

I reluctantly nodded at him a few moments later, signaling that I was ready to sing it. I memorized the small melody line in my mind. I pushed the guitar away and Edward immediately understood that he was playing the chords of this part alone. I wasn't going to manage playing and singing at the same time.

He waited for me to sing the first word and then joined in with the chords. I kept my eyes closed as I sang, Edward taking cues from me to change chords.

_I'm not coming back_

_I've done something so terrible_

_I'm terrified to speak_

_But you'd expect that from me_

I took a breath as I continued.

_I messed up_

_I'll be blunt now the rain is just_

_Washing you out of my hair_

I opened my eyes at this point, feeling confident, the highest notes were to be hit and I sucked a quick breath into my stomach.

_And out of my mind_

_Keeping an eye on the world_

I looked at Edward as he looked at me. Our eyes didn't part gazes. He held mine as I held his.

_So many thousands of feet off the ground_

_I'm over you now; I'm at home in the clouds_

_And towering over your head._

I exhaled as I finished, closing my eyes again, waiting for Edward's words.

His words didn't break the silence. His applause did. I opened an eye first, my nose scrunching up in distaste. I saw him clapping and yelling and cheering, mimicking the noise from a crowd.

"Alright, hold the applause. Keep your end of the deal, Cullen."

He looked at me in disagreement. "Can't we finish writing the rest of the song first? There's still a few lines left…"

I shook my head, "nuh-uh. There's no shoving your way out of this. We'll finish writing the song later."

"Do you promise?" He held out his pinky, expression completely serious. I would've laughed but that might upset him. _Sober? Yes_. I linked my pinky through his but giggled anyway. He joined me, chuckling as he let go of my pinky.

I placed the guitar on the carpet at the foot of the coffee table and Edward placed his next to mine. The curved body of the guitars fit perfectly next to each other, creating a yinyang type shape. Tit for tat.

"So, what do you want to know?"

"Hey, I asked you once already. Biggest, baddest secrets, Edward."

He cringed. "You didn't forget."

"Heck no," I leaned back into the cushion of the couch, legs crossed under me. Edward in turn decided to hoist up both his legs on the couch, stretching them over so that his socks covered feet met both my shins.

Tit for tat.

He took a while before answering, "I can't, Bella. Not yet."

I nodded. I understood. The air was still full of electricity but it hung heavily around us.

"Any less difficult questions, Bella?" He chuckled as the words left his lips.

I smiled, the heavy air was cleared around us and again, only electricity was left, lingering on my skin.

"Of course. Um, your tattoos? Show me."

He smiled, "that's more like it."

He turned over his right arm, showing me a cursive tattoo on his wrist. But before I got the chance to look, he turned his arm, turning away the tattoo from my view.

"Wait, before I explain… How'd you know I have more than one?"

I cringed before continuing, "a question for another day."

"Nice segue." He laughed.

"I know. Now stop distracting me." My expression accusing as he doubled over in laughter. He took a moment to regain focus and started explaining, turning over his arm again. He shifted in his seat, turning his wrist around for me to read. The tattoo spread all over the inside of his arm.

_Nothing is worth more than this day._

"My college roommate committed suicide. I got this on his birthday that same year."

I nodded, "It's pretty."

He laughed at me. I looked at him, questioning. "What?"

"Bella, I show you a tattoo and you ay '_it's pretty_'? Does something to a man's ego, that's for sure."

I joined in with him in laughter. "Well, what did you expect?"

I struggled for breath as we doubled over again, reeling in laughs. When one of us would pause to take a breath, the other would giggle uncontrollably, triggering another set of laughs.

We finally regained composure; my stomach was in pain and a few stray tears formed at the corners of my eyes.

We sat back on my couch, trying to catch our breaths.

"Bella, it's nearly 4 in the morning."

"Holy crap." He was right. The clock in my kitchen never lied.

Exhaling, Edward got up. "I should go…"

I wanted to do what people in movies did. Tell the guy to stay over at her place because she didn't feel comfortable with him driving at night. But then again, he lived upstairs.

I nodded, reluctant.

"You promised we would finish that song, Bella."

I smiled, "that I did."

I sat in my spot on the couch as I watched him pack his black guitar back into its case. When he was done, he looked back at me and I stood up from the couch.

The door was partially open, his hand resting on the handle at the other side.

"Goodnight, Edward."

"Sweet dreams, Bella." I stayed in my doorway as Edward fiddled awkwardly, waiting for the elevator. When it dinged, he gave me a slight wave and I waved back, a near permanent smile etched on my face. When the metal doors closed, so did mine. I had my back against the door, staring at the wall in front of me. I was grinning so badly, it hurt.

This was the most fun I'd had in a long time, and a part of myself was thoroughly scared. A smaller part of me told the larger part of me to shut up, and enjoy life. What Ben and I had might not be real to him but for the most part, it was real for me. And yet, I was so much more myself with Edward than I could possibly be to Ben. What Edward and I have, I valued so much more already than what I share with Ben. I knew for a fact that what Ben and I had wasn't mutual but with Edward…

_Scary territory, Bella. Back off._

I pushed the thoughts far deep into my brain and ignored it for now. I probably shouldn't have but I did. And boy, did it feel great. I then proceeded to push my back off from the door and crawled into my bed. The sheets felt cold but soft on my skin and I sighed in contentment as I sank deeper into it, eventually falling asleep.

_Nothing is worth more than this day._

**AN: **This is my longest chapter, yay! I hope you like the abundance of E/B togetherness in this chapter..

The plan was to switch to EPOV somewhere in there, but Bella got wordy and he never got the chance. A round of thank you's to everyone who's read and lurked, read and reviewed, read and added… If you do lurk, please make your presence known. A fic recommendation somewhere here and there (cough lionlamb cough) would be nice

RosAlice22, you're my motivation and most certainly, friendliest reader. Let's hope we can msn chat again soon!

I'm back from my exam hiatus, and I'm back for good. I'll be writing all summer! yay me.

So please review, it'll help me get the next chapter to you faster. I don't mind if you're an anonymous reviewer, just leave me an e-mail address to reply to. Let me know what you thought of the chapter, and the little parts I put in there

Reviews are better than co-writing songs with Edward. Leave one!

**Next posting**: sometime in the next 2 weeks, I promise.


	8. Early Mornings And High Heels

CHAPTER 8 – Early Mornings And High Heels.

Disclaimer: I still own nothing. But I can't stop snacking on my Cheese Curls Planters snacks omnomnom.

AN at the bottom, you know the drill. Enjoy!

**BPOV**

My peaceful slumber was interrupted by a loud knock on the door. Disoriented, I looked around my dark bedroom and my eyes found the alarm clock I had on my nightstand. 07:25 AM.

I muttered a string of curse words as I rolled out of bed and trudged my way out my room. I had an idea of who it could be, Alice. She probably came prepared for my tongue lashing though.

I stumbled clumsily to the front door, knocking my shin on my coffee table and floor lamp. Finally, I made it to the door and unlocked the deadbolt, keeping the chain lock on and opened the door only as widely as the chain allowed.

"Hi, Bella! Wow, your hair's a disaster."

Alice. Of course it was Alice.

I said nothing as I slammed the door shut to unlock the chain with fervor, but I probably freaked her out. When I took the chain out halfway, Alice was already yelling at me not to get back to bed, and she brought coffee.

I immediately unlatched the chain and took the warm foam cups from her hands, taking a sip as soon as my lips touched the cup.

"For the love of all that is holy, I love you Alice," I moaned as I let the warm liquid swirl all over my tongue and down my throat.

Alice made herself comfortable in my apartment, a knowing smile on her face. She looked awake and chipper, contrasting my current condition. I just stood by the door, watching her look around my apartment.

"You've been playing?" She gestured to the guitar lying at the foot of the couch.

Memories of last night washed over me. "Uh, yeah." Answering as vaguely as possible, I tried my best to keep my voice calm and nonchalant.

I never got the chance to sit down before I heard another round of knocking at my door. Alice and I threw a confused look at each other. I'd ran out of guesses. I ran a hand through my hair and pulled down my top to look somewhat decent and opened the door only to fit my shoulders, away from Alice's eyes.

"You might want to take a peek before you open your door, Bella. There might be a craaaazy psychopath standing where I am."

Edward.

My mouth hung open but I couldn't form any words.

Alice was going to see him and launch an inquisition on me. My luck was crap.

"I'm surprised you're awake already…" The petrified look on my face probably freaked him out. He looked baffled for a moment and lifted the foam cups in his hand, gesturing at them persuasively. "I have coffee."

My throat felt dry and raspy. Circumstances stink. Alice was going to endlessly bombard me with questions. "Um, thank you?" I cringed, holding the door tighter to my shoulder.

"Edward -"

"Oh my gosh, EDWARD. What are you doing here? You know Bella? She's my best friend, obviously—"

Alice shoved me aside to hug Edward and I was still left baffled and confused, gaping like a fish. Edward braced for impact as Alice ran at him for a hug. He lazily smiled at me, obviously finding my sheer confusion funny.

"You…" I cleared my throat, "you guys know each other?"

They both stared at me like I grew another head. Alice raised her eyebrows at me and gestured at Edward and I, making me explain first.

"Neighbors." I cleared my throat uncomfortably.

Her eyes widened in realization. She grinned at me again.

"Silly Bella. We're siblings… You know, Cullens…" Before the thought even registered in my head, Alice was already shoving me out of the way, yet again, coming back inside my apartment, a skip in her steps.

I turned around to look at Edward. "Thanks for the warning, _Cullen_."

He smirked at me. "I had no idea, I swear."

I sighed. _What? He did the twinkly-eyed thing again! _

"Fair enough, hand me the coffee and we'll call it even."

I stared down at the two steamy coffee cups that sat before me on my kitchen counter. I tried to make sense of it all, watching the steam swirl up, up and away from the cups. I tried breathing in and out regularly, struggling to not freak out. I couldn't even manage to put two and two together. _Damn Cullens…_

Their chatter and laughter echoed in my small excuse of a home and I knew I probably should have gone in and joined them. I wrung my hands and took another deep breath.

I walked back into my living room when I was done trying to regulate my breathing. Alice saw me first, acknowledging my presence with a loud yell._ There goes my stealth plan. _

I sat down on the couch, distancing myself from Edward. Alice sat in my recliner, leant back, face contemplative. I sat with my elbows on the couch, hands clasped together.

She pointed a finger at us suggestively. "So you guys know each other…" I nodded, and I could see from my peripheral that Edward did too.

"Hm, interesting."

I opened my mouth to speak but Edward spoke before I got a chance to, and I was glad. "You sound like a therapist, Alice."

Her mouth turned into a grin and I was relieved. "I can't believe I didn't see this coming…" Her head shook in confusion and I had to chuckle at her tendencies.

"You never told me why you decided to knock my door at the crack or dawn and wake me from my slumber, Alice."

Her eyes widened and she smiled again. "Oh, Bella. It was hardly the crack of dawn. Anyways, I thought I should take you on a shopping trip—"

"You woke me up at an ungodly hour to take me shopping? Alice—"

"I know… I know. Obviously you guys have plans…" She looked at the obvious distance we'd between us on the couch. "I'll take you tomorrow, okay?" She stood up before I could protest.

"You two have fun!"

The door slammed behind her. We were alone again.

I lifted both my feet, stretching them on the empty space we had between us, obliterating it completely. "So… What do we do?"

**EPOV**

This was so awkward and wrong on so many levels. I probably should've listened when Alice spoke about her friends. I couldn't help but automatically ignore her when she brought up the topic of her lady friends, conversations with her about that certain topic never ended well. She always tried so hard to set me up with one of them, I kept denying. She never succeeded but it didn't stop her from trying time and time again. If I'd listened, I probably would've met Bella sooner. But then again, I also probably had to go through a few… non-preferred chicks before she set me up with Bella.

"Let's finish that song." I clasped my hands together and turned to her.

She nodded at me, "give me a minute to change."

I nodded at her but she didn't see it, she was already walking away from the couch and into her bedroom. I leaned back into the couch and clasped my own coffee in between my hands. Her apartment was exactly the way it was when I left it last night. Wait no, was that this morning?

The guitar was still at the foot of the coffee table and I smiled again at the thoughts of last night. The paper sat crinkled on the table, it was _the _paper. I'd written a lot of music, but I always wrote alone and I was proud of it. But this… I can't even describe how exhilarating the entire process was. I genuinely doubted that writing with anyone but her would be unpleasant.

She was different.

I was getting in too deep and I knew it. I was risking everything I knew.

I was just hoping it would be worth it.

**BPOV**

I dressed quickly, comfortably. I got out of my sweater and shorts and dressed into a simple top. I quickly brushed my teeth while I slipped on my jeans, hastily putting them on.

I liked this.

I missed the simplicity of being able to dress in whatever I felt like. For a while now I'd been dressing as Ben Hollis' girlfriend and I missed dressing as myself. I stared at my makeup stash as I ran a brush through my hair, foregoing my hair products and curling iron.

_Ben Hollis' girlfriend would not walk out without make-up._

I was Bella today. I looked away from the stash and looked at my reflection instead. My hair was tousled but not tangled, my face clean. Despite sleeping in late, I looked fresh. Awake. Healthy.

I missed this.

I walked back out into my living space, a smile on my face. I grabbed my bag and my laptop off my kitchen counter. I slipped my phone in my jeans pocket and grabbed my coat from the kitchen stool.

I turned around to see Edward, guitar and coffee in hand. I walked over to the small cabinet behind the door and held my hand to the wall while I slipped on my shoes.

"You ready?"

I nodded once and we stepped out to my hallway and into the elevator.

The weather was nice that day. It was as if the clouds took an off day. The sun's yellow light peered through the top of the buildings and we were encased in a warm glow. The remnants of snow had started to melt away, the crisp, cold, white that usually rimmed the sidewalk was gone. The sun glinted on the slick pavement as we walked. Today was different.

But it was still the same.

The photographers were walking backwards on the sidewalk, their eyes glued to the hole at the top of their cameras, fingers clicking away. I had my sunglasses on, Edward too.

I guess he came prepared this time around.

I smiled at them, head turned down. It was a short walk to the coffee shop and I was glad. Edward opened the door for me and once inside, I felt comfortable.

**EPOV**

The photographers left once we were inside the coffee shop. I sat in a corner booth and stared at the light pole I leaned on that cold day.

Damn pole.

I remembered how the world looked so different back then. Like Bella was too good for me and how I could never come close to being a friend of hers.

Now I sat in the warm booth, her body so close to mine, it hurt.

I wanted to swoop her in my arms and kiss her reckless.

But this was reality and as much as it was different from that light pole, it was still the same. I was still on the outside looking in.

No matter how close I was to her, it would never be enough. She loved Ben. I was just the friend. I took whatever I could get. And this was it, for now, it would be enough.

**BPOV**

I sat my lukewarm coffee down on the table while I zipped down and peeled off my grey hoodie. I had a white top inside and the coffee shop was warm. I sat down and placed my laptop in front of me, booting it up quickly.

Edward was pulling out his guitar; he pushed back his chair from the table so that he could balance the guitar on his knee.

I looked back to my computer, accessing the Internet from the coffee shop; I loaded my Internet browser and typed in several up-to-date gossip sites with ease. I'd gotten use to the sites, their addresses memorized.

"What are you doing?"

I peered from the top of my laptop and looked back down, clicking a few links. I could see Edward from my peripheral, his eyes still questioning. Once the pages had loaded, I turned the laptop around, the screen facing him.

"You're on the internet. Congratulations."

He looked back at me, eyebrows raised.

"Um, sorry?" I offered. I didn't know what to say. His expression then changed, a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"They called me 'male friend'…" The tone of his voice a mock-offense.

I stuck my tongue to the inside of my cheek, holding back a laugh.

"Not fitting enough, Edward?"

"Most definitely not."

I couldn't hold back my smile anymore and we tumbled into laughter.

I browsed some more, sipping my coffee slowly. It was comfortable. I closed my laptop once I was done and looked at Edward. He was flattening out my notebook paper on the desk; guitar leaned down the side of our table.

"Do you want to get started?"

I looked into his green eyes and nodded, another smile already creeping up my lips.

I nodded, all other thoughts pushed to the back of my mind.

"Yeah."

The day passed quickly. We sat in our booth, laughter and chatter echoing in the near empty spot we were in. It was all very much effortless. Easy. Simple. Natural.

I couldn't remember the last time I'd laughed this much. We spent an hour finishing up the song and once we were done, neither of us made the move to leave.

So there we were.

We ordered and shared several different types of cakes and bagels throughout the day, a substitute for lunch and dinner. I didn't order more coffee; I needed to be able to sleep.

Our server was a small lady with dreads in her hair, and every time we raised our hands to order, she rolled her eyes and smacked her lips before she made her way to our table. We always ended up stifling our laughter with the back of our hands, struggling to stay polite and keep our voices down.

Sometime past noon, Edward packed up his guitar and I shut down my laptop. Neither of us made the first move to leave, so we didn't. We talked. We stayed clear of personal topics and that worked great. We bantered some more about music and books, but it was all in good fun.

Fun.

Sometime past midnight, I pulled out my cell. This was it. I never thought that this moment would ever come. I never thought that I'd be able to do this. My mind was made up now and I wasn't going to back out of it. I pulled up a new text message window and typed in Ben's number.

_I won't be there tonight.  
-B_

I hit send and the message was delivered. Just like that.

Edward noticed my change in mood but I covered it up quickly, telling him that it was alright. I hated lying to him but today was an exception.

I had to make exceptions. _Right?_

The rest of the night passed by in a blur… A blur of laughter and conversation and chatter.

It was like that scene in a movie where the entire world swerved and time kept going, but we were in a bubble. I was aware of the world but I chose to not care.

I knew exactly what was going on but I ignored the fact.

Ignorance is bliss.

**EPOV**

The walk home was surprisingly quiet. The photographers were gone and the streets were empty. I turned around to see a smiling Bella and I couldn't help but smile as well.

I readjusted my grip on my guitar case, my fingers were starting to ache. "Where's the posse, Bella?"

She chuckled.

"I don't know… They probably think I'm over at Ben's or something. They'll be back around here somewhere near two, I presume."

I nodded, turning over her words in my head. "you're not staying at Ben's tonight?"

She shook her head and looked straight ahead at the empty street. "No."

I nodded but I didn't push it. As much as my curiosity wanted to know, I didn't want to scare her off. She didn't owe me anything and I had no right to ask her.

We walked the rest of the way in silence, letting the soft patter of our shoes fill the air around us.

We greeted Charlie on our way in. He looked surprise at our arrival.

"No crowd tonight, Bella?"

She smiled. "Not tonight Charlie."

As soon as Bella turned around, Charlie winked exaggeratedly at me, gesturing at Bella. I frantically shook my head and Charlie ignored the gesture completely, going back to his newspaper.

I walked towards the elevator but Bella paused in her steps, her hand on my shoulder. She muttered as she leaned down and slipped off her shoes. She looked back up and caught me staring.

"What?"

I shrugged when her hand left my shoulder. We were walking again. "Why wear shoes you don't find comfortable?"

Bella chuckled and pondered for a second. Our walk to the elevator was slow and I was glad. She spoke after I pressed the call button.

"You wouldn't understand, Edward."

"What? Is that a girl thing?" I tried to lift the mood but Bella didn't smile.

I crossed my arms in front of me. "Try me."

Her shoes were hooked over her two fingers. She bit on her bottom lip nervously before she spoke.

"When I'm out, I can't just be Bella. I have to be… Ben Hollis' girlfriend. It's what the world sees." She shrugged. "I can't walk out in whatever I please. I have to look presentable. Always calm, always composed, always put together. As different as it was today," she gestured at me, "it was still the same."

The elevator dinged and the doors opened. Once inside, she leaned against the walls as the elevator traveled up. We didn't make eye contact.

It was late at night and we were both tired, so the silence was welcome. The elevator dinged again and the door opened for Bella. I stuck my hand to the door, keeping it open.

Bella turned to look at me, mouth open, and ready to say goodnight but I beat her to it.

"You..." I cleared my throat. "You wouldn't have to be anybody but Bella when you're with me."

Her mouth closed again in shock and my brain protested. The words I said were involuntary and I couldn't take them back.

Her lips closed and she looked at me for another beat then nodded curtly before her bare feet pattered onto the carpet. She didn't turn back around to look at me. I didn't blame her. I screwed up.

The silence in the hallways and elevator were deafening. I lifted my hand off the doors and they closed in front of me.

I leaned back against the cold walls, my head looking up and I stared at the ceiling. "Goodnight."

**AN: **

Hey you made it to the bottom! Congratulations, you survived.

As usual: RosAlice22, I heart you darling. That is all.

Although it doesn't look like it, this chapter is the longest one yet, word-count wise. I kept my promise! 2-week updates… Yeah, expect the next one soon.

Don't throw rocks at me for the ending, the next chapter will add up the suspense like this chapter, but I promise you, things will pick up soon enough.

I miss getting a lot of reviews, pleaaase leave me one! **The next chapter will be up in 2 weeks**. AND, if you review, I will send out teasers to you by next week.

Leave a review, let me know what you thought of the chapter. You get a teaser for posting a few words, good offer? Yes.

Which part was your favorite? Let me know!


	9. Holding On to Cold Air

**CHAPTER 9 – Holding On to Cold Air.**

Rating moved to M for cursing in the previous chapter and sex themes in this chapter. Nothing hardcore or graphic, I just thought the rating change had to happen.

Lemonade warning. It's not too graphic, but it's there. Consider yourselves warned.

AN at the bottom, enjoy!

oOo

**BPOV**

Just like everything else, this was planned. Meticulously.

I knew this day was coming and that was why I was here. I looked at my reflection in the mirror and the look on my face said more than I could voice.

This was just every other day in the life of Bella Dwyer.

My face looked tired again. I missed the face I saw looking back at me just a day ago. Fresh, clean and healthy.

I didn't like the way I looked today.

I bit at the inside of my cheek and refused to break down. I inhaled a deep breath and when I exhaled, my feelings rose up in my throat and a lump formed in there, stopping me from exhaling smoothly.

But I didn't complain. This was my life.

I applied my make up the way I always did and curled my hair at the ends, letting them cascade down my back in soft waves.

I ignored everything. The top I had on rubbed uncomfortably against my collarbone, the jeans I was wearing felt too tight around my legs, the shoes I wore made my toes ache and the jacket I slipped on weren't warm enough.

To say that I was uncomfortable was an understatement.

In that moment, I was sure that I would've done anything I could to go back and re-live the day before. But I couldn't and I knew that.

I looked at myself in the mirror once more before I left and spoke aloud at my reflection. "You're Ben Hollis' girlfriend." I nodded at my reflection and plastered a smile on my face.

I clicked off the lights behind me as I walked out my small apartment and into the elevator.

_Just every other day._

_oOo_

The restaurant was cramped. Filled to the brim with people. We sat in a table adjacent to the window. We were visible from the outside and people on the inside had a clear view of our table as well.

Just like everything else, this was planned.

Ben was going off about a script he'd read. I nodded and pretended to be listening. I knew what he was talking about; I just didn't care enough to listen.

"Bella… This movie is going to be_ it_ for me. I can just feel it."

I nodded.

"I'm going to play this young handsome guy," he paused to gesture at his face. "Who is a genius," he tapped a finger at his temple, "and is full of charm." He gestured at himself. "It's the _perfect_ role."

I nodded. "That sounds great, Ben."

I had to do this, feign attention. I tapped my fingernails on the table as he continued speaking.

Our order came was served quickly and Ben was full of appetite. He twirled his fork at his pasta and swallowed it down with gusto. I smiled at his behavior and chomped down on my own bowl of salad.

"Bella?"

I stopped prodding the green vegetables with my fork.

"Hm?" I looked up at him, confused.

He looked genuinely concerned. "Are you okay?"

_No. No, I'm not._

"Yeah, I'm fine." I lied, the words rolling off my tongue smoothly.

His brows were still furrowed together. "Are you sure? Did I say something…"

I was honest this time. It wasn't his fault.

"No, of course not."

His fork hung suspended mid air, his pasta forgotten.

"Bella, you can tell me anything."

I sighed and dropped my own fork. I clasped my two hands together in my lap as my elbows left the table. I shook my head, looking at him.

"No, I can't, Ben."

His lips turned up into a smile, "yeah, that's true."

His smile was contagious and I found myself plastering yet another smile on my face.

"Eat your pasta."

I picked up my fork again and the subject was dropped.

oOo

Ben's seemingly natural blonde hair glinted in the sunlight. My hand was nestled in the crook of his right elbow as we walked. It felt almost natural to me and I wasn't surprised. We'd spent a lot of time together as… whatever it is we were and with that came a weird type of… friendship?

Could I even call it that? I didn't know anymore. It started out as something innocent, professional… But of course, I guess I just wasn't immune to his _charm_. Before long, I served the role as his girlfriend… physically.

As hard as it was to admit, it was nice. My move to Seattle wasn't the easiest thing, considering my occupation and I was lucky that the agency kept me working. I got a month off to settle in my new home and then I went back to work.

I didn't know anybody here in Seattle and I felt completely alone.

Ben Hollis was my project. My client.

I ran a few ideas by him and by my boss, Jessica Stanley. I could remember so clearly, how she asked me to take on the role.

"_You're perfect for this, Isabella. You have a clean record and nothing comes up when we research you. Besides, the economy is shit. We cannot afford hiring a girl for this. Do it, Isabella. Do it well."_

2 months later, here I was. For the most part, my work was done. Ben had started getting new scripts and soon enough, he'd have to go back to LA and film.

We hadn't exactly discussed that topic yet.

But I was planning to. Tonight.

oOo

The photographers left us when we got into his house. I spoke as I took off my shoes.

"You have a couple of phone interviews set up for later today. And then you're free."

Ben nodded as he shrugged out of his jacket.

"Are you staying tonight?"

My mind flashed back to Edward.

"I don't know yet, Ben."

He walked over to me, a playful pout in his lips.

"I wish you'd stay." His arms wrapped around my waist.

I felt nothing.

I lifted up both my arms and placed them on his shoulders, my fingers intertwined.

"Did you open the windows again?"

He nodded. "Yeah."

I pulled away from his arms. I sat down on his kitchen counter, away from the open windows. He came over and sat his elbows on the counter, standing across where I was.

I cleared my throat nervously. There was no more pushing away this topic.

"What happens when you go to LA? I can't go there with you, Ben. You know that."

"Why not?"

I let out an uncomfortable cough as I tried to force down the lump in my throat.

"I can't just leave, Ben." I shook my head, adamant.

His face was twisted. "Well why not? You're not leaving anything behind here, Bella. Just go with me…"

I scoffed in near disgust at his words. "Not leaving anything behind? Ben, my life is _here_ now. You're not the only thing keeping me here. I have a life. You can't make me leave that."

My statement wasn't a complete lie, but it wasn't the complete truth either. A part of me didn't want to go. Another part of me wanted to leave everything and live _this _life.

The air was cold and we were overcome with silence. The only sound in the room was from a ticking clock on the kitchen wall.

"I'm sorry, Bella… I just thought that because you just moved here… Baby-"

I shook my head and lifted it to look at him "Don't, Ben. Just don't, okay?"

He stood up straight, arms crossed.

"Well, why not?"

"Because…" my voice softened. "I don't know…"

"Don't know what, Bella?" His expression was cold and serious.

I dropped my head into my hands. "I don't know _this_. This... What are we doing, Ben?"

We stayed there in the silence for a moment before he walked over and plopped down on the stool next to mine.

I couldn't see him as he spoke. "I don't know, Bella. I just… I'm going with it, okay? To be honest, I don't want to know."

I lifted my head from my hands, my stomach knotting at the irony.

Thoughts of Edward kept popping up in my mind and I silently berated myself for thinking about him when we were nothing but friends.

_Nothing but friends._

He pushed again, trying to gouge a reply out of me. "Do you, Bella? Do you want to know?"

_Nothing but friends._

_Nothing but friends._

_Nothing but friends._

I took a deep breath and kept the lungful of air in me. I shook my head, my tone certain, contradicting what I felt in my gut completely.

I turned to look at him.

"No, Ben. I don't want to know."

He nodded and then proceeded to turn around, his knees touching my upper thighs as we sat in the stools. He wrapped his right arm around my waist and leaned in to my ear, his lips brushing the skin there softly.

He whispered. "Good. I like not knowing."

Maybe I should've shuddered at the proximity, feeling him so close to me. Maybe I should've felt sparks tingle across my skin as his warm breath grazed it. Maybe I should've felt… something. Anything at all.

I felt nothing.

oOo

I could hear his laughter pour out of the living room and into the kitchen where I sat. He was doing the phone interviews while I sat on one of his white couches, reading.

_Who buys white couches anyways? They stain easily. Sitting on these with your jeans on stains them! They make no sense…_

I laughed quietly at my inner monologue.

Time passed by quickly. It was a little after 5 when he joined me on the couch. I previously stretched my feet over the entire length of the couch and Ben lifted my feet at the ankles as he sat down and placed my feet on his lap.

I corner folded the page I was reading and closed the book, tossing it to the foot of the couch.

"What do you want to do?"

_I wanted to feel. _

I didn't reply. Instead, I lifted up my head, moving towards him. When I got close enough, I gripped at his neck and pulled his torso down with me on the couch.

_On the stupid, white couch._

The hem of his white shirt was soft between my fingers. One of his arms was holding him up, the other behind my neck as he lifted my head up to meet his lips. I lifted up the hem of his shirt as he did mine. We were skin on skin now. He wrapped me up in his arms and I felt nothing but weighed down.

Suffocated.

He placed kisses on my neck and my head involuntarily fell to the side. His hair grazed the skin of my jaw and I put my hand over his as he touched me, because I _wanted_ this.

I wanted him to touch me.

I wanted that intangible thing. The one that could make my heart swell and fly. I wanted my skin to tremble. I wanted my skin to tingle and tremble beneath his touch.

It's missing.

But I wanted to find it. And so I searched.

I wanted my lungs to burn as I breathed in air, to no longer feel so numb.

Anything. Anything at all.

Somewhere between our flurry of touches, he maneuvered us and we moved to the bedroom. He lifted my neck again, and then his lips were on my own. They're soft and familiar.

I still didn't find it. I couldn't.

My skin didn't tingle and tremble.

He stopped kissing me and lifted my shirt over my head, his tongue brushed mine softly and he moaned.

Suffocated.

Trapped.

His fingers move up to rub slow circles across my skin. Everywhere. At some point, I must've done something that made him think that I liked this because he didn't stop.

We fell on the bed in nearly no time at all and I watch the dots between the four numbers blink on the bedside clock.

5 blinks.

And then he was on top of me again. He reached down and ran his finger along the soft skin near my center.

I was fading away. And he didn't even notice.

He noticed my warm skin.

He noticed my presence and my weight.

He _didn't_ notice the fact that my eyes were elsewhere.

He _didn't_ notice that my hands laid unmoving beside my body.

I reach up and place my hands on his cheeks. I pulled down his head and caressed the hair on his neck and kissed him.

I was searching again. I was so desperately searching.

Trying to find a sliver of what I yearned for.

A simple spark, anything.

Our mouths fumble together and I kept scouring, rummaging through every single touch he laid on my body.

I looked for a feeling that would overwhelm me when we touched.

I looked for warmth to overcome and wash over me, head to toe, when we were like this.

I couldn't find it.

I tried and I tried. Eventually, I squeezed my eyes shut and I surrendered.

It wasn't there.

Ben pushed into me and my mind was empty.

Nothing.

I wanted to get lost in the feel of his mouth on my skin.

But I laid back that night and grasped at the pillow above my head and I listened to the clapping of our skin. I kept staring at the blinks from the clock. I counted the number of times the headboard hit the wall as he pushed into me, harder and even harder still.

40.

41.

42.

There were forty-three thuds before his back arched and his eyes squeezed shut. He didn't see me look away from him and back at the blinking digits of the clock as I waited for him to finish.

I grip his shoulders, not because I felt what he felt above me. I just wanted to feel the warm skin beneath my fingers. To prove to myself that this was all real. That in reality, that feeling I looked for was not there.

I wanted it, _so_ badly.

He was here. Right _here_. On top of me, and all around me… And I couldn't feel him.

Nothing.

His breathing was hard and his chest was heaving and he leaned down to press a soft kiss on my lips.

_Nothing._

I strained to move my own lips against his.

He looked at me once more, flashing a smile my way and I struggled to do the same.

The smile was weak and I almost didn't feel it pull at the muscles on my face.

But he took it.

He rolled away from above me and laid down on the sheets.

We were skin to skin, still.

There was nothing.

He bent down and grasped at the sheets, pulling them up to cover us both. The fabric was cold as it sheathed my heated flesh.

He was asleep in a matter of minutes. I rolled over and got up quickly. I was going to cry and I didn't want him to think that he caused this.

He didn't cause this. It was me.

Me.

I closed the bathroom door behind me and turned the faucet on, letting the sounds of the water in the sink be the only thing that occupied my mind. The tears were in my eyes but they didn't fall. I sighed, the breath pouring out of my lips in a shaky, ragged breath.

"Edward."

His name felt strange on my lips. Like they didn't belong there at all. I did not deserve him, and I knew that for sure now more so than ever.

I didn't deserve his attention, his friendship. It hurt me knowing that I was lying to him. But I couldn't tell him. I couldn't tell anyone.

My own, dirty little secret.

I turned the faucet back off, and silence overwhelmed me again. I closed the bathroom door behind me and slipped back into my clothes as I scoured for them in the dark. I tied my hair up in a ponytail and walked back out into the kitchen.

I'd been grabbing and grasping and holding on to cold air. I'd convinced myself that perhaps there was something holding us together. Something more than our limbs and muscles and words.

I couldn't feel _him_.

My mind flashed again to the feeling I felt when Edward's forefinger touched the skin of the palm of my hand.

I felt _that_.

His single touch set the skin of my entire arm ablaze, sending ripples of trembles and quakes inside me. So completely different than the way Ben's touches made me feel.

With Edward, my throat and lungs burned when I breathed in air, full of electricity and sparks and magic.

I squeezed my eyes shut and dropped my head to the cold counter top.

The silence was so loud, it consumed me.

oOo

**EPOV**

I was in my sweatpants and shirt, sitting on my couch. I didn't find it possible to lean in though. My body was rigid and stiff.

My back ached from sitting up so straight but I couldn't help it.

It was nearly three in the morning and Bella wasn't home.

_Was she spending the night at Ben's?_

Not that it was any of my business to care.

_Did she get hurt?_

I winced and berated myself for that one.

My thinking did not quell the knot that sat in the pit of my stomach.

It was 15 minutes past 2 when I came back downstairs and left my business card with Charlie, making sure to give it to Bella when she got home.

_That's a friendly thing to do, right? Wasn't it?_

He was worried too, his eyes looked more tired than I'd ever seen them. I had to know that she was okay and Charlie nodded, understanding. "I'm sure she's fine, Edward." He tried to muster up a smile but it didn't reach his eyes. I nodded at him and went back up to my apartment, the elevator ride cold and uncomfortable.

I was worried sick. My brain told me that it was nothing, but my gut told me that everything could've been wrong. I looked over at the guitar case I left sitting haphazardly in my hallway. I couldn't even bring myself to pick it up.

I knew that I shouldn't care this much about a girl. A girl who already had someone else to love, no less.

My brain ran down a few scenarios of where she could've been at that exact moment. And I despised each and every one.

She wasn't with me.

I had no rights. I knew she was so much better off with somebody else. But I couldn't let go of the fact that yesterday felt so completely real and unreal at the same time.

I'd never felt so accomplished and happy at making a girl smile than the way I did in those moments we spent yesterday. My mind replayed the weird jokes and insane laughter we both shared yesterday and I involuntarily leaned back into the couch and my back rested in the pillows comfortably.

When I sighed, the walls shook and that was the only sound that filled my little apartment.

Eventually, I got up off the couch and into the shower. I was still worried about her but I needed to get some rest. I slipped under the cold covers of my bed and I was reminded again of how lonely I was.

_I should get a dog._

_oOo_

**BPOV**

I was running, and I knew it.

But I didn't know what I was running from.

Was I just running from the possibility that someone genuinely cared for me? Or was I running from the fact that Edward made me feel more alive than I'd ever felt in my entire existence?

I didn't want to know.

Because _this _was my life.

Ben's hand ran up and down both my shoulders as he stood before me. His mouth came near my ear. "You're not leaving?"

I looked at my computer again for a second as I thought it over.

I had nothing to come home to.

I had someone who wanted me. Someone who wanted me _here_.

Somebody here. Nobody home.

He laid his chin on my shoulder and I knew that I probably should have felt something. My skin should've shuddered and trembled. My breath should've faltered. I didn't. Because _I_ didn't feel him.

I turned around to face him, my voice sure and certain.

"No."

He grabbed my knees and turned me away from the table to face him.

"Good."

I let him lean down and his warm lips touched mine.

Nothing.

But I could get used to this. Right? Maybe I could be happy by just… being. He wanted me and despite not finding the initial sparks I yearned to find, maybe this could be okay.

This might be enough.

I pushed all thoughts of Edward behind me and joined my hands together behind Ben's neck.

"Good."

He held me close to him as he hugged me, I propped my chin up on his right shoulder as a tear slipped out of my eye. It created a small, dark patch on his shirt and I was glad that he didn't feel the dampness it'd created there.

I repeated myself for reassurance. "Good."

oOo

**AN:**

So… Tell me what you thought. I know this is not a Bella/Edward chapter but it had to happen. I can't just make those two fall in love with each other _that _quickly. These two are too broken right now and they need to see that to be able to fix each other. To make up for the suckiness of this chapter, I updated early and the next chapter will be _so_ much better, I swear. And besides, this is the longest chapter yet :)

If I continue to update quickly, will you forgive me for this chapter? Oh, and that was the first lemonade I've ever written in my life. Tell me how it was. I'm so nervous about having you read that. But no worries, the rating bump to M doesn't mean that the next lemons will be super graphic. It will be pretty much along the lines of that one up there, but the future ones will be ExB, I promise!

RosAlice22 – she's my homegirl. My muse. My cheerleader… I want to drag her over here and give her an insane hug. Love you, hon. Thanks so much!

MidnightTrain – I don't know if she reads this fic but her writing is insane inspiration and PLUS we love Jensen Ackles and Supernatural and music that nobody else seems to like. Y/y? Yesh.

Fapfapzebra – my last minute beta. She accepts payment in breadcrumbs so I hired her. Lol thank you, irl best friend. (I'm afraid she won't look at me the same way again after that lemonade… Ehehehe)

To all my reviewers, especially those who have stuck with this story since chapter one...Thank you so much! To everyone who's added on your alerts, favorites, I love you guys. Oh and dear anon "hola", leave me an e-mail address next time so I can send you a teaser

As always, I'll try to get the next one to you in less than 2 weeks, but no promises. Leave me a review, because it's better than heartfail.

- Michelle.


	10. As You Like It

**CHAPTER TEN – As You Like It.**

Sorry for the delay! AN at the bottom, enjoy!

**oOo**

**BPOV**

I got home sometime past 7 in the morning, clad in yesterday's clothes. I didn't see Charlie on my way in; I assumed that he was done with last night's shift. I realized then that I probably worried him for not coming home last night. The elevator arrives to come get me and I step inside.

I didn't manage to get a sufficient amount of sleep last night. My mind shut down soon after Ben fell asleep, worn down with exhaustion, tired of my thoughts. I guess I didn't want to think anymore. I went through dawn with my mind muted, my thoughts empty.

I leaned against the wall and my gaze fell upon a bright yellow sticky note, stuck on the elevator wall.

My fingers pinched together and I took the note off the wall. The note had a scribble, written down was a short note.

_**Come over the pub tonight. It's open mic night, I want you there.**_

_**-E**_

I must've read the little note 10 times over. The elevator doors opened and in no time at all, I was greeted by my warm, small apartment. I shrugged out of my coat and laid down on the couch, desperate for some sleep.

I looked back at my hand, the yellow sheet of paper still trapped between my fingers. I inhaled deeply, dropping my head back and sinking into the cushion.

_I'd go._

**oOo**

I spent the day baking.

The kitchen was my favorite room in my small apartment. I had large countertops and overhead cabinets filled to the brim with pots and pans and cookbooks. I cooked often but baking was a hobby I indulged in frequently.

I was baking a recipe I was well acquainted with, sugar cookies. My mind flew back to memories of Christmas with my parents. My mom was never big on cooking or baking, so I grew up on take out and instant meals until I was old enough to cook for myself. I cooked dinners nearly every night of my high school life. My mom never acknowledged it at all and my dad never noticed either.

But Charlie noticed.

And for once, I felt accomplished.

Charlie loved my sugar cookies. I'd purchased mint chocolates early in the week to top the cookies. I liked baking for Charlie. For one, I knew that he enjoyed them, so my efforts wouldn't go to waste.

I preheated the oven while I stirred together the dry mix. I took a larger bowl and whisked the egg, vanilla and sugar smoothly, gradually adding in the dry ingredients. When the mix was solid and smooth, I placed teaspoonfuls of the dough onto the cookie sheets.

Unfortunately, these cookies baked quickly and I was again left with nothing but my uninhibited thoughts. I went through the month's worth of groceries that I'd picked up the day before. I found that I had enough to bake some more.

My cookbooks went into good use and I baked a newer recipe I'd been waiting to try out. I ordered these at a restaurant I went to with Ben a few weeks ago and I scoured for a recipe in my collection of books soon after leaving.

I melted butter quickly, adding in sugar afterwards, stirring until the mixture turned into a dark amber color. I poured the caramel down into a cake pan, being careful about the heat. I cut the apples and sliced them down next, placing the slices onto the caramel and popping them in the oven. I worked on the pastry dough next, putting the plastic-wrapped dough into the fridge.

When the apples were done, I carefully removed the baking sheet from the oven and moved it onto another baking tin. I took the tart dough from my fridge next, placing them on top of my cooked apples/ I popped them back into the oven and set a cooking timer.

Satisfied, I cleaned up my kitchen. I worked on the dishes and reshelved my cookbook. I paper bagged Charlie's cookies and left them on my countertop to cool.

I took a quick shower and the clock on my bathroom told me that I was on time. I dressed simply, choosing a white sweater over a sequined top and comfortable boots over heels. I clicked off my oven on my way out but I left the tart inside so that it wouldn't cool. My hands were loaded with my coat and my bag, but I left smiling, nonetheless.

**oOo**

I didn't know what he had planned. I hoped that he was just going to perform and hadn't planned on a serious talk with me. I just wanted to lay low and relax tonight. Music was blasting from the pub. As soon as I stepped in the doors, a waft of beer and cigarette smoke invaded my nose and I found myself smiling at the familiarity.

I looked to the stage and Edward was already there. I could only grin and shake my head, relief washing over me in waves. I strode out quickly, my weakness, my doubts and my fear forgotten. My shoulders relaxed and I leaned into the back wall of the pub, arms crossed over my middle.

My eyes moved back again and landed on Edward. He was sitting on a bar stool, his black guitar perched on her knee. He looked up from the stage nervously, eyes darting across the crowd. His eyes searched frantically and finally his gaze landed on mine and I smiled at him.

_He was looking for me._

A small, rushing tingle ran across my spine. A feeling so precious, so special…

All he did was look at me and my body was rushed into with shudders of electricity, a feeling I so desperately searched and yearned for.

I allowed myself to look back at him. He quickly turned away though, focusing on his song.

His long fingers picked and strummed at the strings, lips pressed against the microphone. He strummed a few random chords and spoke into the microphone, his smooth voice reverberating across the room.

"Hey, everyone." His eyes surveyed the crowd. They crowd quieted down. His gaze froze when he landed on mine and his eyes locked into my own. "Miss Bennett, thank you for coming."

His eyes only met mine for a fraction of a second.

But it was enough.

I could see the faint lines of a smile as he sang, his feet kicking freely at the beat of the music. The crowd was great; they were just as enchanted as I was at his performance, completely charmed.

"_Some things we don't talk about  
better do without  
just hold a smile  
we're falling in and out of love  
the same damn problem_."

Our eyes met again from across the room. A smile grazed my lips instantly and he smiled too.

My skin tingled with electricity.

The air was suddenly heavy, but breathing became easy.

My vision became clouded and he quickly became the only thing I could see.

The only thing that mattered.

This time, he didn't quickly look away.

My heart fluttered thumped in my ribcage.

I found the feeling that I'd been looking for so desperately all of last night.

It was here.

Edward looked down to his guitar as he strummed out chords and when his gaze left mine, I let myself exhale the breath I didn't realize I'd been holding.

This was undeniable now. I didn't want to escape this anymore. I didn't want to keep running.

I tightened my grip around myself, feeling completely relaxed, at ease and alive, all at once.

"_You can never say never  
why we don't know when  
time and time again  
younger now then we were before  
don't let me go,  
don't let me go."_

The last chord was strummed and the crowd clapped and cheered as the song wrapped. I breathed in the smoky, dusty air quickly as I pushed myself off the grimy wall. I stood there though, rooted in my position as Edward made his way over to where I was standing.

I pushed all thoughts to the back of my mind.

Smiling, I greeted him hello.

It was genuine, too.

**oOo**

**EPOV**

I could feel the weight of her gaze on me as I sang on stage. It didn't feel uncomfortable. Instead, it felt steady and reassuring. It was full of heavy heat. It felt promising.

I tried not to glance at her; I didn't want to screw up the song.

This song was new, just a day old. I wrote it after I left the bookstore a week ago. I'd purchased a book I read in high school. I was reminded of it just the other day and I had no idea where my old copy was. But I had work the next few days and I forgot about the book until last night.

I read the Shakespeare play all night. Pencil in hand, I marked off, underlined and took notes on the margins of the pages. The book was only hours old but it looked like it suffered a great lifetime of love. I had multiple pages corner folded, a strewn of quotes I liked were underlined in pencil and I had my handwriting on the margin.

Only when I was heading off to bed had I realized something.

Maybe it was nothing, perhaps it was monumental.

But I knew that last night… It felt huge. I ran back into my living room and picked the book back up. I quickly went through the pages and quotes I'd marked.

They all reminded me of Bella.

I picked up my guitar soon afterward, unable to even attempt getting any sleep, writing.

So I couldn't resist leaving that note in the elevator. Singing this song… It was important.

It was hers.

She didn't know that and I didn't want her to. I was afraid that all of this would scare her off completely. It threw my mind off kilter and I wasn't going to do this to her too.

But our eyes locked, inevitably.

We were separated by an entire pub's crowd. She was in the far end of the room and I could _feel_ her. I wondered momentarily if she could feel it too.

Alice used to talk about this.

_Sparks._

No, it couldn't be. These weren't sparks. They were…

I ransacked my brain for an appropriate word.

I gave up.

They were sparks.

**oOo**

Seattle nights were cold.

This was a winter, Seattle night.

The season's slowly pulling up to a close and I was glad. I couldn't possibly stand more snow.

Bella and I walked at a comfortable pace, bundled up in our coats. We'd created a set distance between us as we walked, it was comfortable. But it didn't feel like it was enough.

"The photographers won't find us, will they?"

Bella smiled, obviously amused. "Not tonight."

I nodded.

We walked in the cold some more, and then I did something insane.

"Hey, Bella." She looked up. "Come here."

She looked at me, questioning. "What are you talking about?"

"Come here." I insisted.

She walked closer to me. When she was near enough, I wrapped my free hand around her small shoulders, feeling warmer instantly.

She froze up for a moment, muscles tense. I instantly regretted doing what I did but I wasn't going to give up. I ran my hand swiftly up and down her arm, creating heat with the friction.

Her muscles relaxed quickly after that and I felt her lean into my touch.

"Better?"

She dropped her face to lean into my chest a little.

"Much."

My male parts reacted… positively.

I cleared my throat uncomfortably but feigned it as nothing.

We walked in silence for a while longer, but at least we were warmer now.

I looked over to her, her mouth open, like she was going to start speaking. But I doubted that she was going to.

I cut her off quickly.

"If you're going to tell me how I was tonight, don't say it."

Her eyebrows were raised in question.

"Who said that was I was going to say?"

She had me there. I shrugged, at lost for a proper response.

"Well… What _did_ you have to say?"

She paused for a moment and then shook her head. "Nothing."

I stopped walking.

"Are you sure?"

She nodded, walking again, "yeah, I'm sure."

But I wasn't. I'd seen this before. Her eyes would glisten, tears so close to the brim. Her quivering lips would purse and she'd struggle to find the words and I just knew that there was something she wanted to tell me. That she wanted to get something off her chest so badly. But she never did. And I knew why, and therefore, I didn't push her. She'd tell me in her own time, I was sure of it.

I had to be sure of it.

I knew what it was like to have a secret weigh heavy on my back. I still knew it. It wasn't fair for me to feel like she should've been ready to tell me when I wasn't ready myself.

The thin Shakespeare book felt heavy in the pocket of my coat. I planned on giving it to her tonight, to have her read it.

We walked peacefully inside the building. Bella paused in her tracks, her eyes were confused and I could practically hear the wheels in her mind clicking into place.

"What's wrong?"

I hoped that in that moment, she'd tell me what she'd being waiting to all along. That she'd let me in. I was curious and she had answers.

I was being selfish and I knew it.

But I couldn't help it at all.

Instead, her hand gestured to Charlie's table. "Charlie… I haven't seen him all day."

I stuck my tongue in my cheek, pondering the best way to answer her. I hadn't seen him all day either and his shift had started.

"I'm… I'm sure he's just having a night off, Bella. He's fine."

Her lips closed together and she nodded quietly, but I could tell that her mind was still occupied. I didn't blame her, mine was too.

The elevator opened up almost instantly and I clicked in both our floor numbers.

The atmosphere was tense. I was certain that Bella was still thinking about Charlie. We rode up the elevator in silence. Soon, the elevator stopped and she was stepping off into her floor.

"Goodnight, Edward."

I could feel the book digging into my chest.

"Goodnight, Bella."

It felt even heavier now than it did before.

Now or never.

"Bella, wait." My hand slipped in between the closing doors and they drew back instantaneously.

"Yeah?" Her cheeks were flushed, eyes open. She looked beautiful.

I pulled the book out of my coat. "Here. I have my card in it, call me whenever, Bella. I mean it. And the book, well… Read it."

She left her keys in the slot on the door. She took the book away from my grasp, reading the cover quickly. She looked back at me, smiling.

"Shakespeare?" She was looking up at me through her eyelashes, looking completely irresistible. I kept my hands in the pocket of my coat, playing with a piece of lint on the inside, trying to resist pinning her on the elevator walls.

"Feminist."

She was in beat with me, "chauvinist."

She was always in beat with me.

"Read it."

"I will."

I cleared my throat, removing my hand away from the doors.

"Okay."

"Okay." She took a step back towards her apartment, book in hand, her entire body was smiling and she looked relaxed.

I stepped back into the elevator; Bella's smiling face was the only thing I could think of. All night.

**oOo**

**BPOV**

I dumped my coat down on the kitchen table, next to Charlie's bag of cookies.

I shed layers of my clothing on the way to my bedroom, worn down with exhaustion. As soon as my head hit the pillow, I went into a deep, dreamless sleep.

But on the kitchen table, unknowingly, inside the pocket of that coat, my phone sat. Vibrating, the screen flashing in the darkness. Across the display, the words were clear and bright.

_Ben H._

**AN:** WE HIT 100 REVIEWS. THANK YOU! (Long AN, hold on…)

A reviewer: Shahula, expressed her confusion at the direction/current situation this fic is in. I realized that maybe I might have confused you all. I'm going to clarify a few things.

1. Edward is infatuated with Bella. He wants something he cannot have and for the moment, all he can give her is his friendship, and he settles at that. He has some personal demons of his own and he is also scared that what he's experienced in the past will scare her away.

2. He's not being honest with her, and she's not being honest with him. At this point, their friendship is built solely on lies and secrecy, but all will be revealed in a few chapters.

3. Ben is using her and she hasn't come to the realization that it isn't okay, but she's getting there. What she _has_ acknowledged is the fact that Edward made her feel so much more than Ben ever could… We're getting close, folks.  
4. The biggest problem about these two: they don't think that they're good enough for each other… This will be solved soon enough, I promise.

I cannot apologize enough for the delay. I'm deeply, truly sorry. I have been writing, and I'm not lying about that. This chapter you just read is chapter 10, version number 4. I'm not lying. The first one was frustrating and I despised it. The second one… I didn't even finish writing that one. The third version ended up with Bella crying… No fun, right? And before you ask, I do know what will happen in each and every chapter BUT, when I write, things tend to go in a direction where my mood is heading. This chapter was tough to crank out.

But guess what? In between of writing version 3 and 4, I wrote parts of chapter 11. Chapter 11 = the storm you've been waiting for, I'm excited! And I'm planning to stick to that version. Forever.

I have to admit that I'm not head over heels about this chapter, but I figured that this was better than nothing. Thank you so much for sticking around, I love you guys. You lurkers too

RosAlice22 – I don't know why this fine lady sticks around and reads this story… I only have love for you, darling. Thank you!

Leave me a review, if you will.

**Chapter 11:** Give me a week? Let's hope!


	11. You Left Me in The Dark

**CHAPTER ELEVEN – You Left Me in the Dark**

Whoa is this an update? Within 3 days of the previous chapter? *gasp*

I spoil all of you rotten… :)

Long AN at the bottom. This is the chapter you've been waiting for… Enjoy!

**oOo**

**BPOV**

I was cooking in Ben's lavish kitchen. Marble countertops, state of the art appliances… This room wasn't being put into good use and I was doing just that. I was making chicken marsala for lunch. Ben was in the other room; he was reading his script for the movie.

He was leaving in 2 weeks.

We'd been walking on eggshells since that conversation and the topic was never brought up again. But today, it was inevitable.

I didn't want to run anymore.

I was tired of lying. I was tired of pretending.

Ben walked into the kitchen when the chicken was done. He sat down and rubbed his palm against each other. I took a loaf of bread and sliced them down, placing the slices around the large bowl.

He didn't hesitate digging in. I smiled quietly, cleaning up the kitchen in a haste.

"You're not eating?" His mouth was filled with the marsala.

"No." I shook my head and turned around, getting him to drop the topic. And he did.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that.

He was done quickly and I picked up the empty bowl, placing it in the sink. I took a deep breath and started.

_Now or never._

"I'm not going to LA with you."

I stared down into the sink. I didn't want to turn around and face him. I did not want to look at his face and see him flash me his smile and try to coax me into this. My decision was made, I had to be sure of that one thing.

"What? Why… What are you talking about?"

I stayed silent.

"I thought we talked about this!"

I let out the breath I was holding, turning around to face him. He already got up from his previous seat on the stool, now standing in front of me, his face stern.

"No, Ben… That wasn't talking about this. That was… a topic dismissal. I like my life here… I'm not going to leave this…"

His expression softened. "But I… Bella, I enjoy your company."

I scoffed, unable to hide my disgust at his words.

"You _enjoy my company_? That's the _absolute_ best you could do?"

He stood frozen in his spot, unable to form any words. I shook my head reverently, turning back around to face the sink, turning the faucet on.

I let the water run and I turned back around to face him, leaning against the counter.

"I'm not doing this anymore, Ben. I'm not going to."

He dropped back into his seat, face in his hands.

He chose to stay quiet so I took the chance to wash the dishes, rinsing them free of the suds. I turned off the faucet and held my torso upright with my hands firm on the counters.

"Is this why you didn't come over last night?"

Tears pricked at the back of my eyes as thoughts of Edward invaded my brain in a cloudy haze. I could do nothing but nod.

"Yeah."

I could hear him scoff behind me. I could practically see his head shaking. His footsteps were loud and clear as he approached me, his hands fell onto my shoulders and I felt the weight push me under.

My shoulders didn't relax, the muscles stayed tense and stiff at his hands. But he didn't notice. Or maybe he did, he might've just chosen to not care.

"Just… Consider it, okay?"

His chin dropped onto my shoulder. I could only stare ahead into the marble tiling on the wall.

My eyes closed shut and a single, cold, fat tear rolled down my cheek. I nodded, turning my face away from him.

He seemed happy at that and he walked away quickly.

I wasn't sure how I felt about that either.

**oOo**

My fingers dug into my palm as my hand folded into a small fist at my side. I stared at the coat I had down on the kitchen counter, contemplating.

I closed my eyes and drew in a deep breath.

No more running.

I reached for my phone in my jeans pocket and my hands fumbled as they searched for the thin book I'd left on my kitchen counter the day before. The card fell into my hand and I drew in a deep, ragged breath.

I typed the numbers in quickly. I didn't want to give myself a chance to doubt this. I needed to tell him everything.

It wasn't fair to him at all. He was selfless and kind and caring. He never pushed. And he didn't need to, because I was going to tell him, I had to.

I heard the beeps of the call and his voice mail started: '_Hey it's Edward. Leave a message after the beep!'_

I played with the stitching on my jeans.

"Hey Edward. Bella here. I need to talk to you." I paused, clearing my throat. "Um, come over, okay? As soon as you can..."

I pressed down on the red call button and my breath fell from my lips in a quiver. For a split second I was afraid that the message was going to worry him too much, but I'd long lost the capacity to think productively.

I dropped my phone down on the countertop and I grabbed a sharpie, writing Charlie's name on the folded flap of the paper bag. I dropped it off on his desk soon afterward, and made my way back upstairs to my apartment and waited for Edward.

_There's no turning back._

**oOo**

**EPOV**

It was a little before noon. I took in a lungful of breath and my knuckles hit the wood of Bella's door. The door was pulled open quickly and I was faced with Bella, her face tired and haggard. She was smiling though, and it looked genuine and bright.

"Come in." She stepped aside to let me in. I raised a brow in curiosity but I stepped inside anyway, there would be enough time for that later. Bella had walked away and into her quaint kitchen. The small apartment space smelled of fresh baking and I was taken aback to my memories of home.

I shook the thoughts away and wandered quietly into her living room to wait. I snuck another look at the kitchen, and Bella was wiping down the counters with a dish rag. She popped open the fridge and offered me a drink. I declined. I just wanted to get to the bottom of this mess.

I had to know what she had to tell me.

The past hour of work was stressful, my mind completely occupied by Bella's message playing itself over and over in my head. Bella came back into the living room with a beer in hand. She sat in the recliner and not on the couch with me and my eyes widened slightly in shock at the distance she'd just purposely created between us.

I watched quietly as Bella ran a hand through her brown locks, pulling the strands away from her face.

Her brows were furrowed together as she spoke. "I don't know where to start, Edward." Her voice was quiet and hushed and tired. I leaned back into her couch and rested one of my arms on the back, getting comfortable, letting her know that I'd wait for her to answer.

"Start at the beginning, Bella. Start at the beginning." I nodded, urging her to continue.

She tucked her sock-covered feet under her and played with the cold beer in her hands.

"It was in the fall of my junior year of high school…" She swigged at her beer quickly.

_Liquid courage._

I would've smiled at her if the circumstances were different. She had a colorful pair of socks on, sipping on a beer… The thought of it amused me.

"… It was the most any girl could ask for. Autumns in Arizona… It's the most beautiful thing you'll ever see. The world's covered in shades of red and the air was light and breezy… I'd never dated anybody before James, and it was for a good reason. My family is most definitely not the conventional type."

_Swig._

"My mom, Renee… She's flaky, always has been. My dad, Phil, just went along with it. They'd be gone for months at a time, and I'd be home with TV dinners and episodes of ER…" She paused, smiling for a second at the memory. She quickly licked her lips and continued.

"James was a softball player, the bad boy every girl wanted to date. I never liked him but when he asked me out, my friends egged me on and one thing lead to another… My parents approved of him because they wanted someone to stay with me while they were gone, and they were gone… A lot."

I could see the various expressions that danced across her face as she reminisced.

"We graduated high school and we went to the same college together… I didn't leave Arizona because James didn't leave Arizona… By our second year, we were living together off campus."

She swallowed the lump that had inconspicuously ridden up her throat before she continued, still playing with the beer in her hand.

"A lot of things in life I'd gotten wrong but I thought, for a long time, that this was right. It was easy, simple. That one night… I'd never forget that night. I went home from a class and he was drunk. The apartment was a mess and he was ranting, saying some shit…"

She paused again and I wanted so badly to run over to her and hug it out. But I had to let her finish so I stayed rooted in my spot, my jaw clenching.

"I'll never forget what he said that night. Everything went down the drain from there… He started to get really ignorant and he was just drunk all the time. I looked for reasons to not be home, I worked jobs…"

She took another swig at her beer and my fists clenched tight at my sides. I kept my mouth shut though, I needed her to continue.

"I left when I graduated and got my major in English. I ran. I ran away from the sun, from my ignorant parents, from James… And I ran here. A friend of mine, Angela, got me a job at an agency, a PR agency. I was assigned Ben Hollis, the Hollywood actor turned bad boy."

She looked up at me then, her brown eyes staring deep into my confused ones.

"I work for him, Edward. But I don't… I don't want to anymore. I think I only took the job because I thought, you know… A Hollywood bad boy wants me to work for him, or whatever…"

I opened my mouth and closed it shut again.

"The dating thing, it's… It's fake. It's all a media scam… But I think, I think that he has crossed that line a while ago. He has a big movie deal and filming starts in two weeks…"

I knew what was coming now. I could sense it in the way she dropped her face down and stared at the carpeting.

"He wants me to go with him to LA."

I dropped my head into my hands. I felt like I had a migraine.

_Bella was leaving._

I lifted my head back up and spoke, eager to get my answers.

"So you're not really dating him?"

She shook her head.

"What do you mean by him…" I swallowed, continuing. "_Crossing that line_?"

I looked up at her and she was staring deep into the mouth of the beer bottle, twirling it around in her fingers.

She inhaled sharply, drawing in a quick, ragged breath.

"We slept together." She deadpanned.

My stomach rose up to my throat as I forced the words out of my mouth.

"Then… you both crossed the line?"

I watched her as she closed her eyes, her neck stiff, nodding slowly.

"Edward, I wanted to tell you…" she started, but I wouldn't have any of it and interrupted her, her eyes narrowed as she looked back at me.

"But you didn't." I spoke icily. The coldness of my own voice scared me. I caught flashes in my head of the old me, it felt like he was back for a moment.

"We're friends, right? Right? Don't you remember that?"

I was being unfair, and I knew it. But my anger was up to my throat and I couldn't stomach it anymore.

Her lips quivered as she looked at me, not turning away.

"I'm not going to apologize, Edward. This is my life. I can do with it as I please…"

"I know you can." My head shook as I wrung my hands in front of me, a nervous habit.

She swallowed. "Then you have no right," She looked right at me as she continued. "You have no right at all to be mad at me, Edward."

After a moment, I reluctantly nodded, she was right.

Of course she was right.

My tone softened when I spoke again, pushing the monster I once knew deep down back into the crevices of my mind.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

She placed the empty beer bottle on the coffee table.

"I didn't know if I could trust you, Edward. Nobody else knows…"

I nodded, getting up from the couch. I picked up my jacket from where I'd carelessly slung it before.

"Where are you going?" She'd gotten up from her seat in the recliner.

I swallowed the thick, bitter bile that had risen up my throat.

"You didn't know if you could trust me?" She nodded, her eyes closed.

My hand covered the cold doorknob. I closed my eyes, regretting the words even before they left my mouth.

"Maybe you shouldn't trust me, Bella."

The cold doorknob twisted underneath my fingers and I left.

**oOo**

**AN: **Tell me how much you hate him right now? I hate him too… Right now.

My next author's notes won't be this long, I promise. Leave me a review if you're confused about anything, ask and I will reply :) This chapter's a little shorter than expected but please tell me what you think… Your reviews mean the world to me and hey, I updated early! Give me some credit…

I want to say a few things… I have seen way too many authors pulling their story from FFn and getting them published as original stories… Let's just say that, for the record, that will never happen with this story or with any of my future ones. I write on FFn because this is an amazing community where people can comment and write and enjoy stories, money free. There's no profit being made here. I simply love the kind words and the support that this community is able to provide and I do not and will not seek any monetary benefits, in any way (unless it's the Fandom Gives Back, awesome thing, that one.) So, no worries, I am writing this for everyone to enjoy, money free.

The same thank you's go to RosAlice22, she's rock and roll and yes, darling, your English is rapidly improving :D Special ones go to the people who have been reviewing (ahem, not just alerting and favoriting… just sayin!) since the early days and have been dropping me kind words ever since: NikCul, Btvs89, SabLuvsLogan, Blake Evil, mcgt, eli-rose, movies2560 (I couldn't send you a teaser.)…

I want to add more in but you have to tell me because I stink at trying to keep track. I'm sorry if I left your username out, I love you guys too ;)

Review! :) I'll drop reviewers a teaser before the next update (give me one week; I have a good feeling about this one…)

~ Michelle


	12. Adrenaline and Fear

CHAPTER TWELVE – Adrenaline and Fear.

AN at the bottom. You know the drill. Enjoy!

I forgot to add this disclaimer in the last chapter but… I own nothing.

This takes place just after Edward leaves Bella's apartment.

**oOo**

**EPOV**

I walked inside the Emergency Room of the hospital briskly, almost robotically. This was something I did without thought, and I felt at peace in a hospital. Everything I did here made sense. I knew that I was here to save lives and when I kept my mind at that, and only that precisely, I never had to question my actions.

This job was far from easy, but it was natural. I didn't want it to be easy, I accepted the challenge as it came. If it were easy, it would've been boring, and that was the last thing I needed it to be. Bored.

Tonight was supposed to be my night off. But I called in anyways, offering to work down at the ER instead of my usual spot in the pediatric wing of the hospital.

I needed the distraction. But most importantly, I needed to do something I didn't have to doubt. I craved the feeling of knowing exactly what to do and why I had to do it… I craved this distraction.

With Bella, everything I did was new. Everything I said, everything I felt… It felt like I was a freshman in high school, walking into class for the very first time. It was disturbing and unnerving but at the same time, everything felt completely great and interesting. My curiosity was piqued and it was at its highest.

When Bella had told me everything, I felt like the ball was in my court.

And I got scared.

I still remembered everything so clearly.

Her voice was emotionless and detached as she told me everything and I felt even more of douche as I recollected. I'd wished that I was an ignorant person, so that I would've been able to shrug it off like it didn't matter. But I wasn't ignorant and it did matter. I realized that this… This thing… It was huge to her. It was huge for her to have told anybody and I knew that she hadn't before because she told me…

Out of all people, she told _me_.

For a moment I found myself wishing that she hadn't told me at all, so that I wouldn't have gotten scared and ran away and avoided everything.

When she was done, I felt something. It was the biggest overwhelming sense and feeling that I needed to protect and care for her now. That I had to convince her that she was worth love and care and attention.

I wanted to tell her that I was sorry but the word didn't click into place in my mind. I was sorry that it had happened to her but I couldn't bring myself to apologize to her on behalf of all those people she'd surrounded herself with who'd hurt her.

I was probably one of them now.

I wanted to protect her. I wanted to wrap my arms around her and tell her that everything was going to be fine and that none of this was her fault. But all these urges of wanting to be around for her…

I wasn't good for her and she deserved so much more than me. But the feeling and the urge was there and I couldn't even attempt to mentally deny it.

So, I got scared and I got defensive. Alice told me this frequently but I guess I never really learnt. I get aggressively defensive. I was afraid that Bella was expecting me to say something and I knew that I wasn't ready to tell her anything.

So I fought instead. I blamed everything on her and I turned all attention away from me just so that I didn't have to get over my insecurities. I hurt Bella tonight.

She looked so guilty and defeated and tired, but I didn't know what I could've done to take all of it away. I wanted to tell her to fight back but there was nothing I could've done or said to her that would've fixed everything.

I just wanted to fix everything.

So that it would all be perfect and that things would click right into place.

I was being irrationally selfish. She'd just poured her guts out to me and I couldn't even bring myself to tell her that I cared about her, or that I was glad she'd told me anything at all.

But I understood things now. If there was one good thing that came out of what'd happened, was that I'd gotten a firm grip on what the circumstances of her life was for her.

I knew that if I wanted things to be alright for her, than I would've had to let her fix herself. I needed to give her the space she needed so that she could make her own decisions, and lead her life the way she felt fit.

I was going to have to willingly and purposely… distance myself from her. She needed time, and for now, it's the one thing I could give her.

Every decision I'd made in life, I'd made because I knew that it was going to benefit myself. I'd always been a selfish bastard and I knew that.

But this was Bella. In such a short amount of time, she'd become more than a friend, so much more than good company… She'd become my sun.

Inevitably, my life had started to revolve around her. I inconspicuously kept working the nightshift long after I was supposed to. I timed my return so that I would 'accidentally' run into her in the elevator. I'd gotten up in mornings much earlier than I usually would have so that I would catch her sometime before noon, coffee in hand. And there was that book.

When I'd picked up that book and stuffed it in my coat, everything clicked into place for me, even just momentarily.

My existence, my life, my routine… My happiness…

Bella.

I'd come to doubt, question and regret a lot of decisions in my life but this one was made without a doubt.

This would be the single most selfless decision I'd ever made. For once in my life, I put myself in the back burner and Bella was everything that mattered.

I meandered my way down through the chaotic ER crowd to the desk at the lobby of the hospital at the end of my shift. I crossed my hands and placed them down on the cold table top, looking down at the nurse.

"I want to switch shifts. These hours aren't working for me."

**oOo**

**BPOV**

I sat on my bed; a slice of the caramelized apple tart was sitting on a stray pillow. I was clad in my sleep clothes but it wasn't even remotely close to being my regular bedtime and I couldn't find sleep.

I exhaled, letting my head hit the propped up pillows behind my head before I reluctantly reached over to my bag, sitting on the foot of the bed, and dug out the book Edward gave to me the other day.

I sat up straighter against my pillows and examined the book quickly. The book had multiple pages folded in its corners. I turned it back over and started on the first page.

I divulged the book quickly and the apple tart too, soon enough, I landed on one of the corner folded pages. It was strewn with pencil markings and it had a quote underlined and quotation marks bookended the words.

_I pray you, do not fall in love with me._

_For I am falser than vows made in wine._

I refolded the corner page and continued with my reading, shrugging off the previous quote, feigning it as nothing. It wasn't long before I was reading off another marked page.

_Dear shepherd, now I find thy saw of might:_

'_Whoever loved, that loved not at first sight?'_

A small tear escaped my right eye and I brushed it away quickly, not letting myself admit to crying at all.

The book fell closed in my lap and I leaned back into my pillows for a moment, before I picked my head back up and examined the marked pages.

I wanted to read these first and get those marked quotes over with, so that when it was all over and done, I'd come to a conclusion that I meant nothing to Edward and that he should mean nothing to me as well.

I ignored the first two corner folded pages and looked onto the third.

_You were better speak first, and when you were graveled for lack of master, you might take occasion to kiss._

I drew in a breath and flipped to the fourth.

_No sooner met but they looked, no sooner looked but they loved, no sooner loved but they sighed, no sooner sighed but they asked one another the reason, no sooner the reason but they sought the remedy; _

I gulped and willed myself to continue reading, another warm tear slipping down my cheek,

_And these degrees have they made a pair of stars to marriage, which they will climb incontinent, or else be incontinent before marriage. They are in the very wrath of love, and they will together._

The fifth corner folded page was the last marked one and I sat up even straighter as I braced myself to read it. The storyline of the play was now lost to me and these quotes were momentarily the only things that mattered. I pried the page open with my thumbs and the page fell open in my lap.

_But, O! How bitter a thing it is to look into happiness through another man's eyes. By so much the more shall I to-morrow be at the height of heart-heaviness by how much I shall think my brother happy in having what he wishes for._

My breath caught in my throat and I pulled the covers above my head as the thin book fell to the floor with a resounding thud. I willed myself to cry, but just for tonight. The pillow was wet and damp beneath my cheek but exhaustion pulled me under, and soon enough, I fell asleep.

**oOo 2 days later oOo**

**BPOV**

It was dark outside but the hurried shutter clicks of the cameras were unmistakable. We'd sat like this, curled up against each other on the stupid white couch for the past half hour. I closed my eyes and got up abruptly. This was getting ridiculous and I was going to have none of it.

I walked to the window, drawing the thick curtains closed with fervor, the rings holding the fabric up clicking across the metal bar and we were soon alone.

The camera clicks stopped and my shoulders relaxed at the absence of the noise.

"Bella? What the hell?"

My hand came up to my forehead as I turned around to face him.

"I'm done, Ben. I really am." The words left my mouth before I could catch and rephrase them but when they escaped, I willed myself to not regret it.

He looked at me like I'd grown to heads. I stared back at him.

He'd gotten up from the couch now. "What are you even talking about?" He paused. When I didn't answer, he continued.

"LA? Is this about LA? Because you know I have to go!"

"I know that, Ben. I do, okay? I'm not… I'm not going with you."

"What?" He looked like a blond goldfish out of water. I breathed in a sharp breath and repeated myself.

"I'm not going with you."

My voice held no tone of doubt and I made sure of it.

"Fuck, Bella! You can't do that!" His hands made its way into his hair and he was flailing, arms waving in the air as he stressed.

I felt nothing. Not a tinge of guilt or sympathy…

It was as if I was an audience, not a part of the play.

I'd gone through these words and this scene a million times in my mind. This was real now and it felt no different than when it was just a scenario in my head.

"Yes, I can. I'm not going."

I refused to let my voice falter.

His hand grabbed me harshly in the crook of my elbow and he harshly pulled me towards him. His chest was against my own and I could feel my heart thundering inside my ribs in a frantic beat.

His voice was heavy and thick as he spoke, enunciating each word out slowly to me.

"Are you telling me you don't feel this?"

I shook my head and turned my neck away from him, blinking away the tears that started to form.

"I don't."

"You're lying, Bella. You're fucking lying to me!"

I still refused to look at him and my neck was starting to cramp up. He was breathing hard, his exhales blowing against my hair, his chest moving against my own.

Before I knew it, his lips came toward me and I tried to turn my head away. He grabbed my chin with one hand and kept my face there. My hands instantly clenched into fists as I pushed him away. He gave up quickly, realizing that my lips didn't move beneath his and that the balls of my fist were thumping against his chest.

I turned my face away from him when his hold on my chin disappeared, still refusing to look at him.

He gripped my arm even tighter and for a moment, I was scared that he was going to shove me back at him again. But then proceeded to push me away, shoving me harshly away from him. I stumbled a little before I gained footing again.

Ben started to walk around the room, pacing, hand on his forehead.

"You're going to lose your job."

I choked back a snort. "I know."

My eyes followed his movement around the room. I bit at the inside of my cheek to try to regulate my breathing. I did not want to look weak in front of him. I refused to look the least bit vulnerable.

He wasn't going to coerce me into saying yes. I was adamant.

"You're going to lose your job at the agency."

_I didn't know that. _

"I know."

He turned around then, suddenly. It was unexpected and he'd started to move towards me again. I looked at him straight in the eye this time, watching him as he approached.

"You can't do this to me, Bella."

"I'm doing it right now, Ben."

He shook his head, his eyes narrowing into thin, angry slits.

"Why?"

My voice broke then and a small tear left my eye.

"I don't want to do this anymore."

He snorted. I wished I had earlier.

"What does that even fucking mean? You don't want to do this anymore?"

I shook my head. "No."

He took another step closer to me.

"Tell me what that means."

I stayed quiet.

I didn't know.

Another step.

"Tell me what that fucking means!"

"It means that I'm done, okay! I'm sick of being treated like dirt… Being followed around like some sort of deformed human being…." My breath caught in my throat and he took another step towards me.

His close proximity caused my breath to catch in my chest and the words I spoke came out in a croak.

"I can't."

I shut my eyes, not wanting to look anymore, and the motion caused another tear to slip down my cheek.

It was only for a second but that was all it took.

His palm came down on my cheek with a sharp sting and I fell to the carpeted floor at the force.

I struggled to breath, my hand coming up to cover my now throbbing cheek. The world felt like it was swerving in slow motion and every strangled breath I took burnt down my lungs and set me on fire.

It felt like forever.

But soon enough, time came swerving back into motion and Ben's panicked voice echoed in my ears.

A string of mutters and shouts of apologies and curses tumbled from his lips in a fluster and my eyes pried open at the realization of what the circumstances were.

I'd never felt this scared in my life.

My veins were now pushing pulsing blood, filled with adrenaline and punched through by panic and fear.

I pushed myself off the floor, my limbs haphazardly flailing in what seemed like a protective stance.

"Bella, are you okay?"

He almost sounded honest.

"Bella…"

His outreached hand came toward me and I flinched, taking a step back. Once I was sure I was far enough, I pulled my head up, looking at him in the eyes.

"Don't."

His hand came toward me again and I gritted words through my teeth.

"Don't touch me!"

I picked up my phone and keys from the counter and lifted my coat off the rack. My breathing was labored and heavy and I could still feel the sting on my cheek where his hand was.

The doorknob was warm beneath my fingers and for a moment, I wondered if my fingers were just cold.

It felt like blood had been drained from my body and I was left in a semi-conscious state, my mind muting out the sounds of the world. I pushed my hands through my jacket quickly and grabbed at the sunglasses in my right pocket, slipping them on and over my eyes.

My fingers were shaking so I stuck them in my coat as I walked through the crowd.

The sunglasses hid my puffy eyes and the sounds of their yelling and their cameras eliminated the small whimpering that pathetically made its way out my mouth. The crowd felt like it was pulsing around me and their movements hid my own tremors.

This time, the noises of the world were drowned out in ease as my mind stayed in its seemingly perpetual state of comatose.

_This is not what I want. _

oOo

AN:

I love Shakespeare. As You Like It is one of my favorite plays of all time, and aren't the quotes great? Like really. Sigh.

I know this chapter's late but I've been waiting to get internet so that I could post it for a few days now, I apologize for the lack of teasers, but thank you so much to everyone who reviewed!

Next chapter, Edward and Bella, all the way.

Tell me how much you hate Ben, I hate him too.

RosAlice22 just picked up and started writing the translation to this story again! I'm excited… Everyone, thank her. She makes me smile

A few other things…

Follow me on twitter, so you'll know when I'll be updating.

Personal twitter = letmyheartwin (but let me know that you're from FFn, I delete random followers)

FFn twitter = lemonschlemon (I rarely tweet from here but if you don't want to hear me rant about my life all day, follow this one for updates only)

That's all I have to say, folks. Til next time…

Give me one week; I'm almost halfway through with chapter 13.

Review!


	13. We Can Look Forward to Eventually

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN – We Can Look Forward to Eventually**

**AN:** This follows the last chapter, it's past midnight.

**oOo**

**BPOV**

I raced inside the building. Tonight was different.

Tonight I didn't feel content or assured or comforted. The crowd was still yelling and rampant outside the building's doors and tonight I pushed those doors open with my own two hands.

I stole a glance at Charlie's desk, his chair still vacant. I momentarily panicked when I realized how long he'd been gone but I soon came back into present.

I knew what I had to do.

The thought of him caused my chest to tighten. The back of my throat was now dry from the deep, heaving breaths I took, each one even more painful than the previous.

I marched towards the elevator, thankful that I it stopped and arrived almost immediately after the button lit up. I leaned against the wall, the cold of the wood pushing through my jacket and into my bones. My body was rigid. I was exhausted and it was freezing cold.

But I knew that I wasn't going to wait anymore.

Two days. It'd been two days since I saw Edward last.

I'd replayed the conversation over and over again in my mind and I could not find a reason why he was so angry with me. I told him the truth. Sure he had the right to be upset, but not to avoid me for two days straight, letting me fight my battles alone.

I brows furrowed together as my mind scattered memories of the book. I remembered his little, doctor-scribbles all over the page and I wondered again of his motives for giving me that book.

Did he want me to find the quotes?

The elevator was still static in the first floor and my hand reached out to my floor number.

My finger hovered.

And it moved, scooting over to the number 21 before I could change my mind.

The button lit up and the elevator moved.

I took off my sunglasses and perched them folded inside my jacket pocket. My feet shuffled together on the mucky carpeting in anticipation.

I reminded myself that I was done running and avoiding. I looked at the buttons on the far wall and I had to repeat in my mind how I had nothing else to lose.

If Edward was still going to avoid me yet again, and if I was going to continue on with my life, pretending that I didn't know him… I was moving home.

The elevator doors opened and before I knew it, a wooden door was in view.

I took a step forward, my forehead pressing against the peephole.

_You have nothing to lose._

I pulled my head back from the closed door and lifted my knuckles up to meet the wood.

**oOo**

**EPOV**

A cluster of knocks at my front door echoed in my apartment. I woke up disoriented and achy, pulling my body off the couch. I glanced around my dark kitchen I lifted my left arm. I clearly made out the time from the little arrows.

1 AM.

I mumbled a fluster of curses as I swung my legs over the couch, getting up slowly.

My mind jumped to Alice and all the reasons she could be knocking on the door. I momentarily fixated on the possibility that she was hurt. Alice knew about my shift change though, she wouldn't wake me at this hour for no reason. I made my way in the dark as the sounds of pattering feet following my short walk to my door. I looked down at myself, realizing that I was in nothing but my shirt and boxers.

I couldn't care enough though. Alice wanted to wake me at an inhuman hour; she deserved to see my bare legs. I had a baseball bat leaning against the frame of my door, ready for me to whack the crap out of a robber.

Or something like that.

I stepped back a little to open the door but the back of my feet hit the small puppy.

"Just get back to bed, Claire." I mumbled.

Little pattering footsteps descended down my hall and into silence.

I cracked the door open then, an arm slung over my eyes.

"Fuck, Alice. Do you have any idea what time it is?"

I took the palm of my hand off my eyes and my pupils momentarily squinted and adjusted to the bright hallway lights.

"Bella?"

**oOo**

**BPOV**

I listened to the small mutters and mumbles pouring through the doors, Edward's voice gaining clarity as he neared the door.

Grumble grumble. I heard him speak to someone then.

"Just get back to bed, Claire." Grumble.

I released a breath I didn't realize I'd been holding and turned around on my heels.

This was not going to turn out great.

I was going to see a half naked Edward, a leggy blonde, almost entirely naked, standing behind him, peering over his shoulder.

_Shudder._

But I promised myself that I was done with running and I was going to face this, no matter how awkward it might get.

I turned back to face the door when I heard it open. I could see his face, half covered by the darkness of his apartment. His face turned from a bothered one and softened as he realized it was me.

I exhaled again, blinking away the tears that had started to form in my eyes.

"Bella?"

He said nothing after that.

"You know what? Never mind, Edward. I'll go."

I chewed on my bottom lip as my eyes closed, my feet ready to take me back to the elevator.

"Don't… Don't leave, Bella."

I paused in my movements, still frozen.

"Please. I can see you're not okay."

_Of course he could._

I turned around. "I can't, Edward. I'm sorry I… disturbed you."

His expression turned into one of curiosity.

"Disturbed me?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I can see you're…" my eyes flitted towards his apartment, still completely dark inside. "Busy."

I licked my lips, ready to leave again.

"Busy? I was asleep."

I lifted my eyebrows and dropped them again, still refusing to make eye contact with him.

"Yeah, yeah…" I nodded, sucking a deep breath before continuing. "With… Claire."

I looked up at him this time, awaiting his response.

Surprisingly, the corners of his lips turned up into a small smile, adorning his haggard face.

"Claire?" His eyebrow were up, his expression then was one I knew well.

I nodded.

"Claire is my dog."

I opened my mouth to speak.

"You got a dog?"

It was his turn to nod.

At least I was correct about one thing. It was awkward.

"Oh."

We stood awkwardly in silence for a moment. My breathing was still heavy and my eyes filled with tears again.

This was stupid.

"I'm sorry, Edward. Just go back to sleep. I'll go."

His hand caught my elbow as I was turning around.

My body shuddered and quaked and everything I'd been holding in broke free.

My shoulders shook and his strong arms wrapped around me, pulling me close against him.

I'd never felt this weak. Not ever. Never this vulnerable and broken and fragile.

He hushed and whispered sweet nothings into my hair. His arms were strong and safe and gentle around me.

At some point, he lifted me in his arms, my body cradled against his own and he pulled me inside the darkness of his apartment.

**oOo**

**EPOV**

I watched as the bruise formed on her cheek, darkening in shades of purple.

My jaw and fists clenched.

I hadn't heard her story yet and I wasn't going to comment on the gnarly bruise.

I doubted this was a coffee table or a kitchen cabinet incident.

My heart swelled at the thought that she went to see me and then deflated again completely when I realized how badly I'd treated her the last time I saw her.

I was going to stay here and I was going to make her better. In any way I could possibly muster.

I held her as she cried into my shirt, her lips mumbling small apologies.

I didn't know why she was apologizing at all.

I should've been the one apologizing to her, so I did what I could.

I waited for her breathing to even out, for her sobbing and shaking to stop. It scared me half to death that this woman whom I just met a month ago, a healthy, happy young woman…

It scared me how much she'd broken down in front of me in the short time that I've known her.

I remembered again how confident and sure and positive she always looked but she was never like that when it was just us.

I thought of that day we'd spent in that coffee shop and I vowed there and then that I would do anything I possibly could to get that girl back. The girl who was smiling and laughing and carefree and honest and bright.

Even if it meant that I had to leave her or that I had to be honest… I was going to do anything.

Her breathing evened out and kept running my fingers through her soft hair. It was something my mother used to do when I was little and it always soothed me.

Her hushed voice broke the silence that'd started to envelop us.

"I don't work for Ben anymore."

I stayed quiet, letting her know that I was listening. When she didn't, I spoke a little, urging her to continue.

"What happened?"

She took a deep breath and her shoulder moved against my chest when she did.

"I quit and he hit me. I left."

I held my breath deep in my stomach and my hand dropped from her hair to her cheek.

I had my hands on her knees now, ready to push her off me.

Her eyes looked back at me in fear.

_I scared her._

_I was such a monster._

"I'm just grabbing you some ice, Bella. I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded and I got up and walked to my fridge, pulling out ice cubes and wrapping them in a small towel. I clicked the lights back off on my way back, figuring that Bella and I needed the rest anyways.

When I walked back, I saw that she'd taken off her boots, her feet crossed in front of her. I gave her the cold bundle and she grabbed it from me but I kept my hand on hers as the towel pressed against her cheek.

I sat back down close to her, my hand still on hers, pressing gently at her cheek.

"It's okay, Bella."

She looked up at me, her eyes puffy and red. "Is it?"

"It's going to be." I lifted her knees and placed them over my legs. "We'll be okay."

Our stories could wait.

There would be time in the world for that. But now she needed me just as much as I needed her.

Her head laid down on my chest and I leaned back into the couch.

"I care about you."

She nodded.

"Did you know that?"

She shook her head.

"Now I do." Her voice was still hushed.

I nodded. "Good."

We held each other for a while longer, staying in our own little bubble.

"Edward?"

"Hm?" I started running my fingers through her hair again.

"What is it about the dark that make us whisper?"

It was still Bella.

I chuckled. "I don't know, love."

"Edward?"

I chuckled quietly again. "Yes, love?"

"Why do you call me that?"

I pressed my cheek against her hair.

"I don't know."

She hummed quietly, an affirmation that she'd heard me.

"Anymore questions, Bella?"

"Much more."

I waited for her to continue with her questions. We were still whispering to each other, it was nice.

"Why were you so angry?"

**oOo**

**BPOV**

We were silent after that; quiet breathing sounds were the only thing we could hear.

"I guess… I don't know how I can explain this."

"Try."

I needed to hear this.

"I guess… When you were honest with me, I… I took it as a sign that I had to be honest with you too and I'd never had to tell my story to anyone before."

That was reasonable. I waited for him to continue, letting him tell everything in his own pace.

"Everyone I've kept close, or at least, kept me close, had always known the story… People who'd deal with my shit…" He shook his head, chuckling lowly. "I'd never had to tell it before."

"Do you think you'll ever be able to tell me?" I felt bold now, confident enough to ask him what I wanted to know.

The hard planes of his chest moved as he breathed.

"Eventually, I'm sure I will."

I kept quiet.

"It's not a happy story, Bella."

"I know. But you will tell me though, right?"

"Eventually?"

"Eventually."

He stayed silent for a moment. But when he spoke, he was sure.

"For you, Bella, anything."

I nodded, that was enough for now.

**oOo**

**AN:**

It's late, I know… I know. Classes are back in motion… Oh the life of a student…

I hope that chapter was worth it. Wrote the last ¾ of it in one sitting.

A few things: mixed responses from the last chapter but a few people told me how they hated Bella and Edward… ME TOO. I knew when I started writing this story that I didn't want my characters to turn into Mary Sue's. They were going to be stupid and broken and retarded and aggravating at times. They were going to screw up over and over again, and again.

After this chapter, things are going to pick up quickly. The happy and fluffy scenes you've been waiting for will happen very soon. I have 5 (?) more chapters planned in my outline plus an epilogue.

About updates, I am writing as fast as I possibly can and I try to post everything as soon as I get things written, so teasers might stop from now on. I still don't have a beta or a pre-reader either so my apologies…

RosAlice22 – ignore that last review. I still heart you.

We are nearing 150 reviews. Once we hit 200, I will shit brix (no promises about that either though)

Follow me on twitter to see when I'm writing (or not writing). letmyheartwin and lemonschlemon

I'll see all of you in chapter 14! Leave me a review :D

-Michelle


	14. Worth It

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN –Worth It.**

I own nothing. AN at the bottom, enjoy!

**BPOV**

I woke slowly to feel soft bedding, plush and warm. It screamed thread count.

Definitely not mine.

My eyes shot open and memories of last night's event then stormed in my head and I sunk deeper into the bed at the realization.

I rubbed a hand over my eyes; remnants of last night's cakey eye make up transferring onto my fingers. Groaning, I landed with both feet on the carpeted floor, my eyes shooting around the room in search for a bathroom.

I groaned the exact second I saw my reflection on the mirror. Then smiled when I saw a yellow post it stuck to the surface.

'Breakfast's in the oven. Don't worry about Claire, she's fed. Be there when I get back? - E."

He drew a small smiley face below his initials and I smiled instantly at the gesture. I washed the black muck off my face as best as I possibly could and walked back inside the bedroom.

It looked like a guest room, this one. He had swim team trophies lined up against a sturdy bookshelf and a small armchair sat beside the bed, looking unused. He had old boxes shoved in the corner next to a dresser. I realized then that this room was probably put to no use at all and was just utilized as space for storage.

I looked around the room a little more before I walked outside to the confines of his apartment.

Since I didn't get to last night, I took the chance to look around. I could guess that his bedroom was through the door across the hallway but I didn't dare look inside. I walked out into his living area. His apartment was probably twice the size of mine, with two bedrooms and a separate dining area.

A small, white furball sat on his black couch, moving quietly as it breathed.

_Claire._

My feet shuffled against the rug and the creature peered up at me, lifting its head off the couch before dropping it back down again.

The small puppy looked like an Asian bear. All small, slitty eyes and fuzzy paws. The puppy looked almost miniature on his large couch.

I smiled again for the millionth time that morning and made my way into his kitchen.

It was wonderful.

State of the art stoves and a high tech refrigerator. Marble countertops and Swiss knives and polished wooden cabinets.

I sat on the kitchen stool and looked at the black couch.

I could live with this.

**oOo**

I hopped into the shower after ransacking through his kitchen. Claire took it upon herself to follow me around the apartment, sitting on the cold linoleum floor of the bathroom as I showered.

She then proceeded to follow me back into the guest bedroom while I looked through his closet for something to wear. Her thick fur made her look pudgy, her little, chunky body oscillating from side to side like a swing. I was grateful for the little patters of her chubby paws against the hardwood, reminding me that I wasn't alone.

I pulled out a striped dress shirt from the dresser in the guest room. It was filled with warmer clothing and smelled of sandalwood. I chucked the drawer closed and picked up the shirt, pulling it over and buttoning it up. I'd placed my jeans and blouse in the washer to clean.

I knew that I couldn't have possibly left his place; he hadn't left me a key.

I was trapped in a small comfortable bubble.

This space was Edward's. I was in it. I was in his bubble, finally.

I couldn't think of anywhere else I could possibly be.

**oOo**

Edward finally came back soon after six and I was glad. Claire had kept me company but it was nothing close to what I felt around him. I spent the day watching mindless daytime TV and did yoga stretches on his floor, desperate for something to do.

I realized that I'd left my phone on the kitchen counter yesterday and had already run out of battery by then. I didn't bother with looking for a charger, choosing solitude over people. I didn't care if they failed to contact me. I'd almost forgotten what it felt like to be carefree.

I had my hair in a bun, held up with a chopstick, the other still in the drawer. I was still in his dress shirt as I cooked a simple chicken stir-fry when he walked in.

I smiled at him before he said anything, wooden spatula still in hand. I walked over to him as he put down his messenger bag and coat on the counter and his hand wrapped around my waist as his lips met my temple and my body melted in his hands.

"Hello to you, too."

He unwrapped his hand from my waist slowly and I walked back to the stove and continued stirring.

"This is the most amazing thing to come home to," his voice sounded tired but I could tell that he was completely at ease.

"Do you want to wash up a bit while I set up the table? You sound tired." I suggested, clicking off the stove and moving over to scour his silverware drawer.

Edward stepped in as I walked. "I'll set the table, don't worry."

I could only nod in response, plating the stir fry so that he could start eating.

oOo

EPOV

I watched as her hips swayed as she cooked, her feet randomly tapping to a non-existent beat. I watched her from my place by the kitchen island, my elbows folded and I began planning our life together. We'd probably never have this moment repeated but we'd have others. We'd wake up together in our small condo, the sounds of the busy city streets loud and persistent. We'd have coffee in small cafes on the streets of London. We'd pack our life into boxes and then unpack them again, sure this time of where we were starting.

We were young and we weren't even 'together' yet. We still hadn't shared our first date, let alone a kiss but this girl deleted every thought of uncertainty I could ever have.

We were young and stupid and I knew that we'd have to wait.

I'd wait forever for this girl.

**oOo**

**BPOV**

I sighed, completely at ease. After dinner, Edward cracked open a bottle of wine and we were both sipping without a care in the world. I leaned back in the couch and watched as Edward spoke about a man who stumbled in the ER drunk on his shift. He enjoyed the stir fry and I was glad.

We sat in his couch, an afghan blanket draped over both of our crossed legs.

"Hey, Bella?"

"Yeah?" I sipped on my wine and looked up at him.

"Ask me again."

I frowned, confused. "Ask you what?"

He took a tentative sip. "That question you asked me when we first met. Do you remember?"

I nodded. I remembered that day perfectly.

I unfolded my legs slightly, smiling reassuringly. "You sure?"

He nodded.

"So, what is your biggest baddest secret?" I squinted my eyes a little for emphasis and he chuckled, placing the wine glass down on the table.

"Well, I'm adopted." He paused, obviously checking for my reaction but I only nodded and urged him to continue.

"I was put into foster care when I was 9. My parents died in a car accident. It was snowing and the roads were slippery. I was in the backseat but I don't remember it. I got away barely scraped but I think that was just my mind pushing crap into the back of my head."

"I'm sorry…" I had more to say but I stopped myself. He needed to get this out of his system.

He nodded again, continuing.

"I don't remember the accident or what happened in the car that day. They could've been fighting for all I know but I remember leaving my house that day, it was a Sunday and we were going to get ice cream."

"All I remember was waking up in the emergency room and a doctor told me my parents were gone."

He gulped and I folded my knees up to my chest, leaning my cheek up against it.

"The doctor I met that night ended up adopting me after I spent a year in the system. Some foster parents were good, some were terrible. They tried their best but sometimes it just doesn't work, you know."

I nodded; I had no words to say. Edward refolded his legs and I followed his lips as he talked again, his eyes cast off to the side.

I noticed how his voice lowered down into a tone just louder than a whisper. His brows furrow and his forehead wrinkles, like he's thinking really deeply.

"When my parents died, they uh, they left me a lot of money. Carlisle put it away in a fund after the accident or else they would've been the government's money. I had no access to the fund until I was legal and I didn't even know about it until I was18. I used it for med school. Carlisle was a doctor too and I guess I just wanted to repay him."

I stretched one of my legs forward so that my toes touched his feet under the blanket.

"I have memories of my parents, each one is clear in my mind… But that accident, I've been trying for as long as I could remember and I just… I can't. I remember my mother. I remember her cooking in our bright yellow kitchen. I remember how my dad smelled, all sweat and masculinity. It's funny what you remember. I couldn't remember what my mom said to me that day but I remember the hem of her sundress, lined with a lace ribbon and I remember the way my dad's hair hung on his shirt collar, like he needed a haircut."

We sat in silence for a moment.

His voice, his body language, his expressions… This wasn't a story he routinely told. This was a story that had to be earned and I wondered how many people he'd told.

"I've never told anyone that before," he lifted his head and looked right at me.

I stretched out my legs and refolded them back behind me, snuggling up and placing my head at the crook of his armpit. The dress shirt wrinkled under me as I slid up. Edward wrapped an arm behind my neck and pulled me closer.

His hand rested on my waist and I closed my eyes for a moment, resting my head on his chest, feeling it rise and fall with his breathing.

I watched as my bare feet sat next to his sock covered ones and I chuckled a little, causing him to raise his brows at me and I shrugged.

**oOo**

**EPOV**

This girl was perseverance, strength and sensuality, sweaters and the smell of spring nights. Her eyes told me so much and her knowing smile was reassuring. I needed to hold in her in my arms and connect all the points that made her who she was, shoving all the pieces together until they made sense.

Her index finger started tracing small circles on my chest over my shirt. She was thinking but we were content in the silence.

"Why… why are you doing this?" Bella mumbled into my shirt, almost slurring.

She breathed deeply and her body expanded and retracted in my arms, the comfort of having her in my arms was unimaginable. Her energy radiated and soothed my insecurities.

"Why am I doing what?"

"You know," she continued to draw circles over my shirt, "fight for me…"

My answer came into mind without even thinking.

"You're worth it."

She lifted her head from my chest and I just knew that she was going to interrupt.

"Yes, you are."

She closed her mouth for a moment and opened it again.

"Shush it, it's nothing for you to worry over." I said with a smile.

She chuckled and placed her head on my chest again. I stretched my neck a little and saw that Claire was asleep on the floor.

My heart thumped in my chest, knocked on my ribs and thrummed on my skin. Her skin laid on my skin and the smooth skin of her cheek thrummed with mine.

"Bella?"

She hummed a tone in acknowledgment.

"You're kind, selfless, stubborn, mouthy, feisty, smart… You make me frustrated, angry, jealous…" I gulped.

"You are intoxicating. You make me feel consumed, challenged, awed and quite honestly, aroused."

She giggled tiredly on my chest and I laughed along with her. This girl made me silly and stupid.

We still had a lot to work through and I knew that her issues with Ben – that prick – weren't fully resolved yet. I didn't think that I could move forward with her, no matter how strong my feelings were, knowing that she hadn't settled things with that pretentious prick.

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

"I need to get home and get clean clothes."

I chuckled.

"Do you really?" She nodded.

"But Bella… You can take all my shirts."

She propped her chin on my chest.

"They look better on you." I admitted and she giggled even more.

God, I love that laugh.

I took my left hand and wrapped it around her waist.

"My phone died."

"I have a charger."

"I have no clothes.'

"I told you, you could borrow mine."

"I want to shower."

"You can shower here."

"Ew! And smell like a dude? No, thanks."

I wrapped my arm around her even tighter.

"Seriously?"

After a few minutes, I finally let go.

"Fine. But bring a change of clothes too."

She unwrapped herself from me and pulled down my shirt.

It didn't work, it barely covered her thighs.

She raised her eyebrows at me. "And your guitar."

She frowned with a smile and grabbed her trench coat from the kitchen island, wrapping it around her. She opened the door and stepped out just about halfway when I spoke again.

"Hurry back."

She smiled, "I will."

**oOo**

**AN:**

Finally… Yes, I know, I know. I'm sorry if you thought I was dead. Or if you thought the story was dead. I'm sorry I made you guys wait so long, but if you're here, reading, thank you.

I probably don't deserve reviews right now, but one would be nice. Just tell me how you hate me. Or how you wished I were dead because it was the only legitimate reason for not updating.

I'm starting the next one now. I hope that was the chapter you've all waited for. The good times are rolling from now on. The angst crap is pretty much over. Follow me on twitter if you want to know why I've been dead on ffn.

Thanks for reading! Leave a note on your way out; I'm okay with anons


	15. Eventually

**CHAPTER FIFTEEN – Eventually.**

Finally! As usual, AN at the bottom.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Enjoy!

**oOo**

**BPOV**

I came back carrying the guitar, barefoot nonetheless, knocking at Edward's door. After my shower, I slipped on a top and sweats. My hair was up in a high ponytail. I was dressed for comfort. The door opened and he stepped to the side, smiling, letting me in.

I plopped down on his black couch, which I was sure I already loved, and sat my guitar on my lap.

"What do we do with this?" I gestured down to my guitar.

He shrugged, walking to the couch, smiling as he went.

"I'm not sure. I don't really have any plans for today."

I tip my head back. "You're not sure? You made me go back and shower and change and then bring my guitar… Because you had nothing planned?" I asked, sarcastically.

He shrugged again, plopping down on the couch next to me, making the cushions tip at his weight.

"Can we just sit here and talk and get warm? And I just want to stare at you and sit with you and laugh silly with you… Bella, you know what I mean."

I smiled, half amused, half appeased. His words were endearing and so incredibly honest. "Sure, why not."

I crossed my legs on the couch and he followed suit.

We were stalling and being stupid and I knew it. Both avoiding a conversation we knew we had to have. Soon. But we were both in a bubble that neither of us were willing to burst. One of us were going to have to do it, and very, very soon.

**oOo **

**EPOV**

She was sitting on my couch. Bella Dwyer was sitting on my couch. It was late at night and I was extremely tired and sleepy after my shift. The past 2 days had been an insane emotional rollercoaster and tonight was going to end with Bella in my arms so it was very well worth it. She leaned into me on the couch and for the past 30 minutes, we'd been talking about the most random things.

I played with the ends of her hair and breathed in her scent, memorizing the curve of her back, molded into my chest. I memorized simple gestures she made, waving her arms all over the place when she described a documentary on factories.

I knew she thought about the real world too. I knew this because she had small pauses in between her speeches. It seemed that she was trying to just coax me into starting the conversation. I'd so far opted not to.

Ignorance is bliss.

But she was braver than me. The girl with the warm skin and the sweet scent and soft hair was braver than me.

She brought up Ben first, asking me on suggestions on how to deal with the situation. I reminded her that she was the one who worked in PR, that she knew how to deal with it far better than I could even think.

The entire time, my brain kept wishing and wishing that she had no feelings for him. I clutched her tighter, to remind her of my presence. That I was here for her. Not him. I was here and with her and I was holding her and reassuring her. Not him.

I knew my girl wasn't stupid. But I doubted anyways.

I stayed quiet as she thought, tracing lines over the trail of ink on my right arm.

It was quiet. We were both consumed by our own thoughts and all I could think of was her. The girl made me feel.

The look in her eyes and the things she said, the heat of her figure and her fingers all over my ink… It was like she was the one thing my life had been lacking. And people say this all the time, that being in love meant that life changed and perspectives changed and that it changes you too. She changed me. She gave me hope in the little things in live. She made me excited again and for the past few months…

She was my happiness. But she was this force I couldn't shelter or protect. I tried my best to be there for her but I couldn't keep her from him. Because she's her own force, her own mind and opinion and decisions. She accepted me and I will always have to remember that accepting me was her choice too.

But I can't keep her. I can't contain her. If she was going to be with me, then it would have to be her choice. I wouldn't leave her, that was for sure. But I couldn't be sure if she thought of me as a constant, as I think of her.

I wanted to tell her a million different things. To admit my feelings, my opinions and ask her to stay. But the guy before me had broken her and we weren't whole pieces. I cannot place my assurance on us either because our lives since now had been separate and content.

I would assure her if I could. I would trust us if I could. But I couldn't because I was a selfish bastard who dared not to risk his own wellbeing. But I knew the truth. I'd tell myself that I wasn't in deep and that I wasn't invested in her but it wouldn't be the truth.

The truth was, this force of a girl can do as she pleases and I'd still care for her. Because no matter what happens now, she was part of my life and she'd changed me. I will always look back to a time where I was hopeful and where life was decent and exciting. I'd still admire her for her strength, her perseverance and her warmth, her selflessness and how I gravitated towards her was the truth.

"Edward?"

"Hm?"

She moved her fingers to clutch my wrist, her small hand barely grasping my arm.

"I'll talk to Ben. We'll have a civil conversation, in public… And I'm going to get everything over with."

I nodded, kissing her hair.

She was a force I couldn't contain, a wind I couldn't direct. I could only hope. And I held her tight because I couldn't be assured. Because I doubted and I was going to assure myself that her warmth on me was a truth. I was going to let her decide.

"Do what you need to, love."

I cleared my throat before I continued.

"How sure are you that he's no longer angry? And how are you going to contact him? Do you want me to go with you? I can, if you want. And-"

She stopped me by turning her head, resting her cheek against my chest.

"He called a few times on my phone, and I'm pretty sure that the 15 voicemails I have are from either him or Alice… I can go alone, but will you take me?"

I nodded. I'd agree to anything this girl asked.

"Of course."

**oOo**

"If anything happens, you speed dial me. Get a seat where it's crowded, preferably by the side window so I can see if anything goes wrong…"

She nodded at my instructions, on her face a look of annoyance.

"Sorry, love. It's just hard for me, that's all."

She nodded again, genuinely this time. "I know."

She took a last look at me and opened the car door, proceeding to cross the street and enter the small bistro.

Here goes.

**oOo**

**BPOV**

It was sunny outside, winter was finally pulling to a close. I was jittery, but completely confident. I knew I'd thought everything through. I had the upper hand. I could do this.

Edward reminded me last night to not be a pushover. I didn't know how he was handling it so well. He wasn't pushing me towards a decision at all. He was supportive and comforting and that on its own coaxed me to make up my mind.

I had my sunglasses on and I dressed well. I knew that if the paparazzi caught us, they absolutely could not see the outing as a parting, as what it really was. They had to see it as another lunch date. They had to be caught off guard, so they had nothing to really publish.

I sat in one of the booths by the window where Edward told me to sit. I took a quick glance out the window and spotted the car. I licked my lips and looked back at the menu to mindlessly scroll while I wait.

I thought of everything I was going to say. In my head, I carefully thought out my sentences, words put together such as that a tone of finality was in them. He had to know that this was it. I wasn't going to be pushed over. He wasn't going to make me move with him.

This was going to be a civil conversation. None of us were going to raise our voices.

When he arrived, he sat down on the chair across from me, his body slamming heavily on the padded seat. He took of his sunglasses and I finally looked up, making eye contact for the first time.

The waitress came by and took our orders. He was smiling for her, for show. I was too. I watched the waitress walk away and type up something into her phone, probably reporting our appearance.

This added a sense of normalcy. But I knew it wasn't normal. This was it.

"So…" His voice brought me out of my thoughts.

I looked at him again. He looked tired, sleepless. I looked calm, composed. I made sure this morning while I got ready.

I smiled weakly. "Hi."

"Hey." He nodded at me.

"I'm so, so, sorry."

I knew this was coming. I said nothing and let him continue. Best to let him get it over with, I guess.

"I didn't know what I was thinking… I got angry and shocked and I overreacted. I hope you're okay… I was a jerk, I'm sorry. I realized that I threatened your position with the company, I'll call Jessica to make sure that you won't lose your job… I understand if you don't want anything to do with me anymore, I mean, I wouldn't if I were you…"

He seemed genuinely baffled. Probably scared that I was going to publish things to the press, making him look bad.

I would never do such a thing.

"No, Ben… I don't want the job at the PR company anymore. Listen, I'm quitting today. I'll call Jessica right after lunch."

The waitress came back with our drink orders and we smiled at her weakly in thanks. I took a small sip of my coke and continued.

"The thing is, we need a way to deal with this 'break-up' as to cause the least attention possible."

He nodded, obviously refusing to argue with me anymore.

"Here's what's going to happen. You're going to go to LA and get with whoever Jessica decides to pair you up with there. I'm going to stay here. By the time the news with you and your new girl are up and running, they're going to realize that the press have nothing to release about me or our break-up."

He frowned, nodding again.

"Okay, Bella. Whatever you ask."

I sighed.

"Don't be stupid, Ben. Say what you mean."

He rubbed his fingers on his temples.

"I don't know how I'm going to deal with another press relationship. And quite honestly, I'm going to miss you."

I sighed again, twirling the straw in my drink.

"You'll be fine." I said with finality.

We ate our food in silence and the entire time, all I could think was that Edward was waiting in the car for me. Worried.

He was waiting. My future was waiting for me. I could not remember the last time I was so enthusiastic and optimistic about the future. I placed my fork down.

"Ben," he continued to play with his food.

"Hey, Ben." He looked up finally.

I took a deep breath and let out in a single breath.

"Don't make this suck."

He frowned in confusion.

"If we look like two depressed people who's dogs got run over in the driveway, the press is going to think something. It's quite possibly my last meal with you, ever. I don't understand completely why you did what you did and I hope to God you never do that to any other girl ever again, but please, please don't make this suck." I pleaded.

He smiled weakly, this time reaching his eyes though. He moved his arm over the table and took my hand in his.

"I'm sorry." He said again.

I nodded. "I know. And it's okay."

I smiled again.

"Ignoring what happened that night, you… You're not a bad friend, Ben. You're not a bad person. You were angry and so was I and we did stupid crap. For what it's worth, I'm sorry too. But you have to promise me that this is it. You can't ask for anything more of me other than this conversation here. Maybe I'll meet you again… who knows. But know that it'll be different then."

He nodded, gripping my hand tighter before letting go.

"I know."

I took a last sip of my drink and picked up my coat.

"You're paying for lunch." I pointed out as I got up. He stayed seating and he looked up at me.

"It's the least I could do."

I slung my bag over my shoulders.

"Bye, Ben."

I leaned over the table and kissed him on the cheek.

That was that.

A chapter of my life, closed. Done. Over.

On a good note too.

I walked to the car across the street, dodging a few questions thrown by the paparazzi, smiling as always.

I sat in the warm car, shrugging off my coat and bag.

I noticed his knuckles first, white, gripping the steering wheel. Then his eyes.

It was full of questions. They were the eyes of a little boy who needed to be reassured. They were not sad eyes, just doubtful.

I nodded at him and then a tear slipped out of my eye.

The last tear I was going to shed for a long time, I promised myself.

"Thank you, Edward."

He nodded. "All good?"

I nodded back.

"Perfect."

He started up the car and we both buckled our seatbelts back up.

"Home?" He asked, a smile on his face.

I slipped my sunglasses back on, thankful for the first time that I was wearing them truly because the sun was out and not because of flashbulbs from cameras…

"Home."

And I reached over, picking up his right hand from the steering wheel, wrapping them around my own and kissing his previously white knuckles.

I saw his smile in my peripheral on the rearview mirror.

There were still things that we had to talk about. And there were still conversations we've yet to have. Where we were now was far from perfect, but closer than before, I guess. That's something to be thankful for.

His fingers played with my own as it sat between both of us.

He was hot cocoa. Warm and sweet, delicate and strong and comforting. The aftertaste was bitter but the taste well worth it. I glanced at the tattoo on his arm, the lines of ink I had memorized. This was his strength, his defenses. This was one that I had memorized. Strength in his flesh, strong enough for us both.

He was real and he sat next to me and I barely ever understood fate and destiny until now. I'm not sure if I believed it but I now know it to be plausible.

Two hands that fit together so perfectly, they were seemingly created from one mold.

At a red light, I looked at his eyes again, twinkling as he looked into mine. I move the hand clutching his to his face, feeling his skin tremble as he breathed.

This was the spark I was looking for, the spark I yearned. The fireworks, the warmth, the glow. I pulled his lips to mine and it was slow and smooth and comforting. An overwhelming breath of air.

His hand went to my hair and we breathed each other.

I think it's finally eventually now.

Finally.

**oOo**

**AN:**

Aww! Finally, right?

Sorry I took so long, but apologies are overrated, hopefully this chapter makes up for my (almost) year long absence. This chapter will be completed this summer, I promise. Be sure to follow my twitter account for updates (lemonschlemon).

I now thank the usual. RosAlice22 who I love dearly. And every other person who've followed this from the start and is relieved I didn't die. HAHA okay, sorry, bad joke.

Leave a review if you please, but thank you for visiting and reading.

I'll see you all soon! :D

- Michelle


	16. Motion

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN – Motion.**

AN at the bottom, like always. I own nothing either.

Enjoy!

oOo

_**January 24**__**th**_

BPOV

He held my hand in his, tight, clutching. He didn't let go as he uses the other the lock his car. He didn't let go when he pushed back the heavy doors. He didn't let go when we saw Charlie. He didn't let go when Charlie stared down at our joined hands, fingers, palms.

"Charlie!" He let go of my hand as I hugged Charlie, and then pulled it back to his grasp as soon as I let go.

"Where have you been?" I asked.

He shrugged and spoke offhandedly. "I was at the hospital."

I gasped, surprised. "Charlie!" I struggled to breathe and Edward clutches on tighter. "What happened?"

"I had cardiac complications. Had to stay there for a bit… It's hereditary, it was going to happen sooner or later…"

I shook my head, staring at the man I saw as a father. A constant comfort and relief. I looked at him more closely and he did look thinner, his cheeks more hollowed out and his eyes, tired.

Edward piped in. "What did they prescribe you? Did they give you any dietary instructions? They should. Have you been following them?"

He chuckles lightly, taking a seat behind the small desk.

"They did, Ed. Don't worry. No fats allowed, stuff like that." He waved his hands around and offered a generous grin. His hand found my arm and gripped it tightly.

"I'm alright."

I nodded and smiled at him. "Sorry, Charlie. I'm just worried, that's all."

There was a small pause in our conversation and Charlie looked back at the space between Edward and I. He took both his arms and stretched them behind his head, his hands clasped on the back of his head.

"So…" He began.

Edward laughed softly and lifted our joined hands so that they'd peek over the top of his desk. He gave it an affirming squeeze and, gesturing to it, said, "we're giving this thing a try…"

I laughed also, almost instinctively and dropped my head to rest on the side of Edward's arm. After we watched as he approved with a nod and another small chuckle, I let go of Edward's hand and moved behind Charlie's desk to hug him again. He patted my back lightly and reassured me that he was fine.

"Healthy as a horse, Bells."

I whispered into his shoulder, promising that I'd make him healthy oatmeal cookies. He tapped me on the back again and let go.

"Go on, you both. Get upstairs. Leave me alone, now." Charlie said good-naturedly, plopping back down in his swivel chair.

I took Edward's hand again, and smiling to Charlie, pressed the elevator button and into our apartments.

_**January 27**__**th**_

He rolled up his sleeves, pointing to another piece. Ink embedded in skin. This was how he marked his milestones, his phases.

I wondered quietly if I'd make it to be part of his skin. Permanent. Art. Life, beauty, glorified.

"I got this one right next to a birthmark. Just to remind me that my real parents were out there, or at least, they once were."

I traced my finger over the small black drawing of a fawn. When I was done, I folded my hands and urged him to go on, nudging his arm lightly with my knee.

We were sitting on my couch, Claire at our feet. We were spending the night in, accompanied by some music and boxes of Chinese take out.

I found it fascinating, how he symbolized things. How he turned memories and phases, rite of passages to drawings. Ones he put into his skin. So that it wasn't just an emotional part of him, but physical too.

On his ribs, he had a large piece. It was a black and white drawing of a rod, entwined with a serpent.

I looked up at him and before I could speak to ask, he spoke.

"The rod of Asclepius. The Greek god of medicine and healing. I got it done a couple of days after I took the Hippocratic Oath."

I realized that this was his way of letting me in. His way of telling me that he trusted me with his stories, with the things that made him who he was.

I slung both of my arms on his shoulders, placing a kiss on his lips. Because the significance of some things can't be put into words.

_**January 30**__**th**_

Alice and I sat in the middle of the bar, with an undisturbed view of the stage. The air was hazy, just like last time, vision clouded by cigarette smoke. The bar was packed full, as any Friday night in any bar in town. I clutched a cold beer in my hands as it rested on the small table.

Alice was bouncing in her seat, jittery with excitement. She had a girly drink on the table and her legs were swinging under the table, occasionally bumping into mine. I sighed and smiled softly, inhaling the bar's cloudy air. The night was going perfectly.

"I _cannot_ believe my brother's never even mentioned his gigs…"

I turned to her, eyebrows raised. She looked at me in question, yelping out an offended, "what?"

I shrugged. "Alice, you would've dragged all your girlfriends and your parents and made a big deal about everything… Heck, I wasn't even supposed to know."

It was her turn to raise her eyebrows this time. When I stayed quiet she kicked me under the table and I grunted in pain. Rolling my eyes, I gave her a condensed version of the night I ran into him here.

Alice had already known about my job, well, my previous job. She said she already somewhat knew since I never looked happy enough to have thought that a fight for a relationship like that was worth it. I was glad for her though. She didn't judge and let me cry about my stupid decisions some more, and then got us drunk at her apartment that night, too much cheap vodka, pizza and ice cream in our system.

Jasper soon made his appearance, kissing Alice on the cheek as a hello and hugged me lightly. He took a seat, also facing the stage.

Edward was going to show up later, unbeknownst to him that Alice and Jasper were there. They found out the other day when I had them over for dinner and I mentioned it in passing to Edward when I asked him what time his gig was. He didn't answer, instead, making crazy hand signals, gesturing to Alice. She'd heard and grilled me about it in the morning, forcing me to tell her.

Edward was not going to be happy. But he was going to do his gig, I knew this. He'd promised. A tiny redhead at the bar named Arlene had taken a liking to him and said that he could have 2 songs the next time he dropped by. I didn't know whether or not he was going to take up the offer but he'd been looking forward to the gig for the past few weeks.

My phone buzzed in my pocket and I pulled it out of my jeans pocket.

_Why is pixie and her cowboy here? – E._

I pursed my lips and tried to casually look for his figure in the back of the bar, looking in the crowd of people by the door. I saw his head of hair, thank goodness for his height.

I typed back a response.

_Allie made me tell… Sorry :( - B._

My phone didn't buzz again and I was starting to worry if he was angry. I looked around the bar again when Alice and Jasper were talking. I spotted him again, he was by the bar, chugging down what looked like a shot of some drink. He proceeded to move by the stage and behind the thick curtains.

I typed in a quick good luck text to him, sure that he would see it before he got on. Then I reached over and tapped Alice's arm with my beer bottle, gesturing to the stage.

"He should be up soon."

She jumped around some more and Jasper's arm pressed down on the back of her chair, trying to make sure she didn't fall over.

I laughed at their antics and turned back to the stage, waiting for Edward.

Arlene showed up at the stage, practically sprinting to the mic and after hushing the cheering crowd, introduced Edward. I clapped my hands and cheered, calling out his name like an excited fan in the crowd. I looked over to Jasper and Alice and found that they were doing the same.

I was reminded of the first time I saw him here, the first time I saw him on the stage. The same stool was set in the center, the same lights… It felt all too similar and familiar but yet different. I sat next to people I loved and loved me back. It was a different situation too… Things were much, much better now.

He sat on the stool, his guitar strap already around his shoulder. He positioned the instrument on his lap and adjusted the microphone stand. The crowd was a quiet, hushed murmur.

He cleared his throat and spoke softly, his voice throaty and velvety smooth at the same time.

"As was last time, the song's for Elizabeth Bennett." My heart swelled. He paused, and found my eyes in the crowd. I could see that he was contemplating saying something else, he didn't. He cleared his throat again and continued. "This song's called Lightness."

Everyone erupted into another round of applause and quieted back down when he started strumming lightly.

_There's a tear in the fabric of your favorite dress_

_And I'm sneaking glances._

His eyes dropped closed and his foot tapped lightly on the ground. I watched him as I did that night. Small movements in his lips, small twitches in his eyelids.

_Looking for the patterns in static_

_They start to make sense the longer I'm at it._

The crowd cheered and I clapped my hands quietly and my eyes didn't move.

_Ivory lines lead_

_Ooh whoah-oh, ooh whoah-oh_

His eyes opened again and he looked to the crowd. His fingers were picking at the strings now and the song grew softer. His eyes found mine again and he looked at me as he sang.

_Oh, instincts are misleading_

_You shouldn't think what you're feeling_

_They don't tell you what you know you should want_

His eyes dropped closed again as the crowd cheered. I was calling out his name and cupped my palms around my mouth as I called out his name. Alice was doing the same and Jasper was shaking his head, smiling as he clapped.

He whispered a hushed thank you to the crowd and ran a hand through his hair, getting up and walking off the stage briskly. Another singer came up on the stage and the shows went on.

I felt him before I saw him, the familiar tingling and jittery feeling washed over me as he neared before sitting down on the chair next to me.

I leaned over to give him a kiss, softly brushing my lips against his. "You did great." I whispered against his lips. He gave me another chaste peck, smiling into the kiss.

"Hey, hey, break it up, you two!" Jasper's drawl broke us apart and our table was one filled with cheesy grins and genuine happiness.

We ordered a few more drinks and two plates of fried pickles to go with everything. The performances lasted well into the night and our laughter and conversation was wrapped around the music we had in the background.

Sometime before the night ended, Jasper cleared his throat and clutched Alice's hand on the table. Edward's hand on my knee stopped rubbing in soft circles. He knew what was up.

I looked around frantically at Edward and back at Jasper and Alice.

"I've asked for Alice's hand in marriage. The love of my life said yes."

I jumped out of my seat, quickly standing up and hugging Alice, forcing Jasper to let go of her hand. Somewhere in the corner of my eyes, Edward and Jasper did some brotherly-man-clap thing and I jumped around in my place hugging Alice, squealing. The crowd of people around us cheered also and yelled out a few congratulations.

After we calmed ourselves down, Jasper cleared his throat again.

"What, is she pregnant? Are you pregnant, J? Twins?" I teased them both.

Jasper laughed along but didn't continue. Alice reached out to clutch my hand and gripped it.

Alice's voice was soft but steady.

"We're moving to Chicago."

_**February 5**__**th**_

Alice's wedding was a day after Valentine's. Of course, of course. She'd excitedly told me one night how it was entirely for convenience.

Sadly, I was inconvenienced.

Edward and I were going to celebrate our first Valentine's day with John Hughes movies and sitting in with his puppy Claire in our pajamas. Instead, I've spent the past week in Chicago, voluntarily offering my time and energy away from Edward to help her plan her wedding.

It was such short notice but Alice made it work. As her bridesmaid, my job was to plan her a bachelorette party and attempt to keep her sane. It was difficult.

She suffered a few small breakdowns during the week. I understood it, I mean, she hadn't even grown accustomed to the idea that she was engaged, let alone get married in less than a week.

I adored her tenacity though. She knew she was going to be a February bride. She didn't tell me how or why she even had the idea, leaving me to just be there for her.

Edward and I spent Valentine's day mostly texting and we spent hours on the phone talking. Multiple threats to Alice was made but we took them all back before the sun rose.

It was Alice's wedding day and everything passed in a blur. I sat on the bed in the hotel room, listening to her rant as she got her make up done. She was babbling off various complaints and minor imperfections in the décor but everything was dealt with easily.

She was worried and I was so glad I wasn't her. She had on the most beautiful gown and was going to marry the love of her life in a few hours but I would not trade places with her… Even thoughts of walking down the aisle and possibly tripping scared me half to death.

"…I mean, this is good preparation, Bella." She babbled in a knowing tone.

"Preparation?"

Alice shrugged nonchalantly, "I mean, you know what my brother feels about you…"

I smiled at her, looking at her reflection in the mirror.

"There's still a long time til then, Allie."

She turned around in her seat and looked at me, annoying the make up artist and hairstylist crowded around her.

She raised her eyebrows at me as a challenge.

"Just you wait, Bella."

oOo

I watched as Alice and Jasper exchanged their vows. I saw them look at each other lovingly. I watched them clutch each other's hands like lifelines. I watched Jasper lift Alice's veil. I watched as they took their first kiss as man and wife.

I watched Edward's face in the crowd as he watched them. I saw his eyes water like mine did. I was going to tease him a little for that. I watched as he searched for my eyes to see how I was reacting only to meet mine watching him. He looked at me knowingly, just as Alice did before. We smiled softly to each other, our eyes still watery from unshed tears.

Alice was going to be right again.

We danced at the reception as cheesy songs played in the background. Edward held me close, our bodies barely moving, just swaying softly side to side. I had one arm on his strong shoulders and my other hand on his chest. My cheek laid flat to the lapels of his tuxedo jacket.

"You look beautiful, Bella."

I looked up at him, teasingly.

"Eddie, baby, I always do…" Shaking my head.

His shoulders moved as he laughed quietly. He moved his lips to my ear to whisper.

"Don't call me that. And yes, you always do."

I laughed into his shirt and tie, pressed flat and smelling softly of him.

"Thank you."

I looked up at him the same time he looked down at me, and we kissed for the first time in a week. Our lips moving as if nothing had changed, as if we didn't live the past 6 days apart, missing each other terribly.

"I've missed you too much." My voice quivered, and I found myself weak again.

"Don't leave me again."

I nodded, placing a soft kiss to his jaw.

"Never."

_**February 20**__**th**_

I stood in the kitchen, sipping from my mug of hot cocoa. I was looking at Phil and Edward, sitting together on my couch.

Unreal.

My mom and Phil were visiting for a few days. My mom nudged me with her elbow and sat her mug down on the counter next to mine.

"He's a cutie."

I looked at my mom and rolled my eyes at her, before we both burst out into giggles. I picked up my mug again and nodded at Renee's earlier statement, still trying to stifle the laughter. The tip of my forefinger traced at the mug's handle mindlessly as I continued to watch Edward and Phil.

Phil was far from being a father to me. But he was still family. It was a role he took by default. I was glad that he's never been pushy. He just made sure he was around for my mom and I. He was good for her. He kept her grounded, made her happy. Happier than she's been for a long time.

Claire then hopped off from the couch, seemingly bored at the lack of attention she was getting from Edward and jogged towards me. The action made Edward turn around, following Claire's path and then our eyes met.

I was such a sap these days, doubting my ability to hold my own. No, I knew I could still be independent if I made myself. If I forced myself to be. But there was no reason to be. He'd taken away any reason for me to doubt him, and hence also taking away any reason for me to be detached. Instead, I found myself dependent on him, invested in who we were and who we could be.

I leaned down to scoop up Claire into my arms, stroking her for a bit before I set her back down next to my feet.

I looked back up to find that Edward was still looking at me. I smiled at him, genuine, big and bright.

My mom nudged me again, her eyebrows raised.

I smiled at her too, raising my mug to meet my lips, leaning my head to rest on her shoulder.

It was enough of an answer.

_**March 20**__**th**_

EPOV

I stroked her hair softly, soothingly. She had her hair in my lap, her torso stretched out over my couch. My other hand played with the hem of the afghan covering her. It was raining outside, a small drizzle, leaving the air thick and misty.

"I can't believe Charlie's gone."

I felt another tear drop onto the fabric of my pants, leaving the patch cold and wet. Nodding, I continued to stroke her hair.

"Me neither."

oOo

"Hey," I whispered, sitting up slowly. Having fallen asleep in my clothes, my jeans were twisted around my knees, stiff and tight. Bella looked at me, tiredly, her eyes swollen and her cheeks clouded by dark circles. I stood up from the couch and moved to unwind the wrinkles in my pants, walking over to where she sat on the kitchen stool.

I kissed her on the forehead, gently, and walked down the hall to use the bathroom. I washed my face and gargled some mouthwash, trying to shake away the last bits of sleep from my body.

When I came back, she was sitting on the couch with Claire next to her, her cheek leaning against her folded knees. I sat next to her, brushing away the hair around her face, the tangled mess of soft brown strands.

She moved to prop her chin up on her knees and shot me a weak look. I knew I looked the same way. She moved again, her movements slow and dragging, wrapping her hands around my waist, resting her cheek to my stomach. She wasn't crying anymore.

And I knew. I knew that this was her way of letting me mourn too. That it was my turn. And I did. She rubbed small circles on my arm and I cried for the loss of the man who made us both feel safe.

_**April 9**__**th**__**, Spring**_

BPOV

I folded away the last pieces of clothing I had lying around the apartment, walking around the small, bare space with a roll of duct tape on my wrist and a sharpie in between my teeth. I taped up the last of the boxes, uncapping the sharpie to label them. I gathered a few toiletries from my sink, my toothbrush and its holder. I clicked off the lights in the rooms for the last time. I picked up the guitar case from the corner, making sure to take it with me.

Boxes.

My life was in boxes. Everything that could possibly define me and who I was. In boxes. I was taking my identity with me. Sure, a few things were thrown out, but I had everything I'd need. I was going to take them. I wasn't leaving who I was, rather, I was leaving behind the person the city had made me.

I breathed in a few deep breaths of the air, trying to memorize the nonexistent scent. With Alice and Charlie gone, there was no reason to stay.

Edward finished his last year of residency. He accepted the job in Chicago. We were moving.

The biggest step, quite possibly, for an adult. It was a rite of passage. Springs in Chicago were famous for being beautiful… I was bursting with anxiety. The excitement of moving, the thrill. The feeling of freedom and yet fear, because so many things could go wrong.

I heard knocks from the door, the last sounds to be made and heard from this same door, to this same space. I opened the door and Edward moves in, picking up the last few boxes and setting them down to a trolley. When he finished, I left the door unlocked, clicking the lights on and the room was engulfed in darkness.

I breathed in another deep breath.

I stepped into the elevator, my hand holding the doors opened as Edward rolled in the trolley.

We were moving down the elevator for the last time.

The last time.

I leaned into one of the walls and reached out for Edward's hand, his fingers quickly wrapping around mine. He looked at me, leaning in and kissing me, shuddering out a shaky breath.

"I'll miss this place."

I looked into his eyes again, a few tears threatening to fall from my eyes.

I knew he understood what I was thinking. That this same elevator brought us together. That I had to go through a terrible relationship to understand it. That we went through all of our firsts in this same elevator, this same building. He understood why I was close to tears. He understood the significance.

I pulled him close to me and I let his arms wrap around me.

_**April 10**__**th**_

The apartment was quiet, dark. We stood around boxes of things yet to be unpacked. The entire day was spent letting in movers, hauling in new pieces of furniture.

I sighed, leaning on one of the tower of boxes that stood against the wall. He moved out of the bathroom, drying his wet hands on his jeans.

"Love, we've got to start unpacking."

I laughed, he moved closer to me and holds me. I followed his eyes and we stared out the window, the city's lights bright and twinkling in the distance.

I moved slowly, placing a soft kiss on his neck. "I think it's time."

His hands moved away from me, making me turn and look at him. His eyes were questioning, unsure.

"Are you sure? Love, there's no pressure, I told you. Everything at your pace."

We were going to live together. Although this wasn't the only reason, it was the one that made up my mind.

So I nodded, "It's perfect."

His hands found the sides of my face, his lips peppering soft kisses on lips, gradually moving down my face. His hands then moved, catching me under my knees and gently lowering me down the mattress we had placed on the floor. Our temporary makeshift bed. He lay down beside me, leaning over me, his lips hovering, touching. Barely touching. Our movements were slow, instinctive, soft.

I moved to kiss him and he held me in place. His breathing and the warmth moved over my skin. I moaned softly, almost an exhale. I had goose bumps wherever his skin met mine.

We moved, breathed and my tongue slipped across his lips, into his mouth. His tongue pulled at it, a soft welcome. His hand slid under my shirt, firm against my back and then pulling it off over my head. My hands moved in a frenzy, making quick work of his jeans, although there really was no rush at all.

My legs moved between his once my shorts were off. Barely any layers separated us and friction and heat was all that existed. Edward ghosted his hands over my exposed sides, soft little hairs on my skin standing up on end, slipping off my bra. His hands moving across my skin, across everything.

Our hands were hungry, claiming every new patch of skin we exposed. We moved, twisting, pulling, caressing. Soon enough, we were skin to skin and there was nothing left separating us, no barrier.

oOo

**A/N:**

Whoah. Longest chapter yet, and it's finally here. One chapter left. One last time to assert your thoughts on how to end this thing.

Thank you to all who's gone with me on this insane, insane venture to the FF world of this fandom. I can't tell you for sure whether or not I'll write again, but I know I'll miss it so much. That was part one of the epilogue, wait for the second :)

RosAlice22 – Thank you. Enough said. (insert heart emoticon here)

The last chapter should be up before August. Give me a couple of weeks. Leave me a review, if you will. Thank you for reading, everyone!

- Michelle.


	17. Epilogue

CHAPTER SEVENTEEN – Epilogue

oOo

BPOV

"Bella, where'd you put the new pack of air fresheners?"

I stayed put in my place on the couch, sitting lengthwise with my ankles crossed. "They should be under the sink."

I listened as Edward rummaged around in the kitchen and I flipped over to the next page in the magazine.

"Bella… You bought _these_ ones?"

I looked up from the page I was inspecting and saw Edward in the doorway of the living room. He held up the pack of air fresheners in his hand. I frowned. "What's wrong with them? Do they smell bad?"

"Love… They're mini guitars."

I blinked and continued to look at the pack of air fresheners. "So?"

"They're little plastic guitar air fresheners… That's why."

I shut the magazine, "well, you play the guitar… I thought they were appropriate." I shrugged.

He let out a laugh, his hand dropping to his side. "Is this payback for accidentally bleaching that load of clothes last week?"

I smiled, "whatever do you mean? I thought my white shirts did have a tie-dye pattern on them." I opened the magazine again, scanning the article.

"There's a real pack in the TV cabinet but I hate air fresheners… They give you cancer."

He laughed, dropping the pack onto the coffee table before rummaging through the TV cabinet. "I thought I was the doctor here."

He got up from his hunches and I didn't have to look up to know that he was smiling. "Love, what the heck are you reading?"

A coy smile played on my lips. "I found one of your old Playboys when I was unpacking… Actually I found a few but I took one out for right now." I opened up the magazine at the centerfold shot of a blonde and danced it from side to side in the air.

"I bet you read them for the articles, don't you?"

He let out a nervous laugh, his cheek tinged a slight pink. "Those are years old, just throw them away…"

I turned the picture back to face me. "But why?"

"I'm serious, I enjoy the articles. Okay, listen to this. Dolly here loves to take pictures and walking on the beach. Very interesting."

He chuckled behind me and disappeared back into the kitchen, undoubtedly embarrassed and trying to quickly end the conversation. I closed the magazine and tossed it to land next to the pack of air fresheners.

oOo

I moved around the new kitchen, still having open a few drawers to check for the contents, not having them memorized yet. Edward wrapped his arms around my waist as I was slicing the chicken to thin slices.

"Bella…"

I bit at my bottom lips, "Edward…"

He dropped his chin to sit on my shoulder, his lips right by my ear.

"I love you."

I turned around, dropping the knife on the chopping board. Unable to move from my place as his arms were on the counter, around my sides, I raised my clean hand and flattened the palm against his chest to push him away. Avoiding his gaze the entire time and yet I still knew that he was watching me, wide eyed.

"Bella?"

"Take it back." My hands sat on the edge of our new dining table.

"What?"

I shook my head in response, hung low, my chin grazing my chest.

"Why would I take it back?"

I shook my head again, my eyes narrowed at the wooden finish of the table.

"Because it's a lie."

"Hell no!"

"You can't love me, Edward. You can't." My hands gripped at the edge of the table. "Take it back, Edward. Please." I turned around as he walked towards me. "Just take it back…"

He shook his head, just as stubbornly as I did before. "No."

"I won't take it back. I love you. I _love _you. Don't tell me it's a lie. It hurts me to hear you tell me that what I feel is a lie. Do you want to know why?"

My hands gripped at the table again at my sides, feeling cornered. His arms trapped me in place again as they clasped over mine on the table. My throat was dry and I had to force myself to answer. "Why?"

"Because I've loved you for a while now. Because I know that if it wasn't anything, then it would've blown over. Because you make me insane. Insanely happy, thrilled, scared… Because life is indefinable without you. Because I know I need you."

He gripped tighter over my hands. "Because I know you love me too."

I forced out a rough, sharp scoff, trying my hardest to stay tough. To stay hardened. "How could you possibly know that? Is that on one of my pages that you claim is so easy for you to read?"

He leaned closer to me, his green eyes dark, his jaw clenching. "I see it too. I see it all over your face, I hear it when you call my name… I _feel_ it."

I hit out at him with a clenched fist, just like that night I tried to fight him away in the elevator. My other fist followed. "Damn it!" He was quick to block out the blows of my punches, catching my wrists one by one and pressed them to his chest. "Edward…" I shook my head as it hung low.

My knees turned into mush and my body crumbled soon after. He caught me and gathered me up against his chest, lowering himself to the floor and cradled me, my legs slung over his lap. He moved slowly, his body rocking us both.

"Bella?" His hands found my back, stroking it as his lips continued to press kisses on my head. "Say something, love. Anything…"

"I cant keep doing this to myself, Edward."

"What?"

I felt as his muscles stiffened against me, and I forced my eyes to stay frozen looking down at my lap. I didn't answer him. I instead reached up and my hand found the back of his neck and my lips brushed his.

He pulled away, his green eyes looking down at me in concern. "Bella?"

I traced the features of his face, concentrating heavily on the corners of his mouth. I wanted to tell him so much at that very moment, to tell him exactly that I was giving up by admitting my feelings to him. I wanted to let him know that I denied it, not because I didn't know it, but because I was afraid. Because I couldn't be completely dependent. Because I couldn't get hurt and I had to make sure that at least, he was detached, so that he wouldn't get hurt too. But I didn't say anything. I simply brushed his lips with my fingers then brought them to my own lips.

"Love, please." He licked his lips. "Say something."

I smiled softly, letting him know that I was okay. My palm flattened across his chest again and I could feel his heartbeat underneath my hand, the thumps wild and erratic.

"I love you too."

oOo

My eyes opened and I saw Edward raise an eyebrow at me in greeting, his phone pressed to his ear.

"Hey, mom," he answered. Sitting back down on the bed, his hand rested on my knee and I easily wrap one arm around his waist, pulling myself up to sit on the bed. I could hear his mom's voice over the phone in soft murmurs, unable to make out any words. I placed a soft kiss to the back of his neck and he pulled his head away, glaring at me for distracting him. I grinned and he returned it quickly.

"Things are great," his reply to hear came out in a short sigh. He relaxed again into my touch and I wondered what it'd be like when my mom called to ask me how things were. I'd tell her what I told her when she visited. That things are perfect. As good as it was ever going to get.

"Yes, the hospital's fine," he said. I'd almost forgotten about that. He was placed in the pediatric ward, a huge change to his previous spot in Seattle.

"I know," he replied to something else. I felt his shoulders tense underneath my arm and I ran my hands across his stomach. Slowly, he lifted the phone away from his ear to glare at me some more but I plucked the phone from his hand without much thought.

"Esme?" I said into the phone. She stopped talking mid sentence and I realized that this wasn't the best idea. I didn't think it through at all.

"Bella?" she asked and I did a little happy dance, glad that she remembered my name. That probably meant he talked about me, right? Edward pulled away in shock and leaned back on his elbow, watching me with a confused look on his face.

"Hi, how are you doing?" I asked, just because I didn't know what else to say.

"I'm fine, dear. How are you?" she answers politely and I pick at the hem of my shirt absentmindedly.

"Great. Just trying to decide where to go for dinner." I lifted my eyes to look at Edward again and he smiled at me in what seemed like an offer for comfort.

"Oh, the life before your calories really catch up with you," Esme sighs and I could almost hear her smile through the phone. I laughed and I tossed my feet to rest on Edward's folded knees. He caught one of them and I try to kick it out of his grasp.

"Well it was a toss up between eating out or eating whatever Edward was going to feed me," I said. It was mostly for Edward's benefit but Esme laughs nonetheless and I felt proud. I was winning her over.

"He always was a fantastic cook. So when are you both coming down here so I can cook for you?" And the phone almost slips from my grasp. The combination of Edward's parents and that question and Edward tickling at the base of my foot almost stopped my heart.

I plead with Edward with my eyes for help but he smirked, not knowing what Esme just said, and his hands continued to trace patterns on my foot lightly, tickling it and driving me insane.

"I, um, I'm not sure. You'd have to ask Edward about that." I wriggle my way out of her question and attempt to wriggle my foot from his grasp. She scoffed and I swallow hard, trying to hold back laughter and in anxiety of her answer.

"If things were left up to him, you'd both have four children and a house in Chicago before we meet." That was where I almost die. I choked on my own spit. I was sure Edward found it appealing as I gasped and struggled to keep my noises down.

Edward finally released my foot and was right next to me, rubbing my back as I tried to breathe. Heck, he was a doctor? Wasn't he supposed to know how choking worked?

He kissed my shoulder and I take deep breaths, still shaking from her question and my lack of air.

Kids?

"Are you okay, dear?" Esme's voice broke my silence and I placed the phone back to my ear.

"Yeah, yeah I'm here." I offer. Edward chuckled next to me and handed me a glass of water.

"Sunday, alright? You both come by for dinner. Don't worry about bringing anything but my son." She orders. I had no chance and nodded mutely.

"Sounds great," I lied. It sounded terrifying. She chirped a goodbye and after a whisper for a reply, I pulled the phone back from my ear and stared down at it, the screen turning black after a few seconds.

Edward kissed my shoulder. Then my neck, moving up to my face.

"Trying to distract me?"

"Of course. Is it working?"

"I'm terrified."

"Don't worry. We don't have to think about that until Saturday night."

I nodded. "Yeah."

oOo

"Edward…"

"I know, love. I know." He sat up and his arms wrapped around me, his face pressed to the crook between my neck and shoulder. He sighed as I moved my hips. "I love you."

His hands flattened across my back and held me closer to him, his body moving in a pace that matched mine.

My hands found his hair, tugging lightly at the soft strands and I sighed. My eyes closed and my grip on him tightened, knuckles white and muscles tense.

"Don't ever leave. Don't…" His voice cracked, he paused before continuing. "I can't live without you."

I felt tears appear in the corners of my eyes at his words. At the truth of his words. At the grittiness, the honesty. My emotions made my heart swell beyond control and I exploded, the waves taking me over completely and I let the tears fall as my entire body shook.

"Love, don't cry…"

I tightened my hold around his neck. "No!", I pulled him closer. "Don't, please. Just…. Please, just keep making love to me. Please…"

He pulled back lightly and I loosened my grip to meet my eyes, his hand reaching up to brush away the tears from my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs, movements halting temporarily. "Don't cry, love. I love you. I never want to be the reason you cry."

I shook my head, strands my hair falling out of its bun at the top of my head.

"I'm crying because I love you. Because I've never felt anything like this." The embarrassment sank in and I buried my face into his shoulder, digging at his chest. "I need, I need you to…"

Without another word, he rolled us on the bed. It didn't take long after that for us to both find the release we needed and I held him, long after the heat and the tremors faded from both our bodies. Slowly, it was replaced by comfortable warmth and soft movements of our chests as we slowed down our breathing. I sighed, my head tipped back lightly.

oOo

"Love…"

I chuckled lightly but I didn't move or open my eyes, feeling Edward brush his lips across the top of my shoulder.

"Love, you've got to get up. We need to pick up my aunt and uncle from the airport."

"Shut up and go back to sleep," I said lazily. He bit my shoulder and with a smile, I turned in his arms, opening my eyes to gaze up at him.

"Do I have to?"

Edward smiled back and bent to kiss me again, his right arm still cradling my head.

"No. We can forget to pick them up, stay in bed all day and eat Doritos. We can even watch a few episodes of daytime Soaps." He chuckled as I wiggled my nose in disagreement.

"That's what I thought. Now get up, jump in the shower. We've got things to do."

I groaned again. "You think they'll notice if we didn't show up?"

He chuckled again. "Love, come on. I'll make you some coffee."

"But I don't want coffee." My hand rested on his chest. "I want you."

"You've got me." He kissed me again. "But we've also got to go and see them. So, up you go."

I pouted at him and out of spite, I remained perfectly still.

"I'm completely terrified about this and all you want to do is kick me out of bed…"

He let out a hearty laugh, his white teeth peeking up between his lips.

"I love you so much, even if you are a little minx sometimes."

I scoffed. "A minx you keep trying to push out of bed."

Recognizing the teasing look I was shooting at him, Edward rolled his eyes playfully. His free arm shifting so that he could press a hand against my stomach, his thumb stroking the skin there. "There's nothing I'd like more than to keep you in this bed… For the next century or so."

"Maybe I need some incentive."

"Incentive?" I nodded. He was grinning but I could see the hint of seriousness in his eyes. "Close your eyes."

I eyed him, squinting at him teasingly before I closed my eyes completely, scrunching them tight down for emphasis.

"This better be a really good incentive," I joked and frowned when I felt the bed shift as he stepped off. The bed dipped again as his weight returned a few minutes later, his touch returning.

I felt his fingers slide slowly off my stomach but my frown deepened as a small steady weight remained.

"You can open your eyes now."

I kept them closed. "I'm not sure that's safe…"

Edward laughed lightly and I felt his lips brush against my cheek, barely grazing. "Bella, open your eyes, love."

I opened my right eye first and then my left, my gaze slowly focusing on the small black box positioned on my stomach. I didn't move, continuing to stare at the box as if it was going to disappear.

"This wasn't how I planned to do this," Edward scratched at the scruff on his chin. "I had it perfectly thought out but I realized that I really didn't want to wait that long…" He cleared his throat.

"I love you, Bella. There's no one else in the world that I want to be with. I'm done searching because I know you're it."

I moved my gaze back to the box, still staring at it in shock. "Edward…"

"I want you to marry me. I want to make you my wife." His eyes watched my face. "Spend the rest of your life with me. Marry me, Bella."

My breath caught in my throat. "I… I don't know what to say."

His hand moved to tuck a small piece of hair behind my ear. "Say yes."

I shifted my gaze back to his face.

"Are you sure?"

He laughed at me quietly, his fingers grazing my cheek. "I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life."

Not even caring where the box fell, I sat up, my fingers clasping at the back of his neck and I pulled him down to kiss him. One kiss turned into two, and then three and when I finally pulled away, I was smiling so widely, my jaws were hurting.

"I'm taking that as a yes?"

My grin turned into a laugh. "Yes." I nodded. "Yes."

He grinned and bent down to kiss me again, only pulling away to grab the box before it rolled off the bed. My eyes went back to the box as he flipped it open, my eyes widening at the ring nestled inside the velvet lining.

It was simple. A shiny, platinum ring that held a square diamond stone.

"I hope you like it… Heck, I hope it fits." And it does. The ring slid on my finger effortlessly, fitting perfectly.

"I love it." My eyes were glued to the ring, my mind swimming with thoughts I couldn't begin to process. For the longest time, I fought the simple act of blinking, as if it would disappear. I let out a soft sigh.

"Love, what is it?"

I looked back into Edward's eyes.

"Now I really don't want to get out of bed."

oOo oOo oOo

They sit on the balcony, looking out at the skyline of the city. The small French balcony has barely any space and barely fit them as they sat Indian style, drinking coffee at dawn. The sun's rising over the buildings in the distance, the glass of the structures glinting the light from the sun, appearing to glow at the edges.

Bella leans against the railing of the balcony, her shoulder wedges in between the little bars. Edward has one hand on her knee, the other one clutching a mug of coffee, his legs pressing against the metal railings. He starts to think of their life together.

He knows that they'd never have that moment again exactly, but that they could and will have others. He imagines as they'd wake up in their small apartment in Chicago, sipping coffee in little street cafes in Paris and Italy and the love of his life in a white dress, beautiful as ever.

They will start first with the apartment, furnishing and organizing, making sure that it was collectively his and hers. And later they'll have fights and arguments, sheltered in the walls of their apartment and outside, in the streets. Arguments fueled by their love for one another, because they were stubborn and insisting. But she was it for him. He knows this. He'll never seek for anything else, anyone else.

He wants to tell her a million different things, to utter to her the things unfolding in his mind, the images of their future. He wants to admit mistakes and utter his hopes and wishes. But right now, nothing else really matters.

Because this moment in Chicago as they sip on lukewarm coffee in the small balcony… This is perfect. He isn't going to tamper with it. Alter it. Change it. This moment is what it is, and he makes sure to remember to cherish everything he will go through, because moments like this cannot be repeated.

"How did you plan to do it?"

His face turns, to look at hers. The small strands of her hair moving in the wind lightly and the edges glowed in the dim sunlight. He takes a sip of his coffee.

"To do what?"

She pulls the blanket tighter over her shoulder. "To propose."

He chuckles and begins to trace patterns on the skin of her knee.

"I planned a trip back to Seattle on the anniversary of Charlie's passing. I'd do a gig and then propose to you on stage."

She laughs lightly, her mind picturing how that would've turned out.

"Really? It would be a like a chick flick. And then we'd get drunk and Arlene would cry and rush home and then we'd get naked and frisky..."

They both erupted into laughter as the sun continues to rise over the horizon, more light shedding on them than before, making more things visible, more exposed.

"Well, I didn't think of it like that… I was going to sing Jackson, so it'd be like Johnny Cash and June Carter's."

A smile dances on her lips, she leans over and kisses his ear, then his cheek, his nose and finally his lips.

He plays with her hair and kisses her again. He grabs her cold hand from her lap and she moves her head, plopping it down on his lap, struggling to stretch lengthwise in the small space.

"I love you."

She giggles, her heart bursting with warmth and joy. Everything that was good and right and happy.

"Ditto." He kisses her again.

The sun soon found its place in the middle of the sky, shining down at them as they touch, cuddle, hug and kiss. The small flowers in the terrace are now in full view.

Spring time in Chicago.

oOo

AN:

And that's it. I might post outtakes or alternative endings… I'm open to requests/suggestions. Make sure to put me on story alert if you want to see those.

Thank you to everyone still reading at this point. Leave me a review on your way out, since it's the last time.

RosAlice22, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Leave questions in the reviews or message me them… That's all. Bye, everyone! It's been great.


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